No Plus 1 For You!

Femlin · May 2010

So, I really have, like, zero guilt over this, but I can't help but ask for an opinion from some honest ladies.

My FI and I are friends with a group of 4 guys. Only one of them has a girlfriend (who is invited, of course.) His brother broke up with his gf several months ago and is not currently dating anyone. The other few guys have been single for something like 4 or 5 years.

Am I a horrible person because I did not give any of these guys a plus 1? Our venue can only hold 100 people, and my dad's side alone is 50 of that list. To avoid the stress of figuring out who to trim off the list, I started with the non-existent girlfriends of these friends. I doubt any of them are going to start dating anyone in the next 6 weeks. We're already 10 people over out limit />.<

Am I going to wedding planning hell?

It never even occured to me until the friend who has been single the longest sent a text to FI asking if he could bring SIX (!) people to our wedding... when FI said no, his response was to assure us that "these are PARTY people, it will be a good time! You should meet them!" and when he was told no again he said "oh well, I still get my plus 1 anyhow"

Input?

tlv204 · May 2010

I don't think it's wrong. I know some disagree, but I would much rather cut strangers from the list than people who actually care about seeing our wedding. We didn't invite single guests with a plus 1. Looks like your FI is going to have to have a chat with him about how people don't automatically get guests.

Femlin · May 2010

To be honest, I would be shocked if he actually does bring someone... it's the same group of guys we hang out with every few weeks, it would be different if they didn't know anyone else there.

goheels05 · May 2010

Nope, that's standard procedure.

Plus ones are nice but not mandatory.

sarah0725 · May 2010

This may be sexist, but I feel less sorry for single guys at weddings than single girls. It's not like they're going to dance much or anything. Why do they need dates if they're mainly going to be hanging out with each other?

number55 · May 2010

I am doing no +1s for anyone who doesn't have an SO (which is tough six months out...how do I know who will have an SO in October? I am basing it on who is still single in July when I finalize the wrap around labels). My MOH's BF didn't react well when I said that (I guess he finds it rude) but I agree with the PP, I have to draw the line somewhere and that is it. (The only exception to this rule is members of the WP but of the four single ones only one plans to bring a +1, that is FSIL, who is bringing her best friend, FI is giving her the side-eye to that one a little since she never asked, just expected, but I told him to let it go, not worth the fight...)

tlv204 · May 2010

Actually most of our single guy friends were excited that they didn't "have to find dates." They were all geared up to just hit on the single girls there. Maybe it just depends on the guys too. Most of my friends would hit on a lamppost after a few beers rather than actually ask a girl to a wedding.

Femlin · May 2010

If Heels says I'm good, then that's more than enough validation for me.

JessAndTrav · May 2010

I didn't give people a +1 if they weren't dating anyone serious and would have someone to talk to at the wedding. I've lost no sleep.

leoraanna · May 2010

I am in the boat of if you aren't dating someone, no plus one for you! Especially because we can't afford to give everyone a plus one. We are only allowing one that isn't a legit couple- FIs brother, the best man. That is just so he has a better time than he would alone with his parents. Drama. But if you can't fit/afford it there shouldn't even be a question.

sweetpea0911 · May 2010

We're planning on doing the same sort of thing, wedding party and siblings being the only exception (his siblings and my sister are in the wedding party and my step-siblings have +1s were a mandatory from my dad, who's paying for the reception so I said A-OK).

