vent

eowyn · April 2010

Ok everytime that I've been asked to be a bridesmaid I've done and worn whatever the bride wanted. Now that I'm the bride and all I've asked is that the girls get a green dress, not a particular one just a green dress I'm getting one bridesmaid who is panicking because she can't find a dress she's comfortable in and she's considering backing out! I have another one who has taken zero interest in the wedding at all and I'm afraid that she's going to back out. Aaauugghh!
Maybe I'm putting too much of my "bridal experience" into their participation, but the wedding party is a huge part of the whole experience...isn't it? Of the 9 bridemaids that I'm having, I've been in four of their weddings and I wore whatever they wanted. Now that it's my turn I figured that I wouldn't dictate to them what dress to wear I would let them decide what they are comfortable in. My only stipulations were that I didn't want casual fabrics, no patterned/sparkly/sequined fabrics either. Other than that they could choose any color of green they liked, any length, any style. Maybe I should have been the typical bride and chosen the dress and made them all wear the same thing

, Maybe too I should elope to Vegas and forget this whole thing...
or I suppose I could have faith that these bumps will smooth out and my wedding day will be fine. Vent over.

stina93446 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_vent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:693eb524-ab18-4329-8b12-ab34f698acdaPost:965253c1-a5e3-4418-8994-33273d23f788">vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok everytime that I've been asked to be a bridesmaid I've done and worn whatever the bride wanted. Now that I'm the bride and all I've asked is that the girls get a green dress, not a particular one just a green dress I'm getting one bridesmaid who is panicking because she can't find a dress she's comfortable in and she's considering backing out! I have another one who has taken zero interest in the wedding at all and I'm afraid that she's going to back out. Aaauugghh! Maybe I'm putting too much of my "bridal experience" into their participation, but the wedding party is a huge part of the whole experience...isn't it? Of the 9 bridemaids that I'm having, I've been in four of their weddings and I wore whatever they wanted. Now that it's my turn I figured that I wouldn't dictate to them what dress to wear I would let them decide what they are comfortable in. My only stipulations were that I didn't want casual fabrics, no patterned/sparkly/sequined fabrics either. Other than that they could choose any color of green they liked, any length, any style. Maybe I should have been the typical bride and chosen the dress and made them all wear the same thing , Maybe too I should elope to Vegas and forget this whole thing... or I suppose I could have faith that these bumps will smooth out and my wedding day will be fine. Vent over.
Posted by eowyn[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>For the bm that is stressing over the dress, send her to a davids. There's TONS of dresses there and they're inexpensive. </div><div>
</div><div>As for the bm that is not into your wedding, let it go. No one is going to be as into your wedding as you. She has a life and it doesn't contain your wedding. She's happy for you, she just has other things on her mind. It also depends on how far out your wedding is.

</div>

xoxob · April 2010

Is your wedding in October? They still have time to find a dress, especially if they are buying any dress they're comfortable in off the rack.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

Maybe there aren't many green dresses in stores right now, and they are only looking in department type stores and not bridal shops for dresses. I would recommend doing some homework for them by searching some sites with BM dresses, then send them some ideas of what you have found.

Yes, you were there for their weddings and did what they wanted, but maybe they are not as excited for your wedding as you are. 9 is a lot of people and some of them could be worried about the matching aspect. There are a lot of different shades of green out there, you should probably stick with at least a shade of green because if 3 are in a lime green, 3 in an olive, and 3 in an emerald it might look a little funny.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

Tell her to check bridal shops, or if you think she's confused about what you're looking for, send her some links with ideas to see that it's not too specific.

mbcdefg · April 2010

Some girls get frustrated when they're given too much leeway. I think it's awesome that you are letting them pick their own attire, but maybe this one girl is just upset because she cannot decide on anything. As a BM, I would enjoy picking my own dress, but I'd probably also be thinking, "Is this the shade of green that Bride wants? What if another girl gets this same dress and we look silly? What if this dress is fancier/more casual than the other BMs? What if Bride hates this dress and I need to start over?"

I would suggest asking the girl if she would like to go shopping with you, or if she wants to e-mail you some her her contenders. Or if she wants you to send her a paint swatch of the shade you want, or if she wants you to e-mail her some styles you like to get her started. Maybe it's more guidance that she's looking for. Talk to her and see.

As for the other BM ... some people just aren't into wedding plans. I have two BMs, and once in a while they'd ask me how things were going as a matter of conversation. They each came to one gown shopping appointment with me, kindly threw me a shower and bachelorette, and that was about it. I know they love me and care about my marriage, but they have other stuff going on in their lives besides my wedding. Just because they didn't help with the plans doesn't mean that they wanted to back out.

