Honeymoon VENT (long)

cmac3504 · December 2011

Alright... now I'm turning into Britt ;-)... This honeymoon thing is driving me absolutely insane. I'm --> <-- this close to giving up on it and not going on one. And I'm not even kidding.... at this point I would honestly rather not go on one than deal with this stress anymore.

1. FI has been working 60-80 hour weeks since April to finish up a project that originally had a deadline in MAY. Every month he tells me it'll be done that month. He wakes up at 6, goes to work, comes home at 10, showers, and goes to bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat... everyday, including most weekends. He's been apologizing about it and he understands how much it's affecting me and the wedding planning, but his work ethic is completely unheard of and he's so determined to finish what he started.. especially because there is a lot of visibility from the company on this. Yes, he got a "recognition" bonus last month, which was great, but I'm getting to the point where the $$ just doesn't matter... I want my FI back and I could really use him to get this HM planning completely done and over with!

2. Travel agent..... For a while I decided I wanted to forgo the use of a travel agent because I get weekly emails with deals. So I thought, c'mon I can do it myself and get a great deal on our honeymoon! The stress got to me and several people recommended we reach out to a TA. Here's the problem.. One of FI's best buddies' mom is a travel agent. One of my childhood close friend's mom is a travel agent. My FI reached out to his contact the same week that my DAD reached out to ours (no I did NOT ask him to). Now they're both looking up info and getting me quotes and it's like... how do we decide who we book with now?? They're both being very accomodating but it's hit me that.. wait... how can this possibly end well????

3. Airline points... An added complexity is that I have over 80K airline points so I figured we could save some money by purchasing one of our RT tickets using my points. But obviously the # of points needed totally depends on the airports, dates, and times. This has plateaued my progress so much because I came to the conclusion of #2 and don't want to ask either of the TAs to do more work for me if I might not even book with them.

I'm thinking I'm going to leave it alone until I get it back together (mentally) or FI steps up. Or I may just choose to do something more low key and easier for me to plan myself.

AHHHHHHHHHHH... OK.. I'm done. Needed to get that out!!!

And I should probably get back to work now... (this website is killing my progress at work hah)

cu97tiger · December 2011

I wish I could help you on the TA issue... I guess just go with the one that would be more hurt/upset if you DIDN'T use them?

With respect to your airline miles, instead of adding that into the mix, why don't you hold on to those and use them for another trip after the honeymoon? Maybe travelling for a holiday, or going somewhere in the fall after all the wedding craziness dies down.

arrestclementine · December 2011

I think tell both TA's what you are looking for, and tell them you are also looking for deals online and have contacted a couple other TA's to get pricing - that way they both are aware that you're looking for the best possible price. Then i would pick whoever is the cheapest. At least thats what I did i talked with like 3 or 4 different travel agents and did a lot of shopping online. Then found the best price but i really liked one TA best so i told her the best price and she was able to match it.

Just curious where are you looking to go? In the end I think you and your FI would be very happy to go on a HM after the wedding, it would be nice relaxing time for jsut the both of you so I don't think you should give up yet! You still have plenty of time!!! Good luck!

cmac3504 · December 2011

Yeah both very good pieces of advice!! We're looking at Hawaii (Honolulu, Kauai, Maui). I don't know much about it, and it requires inter-island travel, etc. which makes it all that much more complicated.

adrienne0925 · December 2011

I agree with cu97tiger about the airline points. Blackout dates and all the hassle isnt't worth it. Save them for a fun 1st year annv trip! I think you should go with the cheaper and more accomodating travel agent. I know its hard since you know them both, but I am sure they understand and see this stuff all the time. No need to stress over it! Have you chosen a location? I would talk to FI about that and then just book what you both agree on. I wouldn't wait around too long for him to make a choice..he seems busy and I am sure you are busy too! Let the travel agent do the work and good luck!

arrestclementine · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_honeymoon-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:614d7bd1-2e32-4029-8ac7-6a201e1b55dePost:9007f878-01d3-49d0-b40e-03a56df427ed">Re: Honeymoon VENT (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah both very good pieces of advice!! We're looking at Hawaii (Honolulu, Kauai, Maui). I don't know much about it, and it requires inter-island travel, etc. which makes it all that much more complicated.
Posted by cmac3504[/QUOTE]

We actually just went to Kauai this summer. LOVED it! How long are you planning on going for? And how long are you planning on staying at each island?

