Wedding Party

My entire Bridal Party SUCKS!!

Brides,

I need some comfort/advice. I have a bridal party of 8, including my MOH. I am 3 months from my date and not ONE has lifted a single finger to assist. Additionally, I have no bridal shower or bachelorette planned. Basically, if I want to celebrate anything, I am both planning and paying. I fully understand that there is no obligation to do anything besides stand there on the day off, secure your dress etc. I've read other blogs and the general responses and I'm not comforted by the dismissal of obligation. Though they arent obligated, it is NOT expected that they'll do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I mean seriously, how would that make any bride feel to know that she wasn't thought of as special/important enough for SOME thought. Before anyone starts on the "they have lives of their own" speeches, yes, they do. So do I. That was never an excuse on my part and I don't expect it on theirs either. Why was the position accepted if they planned to do no work? I might add that each has the excuse of "I don't know what to do". I didn't know how to plan a wedding- but I got to those resources and became proactive! They have each other as a team as well!  Basically, I'm saddened and hurt - completely. I don't know how to feel but I know how I DO feel.
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Re: My entire Bridal Party SUCKS!!

  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Here's the thing.  You can't control how people act.  If they want to help, they will, otherwise, any help you may need falls on yourself and your FI's shoulders.  I know you were probably involved with other people's weddings and helping them and such, but you have to let your expectations go because you can't control your friends actions.  Plan your wedding, your way, and don't count on help from anyone.
    image
  • No, they arent employees. They aren't without expectation either. I assume you're one that is justing showing up as well
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    No, they arent employees. They aren't without expectation either. I assume you're one that is justing showing up as well

    You keep saying this, but I don't understand.  What expectations are there?
    image
    southernbelle0915Blue_Bird
  • The expectation is to ask if there is something you can assist with, as friends do. You're being super literal. Are they obligated, no. Is it morally expected as a friend, yes.
  • Sounds like you all don't operate on morality at all. If you solely produce on "obligation", shame on you. Thank God those that don't!
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    The reason you ask people to be in your bridal party is because you are close to them and want to honor them by allowing them to stand nearest to you as you make a great commitment. They probably accepted because they also feel close to you.

    Whether or not you want help or parties has nothing to do with it.

    If that's not why you asked your bridal party, I'm sorry, but you have a totally off-base mindset.

    PrettyGirlLostBlue_Bird
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    The expectation is to ask if there is something you can assist with, as friends do. You're being super literal. Are they obligated, no. Is it morally expected as a friend, yes.

    Ya need to let this go, seriously.  You can't control what people say, do or think. 

    I'm calling MUD

    image
    ohannabellemrsdee15
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sounds like you all don't operate on morality at all. If you solely produce on "obligation", shame on you. Thank God those that don't!

    Not sure what this means, since your argument is your bridesmaid's are obligated/expected to help you plan your wedding, but ok!

    *gets bingo cards out*

    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The expectation is to ask if there is something you can assist with, as friends do. You're being super literal. Are they obligated, no. Is it morally expected as a friend, yes.

    Whoa. No. Bringing actual morality into this?


    [Deleted User]
  • dont know what MUD is, sorry.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The only duties any wedding party has are to acquire the designated outfit, show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits, process down the aisle, stand by the couple, recess back up the aisle, and pose for some photos.

    Neither "helping" plan the wedding or throwing parties for one or both of the couple are requirements of being in a wedding party. If you're expecting that from yours, you expect too much.
  • The air I'm showing is BECAUSE I DO THOSE THINGS! most of what you've actually mentioned, thank you- because I've done it. It IS a two way street. My point exactly. I am also paying for their dresses, makeup, and hair. Again, and for the last time, I'm saddened that no one even asked IF they could help. It would have been appreciated.
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    The air I'm showing is BECAUSE I DO THOSE THINGS! most of what you've actually mentioned, thank you- because I've done it. It IS a two way street. My point exactly. I am also paying for their dresses, makeup, and hair. Again, and for the last time, I'm saddened that no one even asked IF they could help. It would have been appreciated.
    AND YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THAT.  Don't dwell on it, all of this drama you are creating is NOT IMPORTANT.
    image
    PrettyGirlLostesstee33[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The air I'm showing is BECAUSE I DO THOSE THINGS! most of what you've actually mentioned, thank you- because I've done it. It IS a two way street. My point exactly. I am also paying for their dresses, makeup, and hair. Again, and for the last time, I'm saddened that no one even asked IF they could help. It would have been appreciated.
    You do those things because you want to, not because you expect stuff in return.  If I help my friend move it is because I want to help her with that, not because I then get to request the same thing from her when I move.

    I have a funny feeling that your attitude is what making your friends not want to help you.  If a friend of mine was acting that she deserves help on her wedding from her friends, the last thing I would want to do is help her because she wouldn't be grateful for it since she just expects it.  No one deserves anything from anyone.  You gain help by being kind to others and not acting like you deserve it because you happen to be friends with someone.

    So if you wish to have any friends left after your wedding is over, stop thinking that being friends means that you HAVE to help someone rather then just helping because you want to with no reciprocation expectation.

    PrettyGirlLostmrsdee15
  • It isn't "drama". These comments are the most dramatic!  Name calling, etc LMAO! Hilarious to say the least. 

    On my BM's end, they are perfectly fine. No negative sentiments have been expressed to them at all. My discussion is a result of the things I do as a friend and the behaviors I display myself. I've always operated on the premise of providing to others the same treatment that you'd expect and I exercise that regularly. So, according to you all, I should not expect for others to do the same for me? Especially not my closest friends... Wonder where that virtue came from?? It's enough to just show up. Got it! Thanks!

  • Yeah, think I'm gonna come back with those contracts! Great idea!!!!!
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