Help... annoying couple assumes they're invited!

Re: Help... annoying couple assumes they're invited!

• Nancy00714 member

  

  October 2012

  I think if they already booked their room you should call them  and tell them sorry if there has been a misunderstanding but they aren't invited.  Of course this may make things awkward for any future outings with your friends that you have in commom.
  
  If you really don't want them there then tell them so. 

  

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  October 2012 edited October 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-annoying-couple-assumes-theyre-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac5a3f32-c9e9-4356-aa55-27aadc6adf20Post:b367913d-d23a-423e-971a-95864a49d7ba">Help... annoying couple assumes they're invited!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I need some advice on what to say to a couple that assumes they're invited to our wedding in May! This couple is in the same circle of my FI's friends from home, but other than the rare group get-together that we can attend (every 2-3 months or so), we don't see them, or speak to them. Neither my FI nor I like this couple very much, but we are generally polite towards them when together. Because over 1/2 of our guests are from out of town, and many (family and two very close friends who knew they were going to be invited) were asking about hotel options, I booked a few blocks of rooms and verbally told them which hotels to call.  Yesterday, on FB, I noticed a post on the husband's wall saying "Just booked our room for X & Y'x wedding... can't wait to PARRRRTAY!" Turns out that one of these close friends had mentioned having booked their room, and this couple decided to book one too. This isn't the first time this couple has done something like this (they invited themselves on a trip to Cuba when they found out about a group of us going - they went ahead and booked themselves a trip for the same resort/dates!). I find the husband to be extremely rude and inappropriate, and the wife is a touch on the crazy side. So I'm not going to be polite and invite them anyways (and FI is fine with this) What do I do?! Do I just let them keep the room booked, and wait for them get the hint that they aren't invited? Can I call the hotel and ask them to cancel the reservation? Would saying the wedding is limited to close friends (which is true) be rude considering <strong>almost everyone else in the social circle is invited (</strong>FI does talk to the others on a regular basis) Edit: I should probably add that I've been very careful to keep wedding details quiet on places like FB, and other than the 2 very close friends who know they are invited (the hubby's are in the WP), we haven't been too open about sharing wedding details with friends, unless asked.
  Posted by ashleymjo[/QUOTE]
  
  This is the one thing that makes me concerned.  I completely get needing to limit your guest list and the concern you have about not wanting to invite overly push people.  What seems to be problematic about this that you are inviting almost all of one circle of friends and that this is a close enough circle that others assume Annoying Couple will be invited.  Would your FI's relationship (and yours by extension) with members of the social circle you do like be damaged by excluding Annoying Couple?  How many others from the group are being invited versus those not being invited.
  
  I know this isn't very helpful, but I feel like you have two options.  The first is to invite Annoying Couple - knowing you will have at most limited interaction with them on your wedding day.  If anything, they will be more annoying to the rest of the social circle; you and FI get to say hi and thanks and go on to greeting other guests.  This is definitely the nonconfrontational way to go, and the way to go if you feel not inviting them will harm your relationship with other good friends.
  
  The second option is the less friendly option.  If you are absolutely not inviting them, and this wedding would involve travel for them, you or your FI need to tell this couple before they make other travel plans.  Something along the lines of a phone call - not an email or facebook message - that gives your apologies that you cannot invite everyone you'd like to invite and that you regretfully are not able to include them.  I would absolutely be prepared for this call not to go well; this may be seen as friendship harming or ending move on your part, and I would be prepared for your decision to be communicated to the rest of this social circle. 
  
  Either way, you and your FI need to be 100% comfortable with your decision - not just as it affects your relationship with this couple but as it would potentially affect your relationship with the larger social circle.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ThankfulSnail member

  

  October 2012

  I completely agree with Jaclyne. I would be more likely to be non-confrontational and just invite the two extra people. There are a lot of people who attended our wedding that I only talked to during the receiving line and doubt their presence will be too painful to you on the big day. It also alleviates drama to invite in circles, like everyone from your book club, all first cousins, etc.

  
  

  However, you're totally within your right not to invite them and think you need to speak to them directly, apologize for the confusion, and let them know that you are unable to invite everyone you might have liked. Don't go into further detail than that so they can't argue their way into an invitation. You also will want to let any of your other friends who are invited know that this couple is not invited so they don't mention the wedding in front of this couple.

  

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• Daizy106 member

  

  October 2012 edited October 2012

  I am in the same boat as you. There is a couple that is expecting an invite and just like you i only see her on birthdays and holiday parties which she wont be invited to this year unless of course she finds out and invites herself. Since the couple was rude and dumb enough to book a room without knowing they are invited i wouldnt say anything. Thats what you get for assuming you were invited. Maybe this will teach them a lesson since they have done this before. I don't like the husband either he's inappropriate and disgusting and his wife who is the real issue she doesnt defend her friends when he says things like "are u sure you wanna eat that" and when we go out she will put drinks on your tab and not pay or leave early so she doesnt have to pay. so no i dont feel bad for not inviting them. You shouldnt either its your wedding. Invite people that you WANT there not bc you feel bad or bc its awkward :

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• ashleymjo member

  

  October 2012 edited October 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-annoying-couple-assumes-theyre-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac5a3f32-c9e9-4356-aa55-27aadc6adf20Post:fdbdc246-e014-407a-a165-085bbcd02333">Re:Help... annoying couple assumes they're invited!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I am in the same boat as you. There is a couple that is expecting an invite and just like you i only see her on birthdays and holiday parties which she wont be invited to this year unless of course she finds out and invites herself. Since the couple was rude and dumb enough to book a room without knowing they are invited i wouldnt say anything. Thats what you get for assuming you were invited. Maybe this will teach them a lesson since they have done this before. I don't like the husband either he's inappropriate and disgusting and his wife who is the real issue she doesnt defend her friends when he says things like "are u sure you wanna eat that" and when we go out she will put drinks on your tab and not pay or leave early so she doesnt have to pay. so no i dont feel bad for not inviting them. You shouldnt either its your wedding. Invite people that you WANT there not bc you feel bad or bc its awkward :
  Posted by Daizy106[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Wow... do we know the same couple?! This hubby makes inappropriate sexual/fat jokes regardless of the social appropriateness, and well, I could go on and on about the wife's constant inappropriateness (as an example, we have friends that tried to conceive for 5 years... finally got pregnant and then miscarried at 4 months, her response to the grieving parents: "well maybe thats a sign from God that you're not to have children") YIKES.</div><div>
  </div><div>I'm leaning towards not saying anything to them. I don't even have their phone numbers, and I know FI doesn't like confrontation, so probably won't want to do it himself. Also, I know they won't have to make expensive travel plans or anything like that, and they can cancel hotel room for free at any time, so they're not really losing out if I don't say anything.</div><div>
  </div><div>As for offending others in the group - I don't think we'll have to worry about this as most of the others aren't overly good friends with them either. There's just the one couple who typically tells them plans and invites them out, and everyone else is more or less civil towards them.</div><div>
  </div><div>Just hope annoying (crazy) wife doesn't come after us when they find out they're not invited...!</div>

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• englishemily

  

  October 2012

  Personally as you are only acquaintances with them, I just wouldn't invite them. I would pretend not to know they have booked the room.

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