Gift Giving

hunnybear1223 · June 2010

I'm going to be the first of my friends to get married, so I haven't been to any wedding where I've had to give a gift. Now, I was invited to one this summer and I'm totally clueless what a standard gift is. I've heard that you should "cover your plate"...but what if the plates are $125pp or something like that?? Idk, maybe I'm being cheap, but I think that's a lot, especially when you have to travel and pay for overnight accomodations and food, etc. What are everyone's thoughts, specifically for NJ/NY brides (I know it's probably a lot less in other parts of the country)?

clarereedy · June 2010

I have a wedding in July for one of my co-workers. It is in Westchester at one of the country clubs. We are giving $300 from me and FI.

Laurms15 · June 2010

I usually base it on how close I am to the couple. Is this someone you are really close to?

Julephenia · June 2010

I don't even try to cover the plate right now. I get something off the registry. I understand the etiquette, but those who invite me understand my financial situation.

FI and I just went to a wedding in Michigan - besides trekking out there with FMIL, we got the couple the placemats and a salad bowl from their BBB registry. We probably spent $60 or so.

It's a matter of what you can afford, how close you are to the couple, and little things like that.

mbcdefg · June 2010

Give what you can afford and whatever you feel is appropriate.

I think that "cover your plate" can be a good starting point, but you don't have to take it literally. You're not responsibile for helping the couple pay for their reception. If someone decides to hold their reception at a place that charges $300 a plate, you can't be reasonably expected to fork over at least $600 if you otherwise wouldn't give that much. If they can't pay for their wedding without your help then that's not your problem. Especially, like you said, if you're already spending a lot just to get there.

If you want a personal opinion, I think that anything from $200-300 is a good standard for North Jersey. If they're close to you and you want to give more, do it. If you can't afford that much, give what you can. They should graciously accept whatever they get.

Heather822 · June 2010

All PP'ers are right....
I usually base it on how close I am to the couple as well, but I would never give a monetary gift lower than $150 at the absolute minimum.

felicia220 · June 2010

I completely agree with PP

ffbride_0813 · June 2010

Give what you can afford. For me personally I give $300. I dont factor in travel expenses when i giv for a wedding.

demarcosjd · June 2010

Agree with PP's give what you can but I would not go to a wedding and give less than $150 either, max for me has been $350.

uppereastgirl · June 2010

Agree with the others -- give what you can afford, and what feels right based on how close you are to the couple.

Absolutely do not try to "cover your plate." You are giving a gift to the couple to celebrate their wedding -- you are not paying admission. You do not know what the couple paid, you should not inquire into what they paid, and it isn't your fault if they chose a place that is $300+ per person (and do you really think they deserve less of a gift if they chose a less expensive venue?).

raangoli · June 2010

I could be wrong, but the wedding gift giving ettiqute does not say anything about "cover the cost per plate". I think that is a modern notion but like a previous poster said, it might be a good place to start.

Traditionally, the gift given is based on your relationship with the couple getting married, so again, I agree with what's already been posted.

The measure of friendship being judged by the gift you give is a little weird to me, too. But, I can also see that the closer you are to a person, you're more apt to want to give a nicer gift.

Give what you can afford along with a heartfelt note or card (which is always appreciated, too!)

Danes983 · June 2010

As pp said we always decide based on how close we are. When FI and I started dating he had like 7 weddings to go to. he made the decision on how much to give bc I wasnt really friends with any of these people. Then a good friend of his who I had gotten close with the wife got married and we decided on $300. Thats the most he has given recently. My friends are starting to get married now and I will def give based on relationship. But personally, I never give less than $100 pp unless its an out of state wedding I couldnt make.

Denise91980 · June 2010

just as pp have stated, I try to at least cover our plates or somewhat come close. I try to give at least 200 for me and FI. If I am closer with the couple I may give 300 or 350. It is not up to you to help pay for the wedding, which I agree, but at the same time you are helping them start their lives together....Which is why I definitely will not cover a plate over 150pp, because it was that couple's choice to pick a pricer venue....and I feel like at that point they are not expecting to make it back.

kasabby · June 2010

I agree with the other posts. I think it depends on how close you are to the couple. I never give less than $150 but I think the max I have done is $250 or $300 for a good friend.

misschristinec · June 2010

Only once did I give less than $100 pp and that was when we flew to the UK for a colleague's wedding. It cost us $950 each to fly out there.

And personally I would never purchase something off of a registry for a wedding gift. I only bring cards-give money. Lots of Jersey Weddings do not have gift tables.

clarereedy · June 2010

I also agree with misschristinec - I would never give a gift in Northern Jersey or New York. I think most people would be giving cards with checks for the wedding and a gift for the shower.

gymchick05 · June 2010

If I am going w/ a date (or now my FI) I almost always give $300 unless it is someone I dont know that well. I'd love to give more to really close friends, but it ismt possible right now.

Funny story- the first wedding I ever went to for a friend was in VA right after we graduated from college, so I was like 21. I asked my mom what to give and she said to cover our heads and to give about $250, so I did. Southern weddings, at least this one, were WAY different then up here. Lets just say I was more dressed up then the bridesmaid. It was akward, but I did get a two page hand written thank you note from my friend

Honestly, regardless of how much or little someone spends on a wedding, I try to give what I can to my friends (and usually the ones w/ less to spend on the wedding have less to spend period) - I hope that what I give helps a little bit to start out their life together

Peacefield · June 2010

The problem with giving based on the cost of the plate is that most people have no idea what a plate goes for. We know because we've all been shopping it. I suspect people might guess the cost per plate might be as little as $50 when it's actually $100+. As everyone else has said, do what's right, do what you can afford, and balance it against your cost to attend. I'm never less than $200 and I've not yet given more than #300.

njpabzy · June 2010

Agree with the PP - normally I give at least $100 per person and then up from there depending on the relationship.

DMLJ · June 2010

I've been giving $200, but hopefully when our wedding planning is over we can give closer to $300. Like others said, it also depends how close you are to them.

Peacefield · June 2010

BTW, I have a wedding for a close friend coming up that I will not be able to attend. What's an appropriate cash gift to send when you are NOT attending the wedding?

Gift Giving

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