Disagreement on the registry

LaurenNK · March 2010

We've been together for 10 years, living together for 5...

we have all the basic household stuff, so I have been viewing our registries as a chance to upgrade the things we already have. most of our house is hand-me-down furniture and discount dishes, and mismatched glasses because every set i buy breaks...

fiance thinks its silly to put higher-end kitchen gadgets, newer vacuum, slipcovers for sofas, etc on there. he wants to only put things we don't already have... like power tools, hiking gear, and yard equipment.

i'm all for those things, but still want my damn KitchenAid mixer. I know I'll only use it 4 times a year... but how often will the air compressor be handy, really?

are your guys into the registry? do they care what you put on it? have you had any disagreements about the "silly" things you are adding?

luckyme502 · March 2010

We have been living together for 3 years, so we didn't need a lot of stuff either. We registered for some really nice towels, some kitchen gadgets, a couple pots and pans we wanted, some really nice steak knives, a Dyson vacuum cleaner, and a towel warmer. We just tried to register for stuff from a variety of price points.

sweetviolet · March 2010

Nope, FI didn't want to have anything to do with registering - he thinks registering for gifts is weird. Since most people have been on their own for awhile and/or lived together before getting married, it's pretty common to put upgraded items on registries.

amagwire · March 2010

I think you should register for both the things you want. Is he afraid that if you register for kitchen gadets, he won't get power tools? Honesly, it sounds like a good compromise. Aside from that, I have seen one registry in the past that had no kitchen/bath items, and all 'activity items' like hiking equipment, tents, exercise equipment, etc. It felt strange to buy from the registry. Traditionally, wedding gifts are those that set the couple up for their future, and yes, you may not need anything, but I think it's good etiquette to add some upgrade items in this case.

noodle_oo · March 2010

I agree with PP. Your grandmother or great aunt will probably feel more comfortable buying you a mixer or kitchen stuff than hiking gear or power tools. I think you guys should compromise on this one and split it 50/50 with what each of you want.

We definitely registered together, but FI was fine with all the home stuff we picked out (same position own a home so we are upgrading). But I think he knows that is what people usually register for.

jagore08 · March 2010

I lived with DH 6 years before we got married and we did mostly upgrades (we live in an apt. so we have no use for yard things). I don't see the issue with having two registries. One for household upgrades and another for tools and hiking gear.

Jennifer2008 · March 2010

I agree -- register for things you both want (some power tools, some kitchen upgrades). You should have a range of items and price points. I would never personally buy someone a power tool as a wedding gift, but some people might. I would, however, get you that kitchenaid (though my fave is to give people crystal or china, something traditional that I know they'll have onto long term)

golden1215 · March 2010

I dont even think FI knows what a wedding registry is....

Everyone from his family will give cash so I made a small upgrade registry since we're like you, been living together for years and dont need anything. I hope I get my china because honestly.... other than your wedding, when are you ever going to buy a $100 plate?

MNVegas · March 2010

Register for both. As a guest I would buy you a KA mixer over camping equipment any day. Of course, I LOVE Kitchen Aid mixers and hoping to get one myself.

SuMmErKuTiE · March 2010

We've lived together for over a year now and combined apartments when we moved in together so we already had a bunch of the things we need, but we still need a lot more and could definitely use some upgrades.

FI was actually excited to register and he goes online every once in a while to check on it and add things. We registered for a lot of upgrades or things we still need, and he was excited to register for good grilling stuff.

I hope you get your Kitchen Aid mixer! That's one of the things on my registry I'm hoping for the most! :0)

stefani103 · March 2010

Ditto all pps. Register for what you want and he can register for what he wants too. FI was really into registering because we have all mismatched stuff and he is excited to upgrade. He was also able to add grill tools and a universal remote, for which he was way too excited.

It also gives guests a chance to give what they want to give. Yes, your aunt can buy the awesome KA mixer (soo worth it, even for 4 times a year!) but his college buddies can give power tools.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

FI actually convinced me to register, since his family is big on physical gifts. We're doing a combination of small and large kitchen gadgets we don't have, place settings (since we only have 7 mismatched, chipped plates), and upgraded sheets and towels. He'd love to register at REI but I've avoided telling him that REI has a registry option!

LaurenNK · March 2010

thanks for all the feedback ladies.

i guess in the long run i'm glad my guy is on the "practical" side and is satisfied as long as everything is actually working, but it sure would be nice to have plates that aren't chipped, towels that match, maybe even a set up glasses that don't say Pom on the side...

He's starting to see that this is our chance to receive the things we wouldn't ordinarily go out and buy for ourselves. His (huge) family has been waiting a long time for this wedding, so I won't be surprised if we have to throw a bunch of long-shot items back up on the registry if they snap everything up too quickly

Disagreement on the registry

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