July 2013 Weddings

little sister just got engaged...

So my sister got engaged yesterday. I am happy for her because she is happy, though I do not really care for her boyfriend/now fiancee. To me he will never be my brother, but just my sister's husband. Is it selfish that I just wish they could have waited until after July so I can have my time and then she can have hers? I know I sound ridiculous about this, but I just feel like this is how it always goes. Shes only 18 months younger than me, and I feel like she watches what I do in life and then goes and does it bigger and better. Again, selfishly, I am happy my ring is bigger than hers.

 I am going to throw her a little engagement get together in a few weeks, I just hope she doesnt overshadow my time or my big day, because I definitely wouldnt do that to her.
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Re: little sister just got engaged...

  • Man that stinks! My fi waited til his older sister got engaged and married and then some! I guess you can be happy for her, but hopefully she waits 3 little months to really start planning!
  • I think as long as she dosn't plan her wedding to be before yours or immediately after yours it's not a big deal.
    Who she's marrying and how big her ring is shouldn't be any concern to you. Unless her FI (spelled fiancé for men and fiancée for women, btw :) ) is abusive or a junkie or something.
    I have two older sisters. The middle one got engaged first, then I did, and now my eldest is. We help each other out. My wedding is first because middle sis is 7 months pregnant so she's waiting until after the baby.
    Your sister probably isn't trying to steal your thunder. Just be happy for her, and if you are truly concerned ask her if she has an idea for when she actually plans to get married.
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  • That's tough!!! Her fiance should have waited until after your wedding, I feel. I had to wait longer for my fiance to propose, as his sister was getting married - but I was ok with it. Everyone deserves their time to have their moment in planning and the actual wedding day. 

    Maybe that makes me selfish-minded, but I feel for you. I'm sorry! Considering our weddings are about 3 months away, it could have waited!!!!

    I don't think it's anything to do with you sister...it wasn't her doing! But, hopefully she won't start her plans until after your wedding is over. That's what I would do, at least!!!

    Good luck! And congrats to your sister!

  • At least there is a nice gap of time between now when the engagement excitement will take place and your wedding. She can have the moment for a little while now in the lull before your wedding and then she will be in the planning lull of the engagement while your wedding is happening. My friend's sister announced she was expecting triplets the week before her sister's wedding. Everyone was brushing past the bride to rush over to her sister to congratulate her. Not waiting one more week was pretty messed up on her part.
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  • Thank you guys for the support! Like I said, I am happy because she is happy, but as her sister who is a part of her life and family, I think it is only natural that I would have a concern for her she is marrying and bringing to our family. I admit that I do have selfish feelings on this matter, but I think its just a bit of human nature to think in that way. Anyway, my only fear is that at the wedding everyone will go on about how hers is next and not really let me enjoy my one day. My mind always jumps to the worst case scenario, so hopefully and probably my fears wont happen, I just cant help but to unfortunately dwell on them, sigh.
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  • Wow - that's a tough one. I'd be annoyed. I sort of did the same thing to my friend - she got engaged in Aug., we got engaged in Dec. - but the kicker is that we moved the wedding date up a year, putting it before her wedding this Sept. - and our bridesmaids are almost all the same girls! So now we've got hype from both! But with mine being in July, it makes it a little bit better - still plenty of time to get her wedding the full attention it deserves. So I think you will be just fine. :)

