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Do i have to do everything?!

JessicaCrystalGailAmersonJessicaCrystalGailAmerson
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Sorry guys this is mostly a venting session for me. I feel like i dont even have a bridal party and its driving me crazy! I have to litterally do everything for my bridal party and it sucks because i know if i dont do it they sure wont either. Im having to order and ship dresses, make all the alterations apps ( i dont even know what kind of alterations are needed because none of the bridesmaids have the time to get fitted) im having to pick up dresses, shoes, bouquets, book salon apps,set up groomsmen tux apps, my bridesmaids told me that i needed to decide on thier hairstyles (i could honestly care less if they get thier hair done) all they seem to care about at this point is the bach partys! They want me to book limos and all this other stuff and its just too much for me. Dont i have enough to worry about with just the basics?  how do i tell them that this is stuff that THEY should have to worry about? im barely keeping up with my vendors and the stuff that i should have to worry about without babysitting my wedding party too. Im not having a bach party by the way. theres just too much for me to do to go blowing my savings and hard earned money at bars (ive told them that bars were not my thing and that i was happy to do something else, but thats the only thing they are willing to do) they dont even care about my opionions on the subject and i get ignored everytime i suggest a spa day or shopping trip instead. So i might be called a bridezilla and get dirty looks from them when i tell them that its not happening, but the way i see it is why should i host a night on the town for them when i cant even get them to go pick up thier own dresses?
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Re: Do i have to do everything?!

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    PigglyWiggly13PigglyWiggly13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree that they should be booking their own appointments for alterations. The GMs and your FI's appointments are also the responsibility of those wearing the clothes. You have to think, though. If they don't set their alteration appts. and their dresses do not fit, it is not you that has to wear the dress. I'm assuming your dress will be fitted, so don't stress yourself out about that. Also, I would not worry about shoes unless you are purchasing their shoes for them. Again, if you were to ask that they all wear silver shoes and one does not, you are not the one wearing the shoes. No one will remember whether they had matching shoes or not. You have the opposite problem of most people with the hair. Not that other brides should be micromanaging their BMs hairstyles, but it seems to happen a lot. I would just kindly tell them you think they should wear their hair in a way that they feel comfortable and pretty, and leave it at that. 

    You technically are not supposed to host your own bachelorette party. That goes against etiquette. 

    Good luck with everything else!
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is your BM responsibillity to get the dress. That includes, them going to get themselves fitted or if they know their size call it in, paying, picking up (unless their OoT), and doing alterations (if needed). You should not have to do this. If they are too lazy to do this simple task then that is too bad and they can take themselves out of the wedding. If you don't care how their hair is then don't worry about making hair appointments for them. If they want it done, they can do it themselves. Same with the shoes.

    As for the Bachelorette party, you not be involved in anything besides suggestions of what you may like to do. Discuss with them that you are not a bar person and if that is all they want to do then you respectfully decline the party. 
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Of all those things that you mentioned, the only one you have to do is pick up their bouquets.

    Find out the last possible date for ordering those dresses and give the information to your bms. Their only responsibility is to get the dresses on time and show up on time for the wedding.  If they can't do that, then they are taking themselves out of the wedding party. The groomsmen should be treated the same way. You and fi pick out the tuxes. Give the information to the men, so they can call and make an appointment to be measured.

    I don't know where your bms got the idea that the bride plans the bp, but they are wrong. It would be in extremely poor taste for you to plan a party in your own honor. If they don't want to plan something, then you don't have one.
                       
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fc8e7947-4ca8-4b14-964a-50399421f7ecPost:167bf66f-cb3c-4339-9c88-c92da054a962">Re: Do i have to do everything?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Of all those things that you mentioned, the only one you have to do is pick up their bouquets. Find out the last possible date for ordering those dresses and give the information to your bms. Their only responsibility is to get the dresses on time and show up on time for the wedding.  If they can't do that, then they are taking themselves out of the wedding party. The groomsmen should be treated the same way. You and fi pick out the tuxes. Give the information to the men, so they can call and make an appointment to be measured. I don't know where your bms got the idea that the bride plans the bp, but they are wrong. It would be in extremely poor taste for you to plan a party in your own honor. If they don't want to plan something, then you don't have one.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    This...

    And I have to say this also:  these are your FRIENDS who are treating you this way?  Seriously?  If all of this is what is happening, you need to evaluate your friendships.  It's one thing to be a bridzilla, it is another to have your <em>friends </em>treat you like a doormat<em>.</em>
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fc8e7947-4ca8-4b14-964a-50399421f7ecPost:885dbe04-8118-4f92-b511-c91088466cb2">Re: Do i have to do everything?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do i have to do everything?! : This... And I have to say this also:  these are your FRIENDS who are treating you this way?  Seriously?  If all of this is what is happening, you need to evaluate your friendships.  It's one thing to be a bridzilla, it is another to have your friends treat you like a doormat .
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

    <div>Seconded. Why are you friends with these people?</div>
    image
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    gailpetegailpete member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Agreed with PPs.  These things are not your responsibility.  You give them directions on what dress to buy and if you have any preference on shoes (i.e. any dressy silver shoe that BM finds comfortable).  The ordering, picking up and alterations are their responsibility.

    You are not being a bridezilla.  They are being ridiculous.

    Also, you do not plan or pay for the bachelorette party.  That is their job.  If they don't want to host one, then there won't be one.
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    JessicaCrystalGailAmersonJessicaCrystalGailAmerson
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thats why im so stressed. they never act like this towards me and i spent a lot of time deciding on my bridal partyand making sure i was happy with who i choose. ive asked them to do this stuff and they just wave it off and change the subject. they tell me they dont have time to do any of these things because they have kids ( my fi and me dont have any children and everyone in our bridal party has at least one child) and that if i had kids i would know that. I dont think spending five minutes on the phone to schedule an app is asking too much. ive told them about the bach party not going to happen...they were upset but i think i got the point across that i wasnt going to carry thier weight any longer and they have agreed to take care of thier duties and attire. thanks for reading my "venting session" yall i really needed the advice.
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