Cold feet

Re: Cold feet

• Lisa8888

  

  July 2010

  Wedding planning should not stress out a relationship like you are describing. I don't think your doubts are normal. If you have any doubts, it is better to call it off.

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• loop0406 member

  

  July 2010

  Well I've always heard and read of some couples that get stressed and cold feet during the wedding process. Your lives will change once you actually live together, have children, etc. Relationships change with time, some for the better, some for the worse. If you two still love each other then maybe this is cold feet. But you have to be more specific on how your relationship is falling apart. If it's just that you aren't spending enough time together, all that can be changed and will definitely change once you're married and seeing each other everyday. If your feelings for him have changed and you don't think you love him the same or anymore or not sure if he's even the 'one' then you do need to put the wedding plans on pause and really get your thoughts and feelings together, wish you the best.

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• jmkes

  

  July 2010

  Well I'm in the same boat in that we live far apart and our wedding is 4 months away.  I'm also trying to sell my house and we are trying to find a new one in Fort Worth.  What we keep in mind is that because we have so little time together the little things that may cause an argument really aren't worth arguing about.  We don't waste time being nit picky or judging each other.  Your lives will change when you are in the same home 24/7 and have to learn each other's daily habits and routines.  Then you'll have to tweek your routines to accomodate the other person.  I don't know what your religion is, or if you have one, but as Christians we believe that you have to "die" to yourself in order to fully give yourself to the other person for the rest of your life.  Both of you have to be willing to, in a way, forget everything you are now and re-focus your life on each other.  When you make your vow "for good times and bad", you have to mean it.  You and he cannot stay the exact same people you are now and have a successful marriage.  You'll have to adapt.  AND wedding stress is temporary!  Thank goodness!
  
  What are your major issues?  They're in there, deep in your minds.  If you argue over what to have for dinner, that's not what you're REALLY arguing about.  Sit down with him and have a no-holding-back conversation about what is really going on.  Odds are if you are sensing a discord in your relationship - so is he.  If you are not 100% sure that this is the man you want to go to the ends of the earth for, clean up after, take care of when he's sick, if you don't think you'll want to wash his dentures when y'all are in your 80's - really rethink what you are getting into.  If he is the man for you then y'all will be able to work through anything.  Just takes a little elbow grease!  Best wishes.

  

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• kpwedkk member

  

  July 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cold-feet-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:23669061-d22b-4e31-896d-ad1db1fecaa4Post:35555434-d2ba-4e47-aef5-88af46c96d9f">Cold feet</a>:
  [QUOTE]The wedding is less than 4 months away and I don't know if it's cold feet or if I really shouldn't go through with it.  I've been with my fiance for 2 years and love him very much, but on and off over the past 6-8 months I feel like our relationship is slowing falling apart. I don't know if it's the stress of the wedding and everything going on with it - we each own our own homes so we live apart and I have mine on the market so I can move in with him. We've both lived on our own for many years and are very used to our own habits and lifestyles, so even moving in together is going to cause quite a bit of stress.  I feel like this should be the best time of our lives, but instead it's putting a lot of stress on our once happy relationship.  Anyone else going through something similar? If I'm not alone in this then I'll know what I'm feeling is normal, but if I am the only one feeling this way then maybe I shouldn't go through with it?
  Posted by mnsu44[/QUOTE]
  
  
  Have you taken a break from wedding planning, and house moving or selling, and work, just to be with each other? 

  
  "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  

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• AllAboutTheBenjamin member

  

  July 2010

  Are you doing any pre-wedding marriage counseling?

  

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• mnsu44

  

  July 2010

  Thank you all for your advice, I know everyone is busy planning weddings and going about their daily lives, so I can't express enough my appreciation for you taking the time to respond. 
  
  The issues aren't major - sure, we're different people and when we do live together it will take a while to adjust.  But in the past months I've felt like he's been very distant at times, not nearly as affectionate as he used to be, he had stopped sending the texts and emails telling me he loves me, the little things that mean so much to me.  So, the other night on the phone I told him that I was feeling the distance and that I was worried his feelings for me had changed (my feelings for him grow stronger every day).  He was completely shocked, had no idea I was feeling this way and didn't think he had been acting any differently.  Now that he knows he let me know that he is going to make an effort to do the things he used to, be more affectionate, etc and let me know that he does love me very much and never wants to be without me, so that was a HUGE relief. 
  
  You're right - we need to take a step back from wedding planning, house stuff and just do something together away from it all, so I'm planning a beach weekend for us in August, a little sun, sand and salt water is always good to soothe the body and mind

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