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MOH Problem- need some help here

meghansmomma1meghansmomma1 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Hi everybody.  I did some reading to see if anyone else has run into the same kind of problem and didn't find my answer- so I'm asking for thoughts/ suggestions on this one.  My MOH and I have been friends for 17 years, I was her MOH 8 years ago when she got married.  All has been cool with everyone, I have no expectations for my girls beyond " buy your $80 dress, show up on time that day, and please be polite".  MOH called last week and told me that she had had no idea until that day that another very good girlfriend was a BM.  Shen then said that she didn't think that she could be the MOH unless I kicked my other friend out of the party.  When I asked why, her answer was that my other friend is divorced, and she (MOH) doesn't feel that it is appropriate for a divorced woman to be a BM.  We are all in our mid-30's and one other BM is divorced as well, but she has no issue with that one.  Keeping in mind that this is a bogus answer but she won't budge on her reasoning, how do I handle this?  I want both of these women by my side and want to preserve friendships, but I don't want stupid MUD to mar the day.
Thanks!!!
PATommysCAGirl :-)
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Re: MOH Problem- need some help here

  • m tullim tulli member
    100 Comments
    I would call her bluff.  I wouldn't feed into the drama she is trying to start and I would just say.  I really want you to be my MOH but I understand if you feel you need to step down.  Hopefully she will realize she is making a big deal out of nothing and will decide to still be in the wedding.  
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    She's crazy.  I would say something like:

    "I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I don't.  Jane is my very good friend, and I'm very excited that she'll be a BM at my wedding.  I am not going to kick her out for any reason, certainly not her marital status.  I think you are being silly and I hope you'll reconsider.  However, if you must back out, I'll understand."  

    I'll bet she backs off when you call her bluff.  If not, she's the one being ridiculous, and she'll have to live with that.  
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "Friend, I love you dearly and hope you'll be my MOH.  I'm not changing the wedding party and if that affects your desire to be in the wedding I understand."

    There HAS to be more to the story here.
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I agree with previous posters...  tell her that you are sorry that she feels that way, and you will miss having her stand next to you at your wedding. 

    She sounds like a peach. 

    image

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    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

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    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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  • bongebonge member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-problem-need-some-help-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c5215a84-eaa4-4eb3-b1b3-cdd00e96feabPost:e9b096af-57a8-47ba-b4fe-dcfcf8a520fa">Re: MOH Problem- need some help here</a>:
    [QUOTE]"<strong>Friend, I love you dearly and hope you'll be my MOH</strong>.  I'm not changing the wedding party and if that affects your desire to be in the wedding I understand." There HAS to be more to the story here.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    <div>this except i would say i don't understand how it has any bearing on you in the wedding party but that is your choice. </div>
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    RSVP Date: 6/1/2012
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  • meghansmomma1meghansmomma1 member
    First Comment
    Thanks ladies for your perspective!  I think there's more to it too, but I'm just not feelin' the drama. (and she definitely can be a real peach sometimes) :-)
    Best!
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  • BrittKnee42BrittKnee42 member
    First Comment
    Your best bet is to remind her that it is YOUR wedding therefore up to you.  Tell her that you value your friendship together and hopefully she can still stand by you no matter who you choose to be in your wedding.
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