    I truly do feel for you. When you care about your sibling(s), things do get rough. But I think it will all turn out better than you hoped.
    Interestingly, NaniLoa
  • Thank you NaniLoa, its nice to hear someone experiencing a similar situation! I do hope your words come true that it will all turn out better than I hoped. It seems like everything with planning and such is going well in your situation. Luckily, I am very close with my future sister in laws, and they've reassured me that they definitely will help to make my day and time be about me and not her lol. I am very happy for her, and I'll give her all the hype she needs/wants/deserves as my sister, but I'm definitely saving it for after my time/day. Hopefully, she'll understand and respect that.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_little-sister-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:23fbd521-7e30-46b8-b23b-321a8af3ea27Post:0e035f82-fbce-49e2-b475-d9e0a4ec2015">Re: little sister just got engaged...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow - that's a tough one. I'd be annoyed. I sort of did the same thing to my friend - she got engaged in Aug., we got engaged in Dec. - but the kicker is that we moved the wedding date up a year, putting it before her wedding this Sept. - and our bridesmaids are almost all the same girls! So now we've got hype from both! But with mine being in July, it makes it a little bit better - still plenty of time to get her wedding the full attention it deserves. So I think you will be just fine. :) I truly do feel for you. When you care about your sibling(s), things do get rough. But I think it will all turn out better than you hoped.
    Posted by NaniLoa[/QUOTE]
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  • Really? You want her to wait on planning so you can have your time? You get one day (or weekend, depending on how you plan it). Your wedding is important, to you & your FI, as I'm sure her wedding will be important to her & her FI. The two weddings will be beautiful and different in their own ways.

    Please do try to support her as well, as I'm sure she's been supporting you. It would be super awkward if she came on here and saw that her older sister wants to have at least 3 more months of "her time" before she can start celebrating her engagement.

    You came on here already feeling a little guilty about being selfish, so be the bigger person and set a good example. You'll feel better about it. I promise.
  • I think you really need to think about this because in my opinion, you are being overly-selfish. Why should she and her FI schedule everything around you? I could understand if they were planning a wedding on your date or within a few weeks of it, but they just got engaged a few months before you.  I don't see anything wrong with that.

    If you can't find it in yourself to be the bigger person here, then you shouldn't throw them an engagement party either since it won't be sincere. You are the older sister and although there will always be competition between sisters, you should be love her enough to be happy for her.
  • Ditto what Wheels said.
    I am amazed at how many people think it's so bad that her sister's FI felt it was the right time to propose and then did! I'm assuming that's how all of us ended up engaged.
    By the time your wedding gets here the excitement of her engagement will have died down. People might ask to see her ring, but they will be enjoying YOUR wedding.

    Obviously you can be concerned about who your sister is marrying. I phrased that wrong. However, if he is just immature, annoying, or simply just rubs you the wrong way then it's really not an issue. Not everyone has to get along with their in-laws. As long as he is not abusive (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.) or addicted to drugs or alcohol, or something equally (or more) bad  then you should just be happy that your sister has found the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
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  • I did not include all details into our lovely relationship because it is neither the time nor the place. Overall, I have been the bigger person, but I'm not perfect as no  one is, and just needed a place to just be sellfish for a moment. I'm sorry if you cant relate or whatever your opinion is, but I just needed a place to vent and I am appreciative of the advise and words others might have to offer.

    I have supported her as we went out that night, her and her new FI and me and my FI, to celebrate with drinks and dinner. I only brought up her and her new exciting adventure.
    She has not supported me at all, which is another story that I particularly dont want to get into.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_little-sister-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:23fbd521-7e30-46b8-b23b-321a8af3ea27Post:ab22f018-8b13-4eb7-801f-b773c0a46570">Re: little sister just got engaged...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really? You want her to wait on planning so you can have your time? You get one day (or weekend, depending on how you plan it). Your wedding is important, to you & your FI, as I'm sure her wedding will be important to her & her FI. The two weddings will be beautiful and different in their own ways. Please do try to support her as well, as I'm sure she's been supporting you. It would be super awkward if she came on here and saw that her older sister wants to have at least 3 more months of "her time" before she can start celebrating her engagement. You came on here already feeling a little guilty about being selfish, so be the bigger person and set a good example. You'll feel better about it. I promise.
    Posted by Wheels987[/QUOTE]
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  • Ditto what Wheels said.

    I dont think it's unusual to 'feel' a bit like your thunder is being stolen and it's good that you came here to vent instead of voicing your opinions to your sister. But you should really take a step back and realize that people cannot put their lives on hold just because you're getting married. You're excited and you should be, we all are! As long as she doesn't try to plan her wedding the same day as yours or so close before your wedding that it would inconvenience OOT guest, then you shouldn't worry about it.