There are only two people other than WP/siblings that get plus ones, and thats because they don't know anyone else and will be coming in from out of town (both 6+ hours), so we felt like it was a nice gesture so that they didn't have to travel alone. Since he's local, I'd stick to the plan and go with "no plus one for you!" =]

srkropf · May 2010

You are in no way going to wedding hell or in the wrong. If they are not in a significant relationship-- totally don't worry about it. Your friend shouldn't think this is a frat party where he can bring his entourge-- this is your special day for those close to you. If your friends want to host a party, they can invite/not invite who ever they want-- but this is your party and day.

flutgrl1 · May 2010

I would never invite party crew people. But I would never ask people to come to an event with dancing etc single. They can choose to but it isn't my place to make them suffer.

mrscheetah · May 2010

we are doing the same thing. you are not rude. I am not spending over a hundred dollars on someone's fling/one night stand/person they met at the bar last night. no significant SO=no plus one. and i don't have any guilt, either.

and you can tell the party guy that this is your wedding, not an episode of jersey shore, so he needs to stop being a douchelord.

Krysti21 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:95014fd5-f171-48bd-a3f0-68c96aa0d085Post:e543258f-a944-4c12-8df1-91d2fc78068a">Re: No Plus 1 For You!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's wrong. I know some disagree, but I would much rather cut strangers from the list than people who actually care about seeing our wedding. We didn't invite single guests with a plus 1. Looks like your FI is going to have to have a chat with him about how people don't automatically get guests.
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]

This. Cut strangers so that you can have all the people you love there. No plus one, no guilt!

polichik · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95014fd5-f171-48bd-a3f0-68c96aa0d085Post:e64601f5-59a0-4a46-b859-375276f27070">Re: No Plus 1 For You!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would never invite party crew people. But I would never ask people to come to an event with dancing etc single. They can choose to but it isn't my place to <strong>make them suffer.</strong>
Posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]

Really? I mean, I can see what you're saying, but IMO eating free food, drinking free drinks, and seeing close friends be really happy together isn't exactly suffering.

Simply Fated · May 2010

Sometimes people are invited to weddings where the only people they know are the bride and groom. and since the bride and groom can't exactly spend so much time with each individual guest, single guests are often left in a room full of people not knowing anyone. For peole who are outgoing, this isn't a problem. But for the more shy, introverted crowd, this can be an absolutele nightmare.
If iIwas invited to a wedding where I didn't know anyone but the bride and/or the groom and I couldn't bring someone, I would politely decline the invitation or attend the ceremony, but not the reception. I wouldn't be able to handle my anxiety.

smokeybailey · May 2010

Until the knot, i didn't know that you could invite people without a plus one. I can't imagine being one of only a handful of single people at a very couple event. Especially if I have to travel or drive a distance to said wedding. I have friends who don't like to drive over an hour alone, especially at night. Some people are just weird about walking into a party atmosphere alone.

You don't have to invite plus ones; I don't care. I just think it's weird not to.

cwm11985 · May 2010

you shouldn't feel bad at all! weddings are meant for your friends to hang out with YOU, not for your friends to have to entertain someone that you probably don't even know. None of my single friends are getting plus ones because the point of the wedding isn't for them to find a date and then spend the whole night with them. I guess I'm selfish because I want them to spend the whole night dancing and having fun with ME!

dawniegreene · May 2010

I wouldn't stress over this. There's no need in inviting a bunch of +1s when they aren't the FI or SO of your guest. The only exception I'm making is for those in the wedding party. Between food, centerpieces and everything else in between, you should cut cost when you can. Your wedding is for those who love and KNOW you.

haylsmac · May 2010

@MrsCheetah - you are my hero!! I totally agree with you!!!! spendig over $100 on some random person is so not right in my books!! I personally have a big enough group of friends and they must mingle with themselves and party none the less. Everyone knows everyone and can mingle and party anyways. Like you said - its a WEDDING, not a frat party.

Nwetzold · May 2010

I'm inviting plus 1s for every single guest but that doesn't mean it's a "given". It's your right to invite whoever you choose - and if the guy wants to bring SIX(!!!???) guests who are clearly big drinkers to your wedding, he doesn't deserve a guest. That's nuts! Do whatever you want and don't look back - it's your day!

ebebe · May 2010

As long as you know the people aren't going to be standing off alone in the corner (which they aren't because they hang out with each other every night) then you should NOT feel guilty! We are inviting no plus ones for friends unless they have serious girlfriends or they don't know anyone else. You have to draw the line somewhere and cutting out non-existant people is MUCH better than cutting out your family!!