cmac3504 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_honeymoon-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:614d7bd1-2e32-4029-8ac7-6a201e1b55dePost:61702fe5-8674-433e-9eb6-2c0e95dc7e13">Re: Honeymoon VENT (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon VENT (long) : We actually just went to Kauai this summer. LOVED it! How long are you planning on going for? And how long are you planning on staying at each island?
Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]

I hear it's amazing. We're planning on 1 night on Oahu, 3-5 on Kauai, 4-5 on Maui (each travel agent suggested something different). The travel agent that suggested 1, 5, and 5 hasn't told me the trip price or what's included yet so she could just be using up our entire budget..

arrestclementine · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_honeymoon-vent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:614d7bd1-2e32-4029-8ac7-6a201e1b55dePost:35d88d87-10df-4f82-867e-d9c40d5d0aec">Re: Honeymoon VENT (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon VENT (long) : I hear it's amazing. We're planning on 1 night on Oahu, 3-5 on Kauai, 4-5 on Maui (each travel agent suggested something different). The travel agent that suggested 1, 5, and 5 hasn't told me the trip price or what's included yet so she could just be using up our entire budget..
Posted by cmac3504[/QUOTE]

Make sure you get a car rental on Kauai. Unless you plan on just staying at the restort and hanging ont he beach. I had the most fun snorkeling there! If you love the outdoors and hiking i could have spent 2 weeks on kauai there is sooo many things to do like hiking/waterfalls and such! It was such an amazing time! But if you plan to island hop you definately need a TA to help that stuff gets confusing super fast! I know when we went we just stayed at one of the super cheap hotels because we usually never spend any time there anyways. We litterally only showered and slept there..

w+c3 · December 2011

I was that girl before Britt, Britt took on my insanity, and now it looks like she has passed the torch to you!!

I totally know what you're going through! And I have an understanding of the hours and the stress it takes when your FI is only awake to work, shower, and eat dinner. My FI is in the seed corn industry and detasseling and harvest are TORTURE! And you're right the money is no compensation.

Anywho glad to hear you are working with travel agents. I was working with one and then was suggested to a friend's family member. So at one point I was getting deals from two. Honestly don't worry about turning one down. You won't be the first person to not book with them. I know it seems awkard but just realize you might have to put your big girl panties, as I call them, on for a few minutes to deliver the news. It won't make that big of a deal. Just realize that they know you are in for a good deal so when you find it steal it!

brittandjp · December 2011

Ohh geeze, I never wanted anyone to go through the stress I did when it came to the honeymoon. So, first and foremost, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this!

I was in a similar situation with the TA. However, our TA was JP's mom!! It was really hard because I wanted to be as nice as possible, but she just wasn't doing what we wanted her to do. So, I found myself doing all the research, telling her exactly what we wanted, then had her make the trip itinerary and book everything. Well, we thankfully narrowed it down, on our own, and gave her all the details. She was able to book a package deal with the flight and hotel we wanted. When all is said and done, the reality is that you cannot use both TA's. I'd go with the one that gives you a better package that suits what you're looking for. The other one isn't going to be super upset and I'm sure they'll understand. You don't have to say you used another TA. Just mention that you figured out another plan for your trip.

As for the points, I agree with PPs, just save them for another trip. Maybe a year anniversary or something along those lines.

Good luck! I knoooow how stressful it is, but it will work itself out. I know it's easier said than done, but just try to breathe, and trust that one of your TA's will find the perfect HM. Oh, and I'm sorry about your FI.

Hopefully he truly will be done with the busy schedule and back to your side in no time.

cmac3504 · December 2011

You guys are the best... THANK YOU! I freaked out today (shortly before I wrote the original post).. texted my mom and said I'm done planning the HM.... and when my FI called to check in right before the end of the day today I calmly told him I'm done planning the HM. I think he got it...... he came home at 6:30 today!! Not necessarily to work on the HM right away (he's doing work on his laptop right now) but we sat down and talked everything through to figure out how we can get this done.... realistically neither of us can do it on our own.

First we agreed that we should hold onto the points for a 1 year anniversary getaway (great advice because that was definitely adding to my anxiety).... and we determined that we just need to get quotes from both that have very similar itineraries (not the case right now). Then we'll just go with the one that seems to be the best price!

I'll definitely report back when it's all set......... PRAYING to be done by Christmas!! Thanks again, ladies!!

Honeymoon VENT (long)

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