    I'll also add that I think I would probably feel a bit weird if my little sister got engaged right now too. My sister is also 18 months younger than me and while I do really like her boyfriend, they haven't been together long and being an overprotective sister I just dont think they are 'there' yet. So if they did get engaged right now, I think I'd definitely be thrown back but I'd eventually have to put my feelings aside and just be happy and supportive.

    Hope that helps a bit!
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  • Thanks MissKristenWed84403. Its still like the initial shock and like I said, I just needed a place to let some thoughts out. Especially because they have not been together for too long, and there are a lot of personal issues related to this. Of course I would not say this to her, our family, or anything like that.

    I am happy for her because she is happy, and offered to throw an engagement celebration of sorts in a couple weeks. And I was very supportive on her engagment day by going out to celebrate with her and making the evening about her and him, as it should be.

    I'm just hoping she will show me the same respect I am trying to show her as I finish up my last few months of planning and my big day. After my big day, like I said, I'll be ready to give her all the attention, hype, and whatever she needs from me.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_little-sister-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:23fbd521-7e30-46b8-b23b-321a8af3ea27Post:d77eb4dc-bb71-411e-b3fa-64620ae432a5">Re: little sister just got engaged...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto what Wheels said. I dont think it's unusual to 'feel' a bit like your thunder is being stolen and it's good that you came here to vent instead of voicing your opinions to your sister. But you should really take a step back and realize that people cannot put their lives on hold just because you're getting married. You're excited and you should be, we all are! As long as she doesn't try to plan her wedding the same day as yours or so close before your wedding that it would inconvenience OOT guest, then you shouldn't worry about it. I'll also add that I think I would probably feel a bit weird if my little sister got engaged right now too. My sister is also 18 months younger than me and while I do really like her boyfriend, they haven't been together long and being an overprotective sister I just dont think they are 'there' yet. So if they did get engaged right now, I think I'd definitely be thrown back but I'd eventually have to put my feelings aside and just be happy and supportive. Hope that helps a bit!
    Posted by MissKristenWed84403[/QUOTE]
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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    This may sound harsh but...
    Sorry, but other people have lives and they do not stop just because your getting married.
    I understand you don't like him and if that was your complaint that would be one thing, but to suggest they wait to get engaged until after your wedding is selfish. My sister is getting married a month after me and luckily she had no problem with me setting my wedding date the month before her's. We are very close and no one is trying to upstage the other (ring size or otherwise). It's about starting a life together and no one should have to wait until after someone else does the same. Life is too short. I'm 34, found the love of my life and didn't want to wait until next summer to get start on our life together.

    On the other hand...sorry your brother in law to be isn't awesome - that does suck and is worth being sad about - but still nothing you cna do about it.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I completely understand to not put lives on a hold, that isnt what I was getting at at all. Thats so great you and your sister have that relationship.

    He is not my future brother in law to be, as he will never be or considered to be my brother, just my sister's husband.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_little-sister-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:23fbd521-7e30-46b8-b23b-321a8af3ea27Post:c7fb76d1-8c12-4db4-9941-00d8e736dc44">Re: little sister just got engaged...</a>:
    [QUOTE]This may sound harsh but... Sorry, but other people have lives and they do not stop just because your getting married. I understand you don't like him and if that was your complaint that would be one thing, but to suggest they wait to get engaged until after your wedding is selfish. My sister is getting married a month after me and luckily she had no problem with me setting my wedding date the month before her's. We are very close and no one is trying to upstage the other (ring size or otherwise). It's about starting a life together and no one should have to wait until after someone else does the same. Life is too short. I'm 34, found the love of my life and didn't want to wait until next summer to get start on our life together. On the other hand...sorry your brother in law to be isn't awesome - that does suck and is worth being sad about - but still nothing you cna do about it.
    Posted by photokitty[/QUOTE]
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