Claudz · May 2010

OMG! I wouldnt feel bad, clearly to them they dont realize that this is a special time for you and your partner and all they care is party?
Honestly, dont feel bad at all saying no - if they can be single for so long - I am sure they hold on for another night being single.
I think they are being inconsiderate.
if they keep begging and plending for a plus 1, then make them pay for their own head....and just add 50% while you added, just incase something bad happens...they have atleast paid for the bill.

wish you luck, and honestly i would feel bad at all. Weddings are not cheap, and Karma is a funny thing as well. :-)

deannaguss · May 2010

I agree with you. We have a huge guest list, and in order to cut back on a few people, we are not inviting any +1's unless we know that they have a SO before we get the invites out. Guys (and gals) seem to have a good time at a wedding without a date as long as they know others, and if not it gives them a chance to meet others, maybe a future SO!

evanadine · May 2010

mrscheetah: LOL -- "douchelord" i nearly choked on my tea, and that word just made my day!!

and here is my 2 cents:
not only are you throwing this party and paying for it, this is your day to celebrate with your loved ones. you invite who you want, and ONLY who you want. if your friends stir up a hub-bub because they cant bring a date, then they're really not very understanding people or very good friends.

as for us, we are inviting people SOs only if they have been together for a decent period of time and are in a steady relationship. for people who may-or-may-not be dating someone, if we havent met them or never have heard anything about them, sorry -- not invited. i have a very limited budget to work with and a very limited amount of space i can use, so them's the breaks.

they will understand someday when they are planning their own wedding.

ShadowAP · May 2010

This comes up all the time on the boards. Someone on here wrote something along the lines of the following that worked for me back when I was still on a tight budget:

1. If they're in a serious relationship (married/living together) or you know and like the SO, then they get a +1.
2. If they aren't going to know anyone there except you, then they get a +1.
3. Everybody else gets nada.

Worked for me! No guilt. Most of my single friends have been single forever and would much rather hang out with each other anyway. And why does my 90 year old widowed grandmother need a +1? To say that everybody gets a +1 automatically is just silly.

pokepoke27 · May 2010

I agree with pp. It's more important to have the peope you love and care about around you when you're getting married. Out of my 100 or so guests, there are about 5 that don't really know anyone else being invited. Some are from work and some are from school. I'm allowing them to bring an extra guest so they don't feel akward and alone, but other than that I'm not allowing plus-ones.
Might I also add that I don't consider people bringing their long time girlfriend/boyfriend as a plus-one. If it's long time I've probably met them - or at least heard of them - so they're invited anyways.

ktbeth45 · May 2010

I would be appalled if my FI friend took it upon himself to bring six ppl that we didn't know to our wedding. Weddings are not cheap and many venues charge per person. Not only that, the event isn't about his enjoyment and need to "party"...it's about yours.

My fiance is part of a social group where many of the guys do not have a SO nor have they for sometime. They have not been extended a plus one since, like many others, we would rather trim ppl we don't know before ppl we do. But it's not only his friends...my single friends who are not dating anyone have not been givena plus one either.

It sounds like your FI friends all know each other and would be fine if they socialized with each other for the evening.

klindke · May 2010

We only invited +1's if they were engaged, living together or in the wedding party. I kind of felt guilty about it when family started asking me if they could bring a date, but I just told them we didn't have it in the budget. I feel much better cutting people I don't know than people who I actually want to see at my wedding. I don't feel guilty anymore, though. I'm glad I chose to do it this way. At least we will know everyone there.

lttlebarbie · May 2010

Always when trying to figure how others feel I always ask myself the question.

If you were going to a friend's wedding, and at that time you were single, would you be okay if they did not offer you a plus one?

No Plus 1 For You!

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