Plus, I wasn sort of glad that it was me and FI doing the planning, because I can be picky and I really wanted everything done my way ... IMO, too many people getting involved can potentially turn everything into a giant clusterfucck. I get VERY impatient when people are discussing what to do (like when my bachelorette friends spent 10 minutes deciding whether they wanted to go to another bar, then it was a matter of WHICH bar, and who would drive with whom ... I wanted to pull my hair out and scream PICK A PLACE ALREADY!!!). FI and I are the kind of people who like to make quick decisions and act on them right away, so adding in other people's opinions would've made us crazy. Perhaps your BMs are keeping mum because they don't want to interfere with your plans or your way of doing things?

emilyinchile · April 2010

Your last line is right on. Have faith that it will all work out. You've got plenty of time for people to buy dresses, especially if they could literally go to a store the morning of your wedding and buy something off the rack (not that they should, but they could). I wouldn't stress at all about the BM who's not interested because some people just aren't into weddings, or she might have other stuff going on.

Why is the other one freaking out about not having a dress 6 months in advance? Why can't she find a dress she's comfortable in? It seems like unless the issue is that she doesn't wear any kind of dress, since you've only specified a color she should be able to find something in the length/neckline/style she likes.

tracy_k · April 2010

Sometimes when the choices are too broad, it's actually harder for them to make a decision.

I know you're bending over backwards to accomodate them, but they may actually feel more comfortable if you just choose one or two shades from Davids and they can each select a style & length that flatters them (providing none of them have already bought their dresses, of course). Davids is everywhere, it's mostly affordable and very easy.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

http://www.anntaylor.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=24370&N=1200007+1500004&categoryId=180&pCategoryId=3939&Ne=1500001&Ns=CATEGORY_SEQ_180&Nty=1&loc=TN&colorFamily=Green&defaultColor=Dark%20Teal%20Marl&defaultSizeType=Regular

http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/dresses/weddingsparties/PRDOVR~96454/96454.jsp

http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/dresses/weddingsparties/PRDOVR~22747/99101919328/ENE~1+2+3+22+4294967294+20~~~17~15~all~mode+matchallany~~~~~green+dress/22747.jsp

http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/dresses/weddingsparties/PRDOVR~11455/99101799552/ENE~1+2+3+22+4294967294+20~~~17~15~all~mode+matchallany~~~~~green+dress/11455.jsp

http://www2.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?DeptID=50434&CatID=56292&GrpTyp=PRD&ItemID=175ab95&attrtype=&attrvalue=&CMID=73759|50444&Fltr=COL%3aEquals%3agreen&Srt=&QL=F&IND=6&cmVirtualCat=&CmCatId=73759|50444|56292

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=449389&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results

http://www.like.com/search?btnSearch=womens-dresses&searchText=special_occasion_green

tidetravel · April 2010

Sometimes, the open invitation to get "whatever they feel comfortable in" is too loose a rein. For the BMs that are having problems, can you go shopping with them? Or send them a couple suggestions and ask them to pick one of them?

mags0607 · April 2010

Your wedding is the same day as mine!

Okay, I would be like the bridesmaid that is panicking because she can't find anything. When I am given too much of a choice, I drive myself crazy and can't make a choice at all. I am the type of person that needs at least one guideline to be able to pick out something. Try offering to go shopping with her, or do some research and send her what you have found, and see if she likes any of it.

Also, you have plenty of time for dresses. We haven't even picked out a dress for the BMs yet, so you have time, and so does your BM.

eowyn · April 2010

Awesome guys, Thanks!

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

If nothing else, you can tell her that you're retaining veto power and will let her know if what she's considering isn't going to work. That way she can have a little more confidence that she's not going to screw things up.

Out of curiosity, what size is she? My MOH is plus-sized with a larger bust than normal for her size, so she spent MONTHS trying to find something that would work, and in her price range. She finally found it about a month ago; the bridal salons didn't have anything, but she found a nice dress in a shop that caters to plus-sized women. Or perhaps it's her budget that's a concern, and she's not finding anything in her price range.

If I were you, I'd talk to her and find out what exactly about the dress hunt is stressing her out, and see how you can help. Maybe you can give her a few more guidelines, take her out shopping and see what you can find, or chip in some money if her budget's too tight.

lalap69 · April 2010

It sounds like they're just freaking out from having too much leeway, but the good news is that there's still time and PP have given you some good direction. I don't think you should narrow down the colours like one PP suggested, but I do think it could help if you asked the girls to run their dresses by you first. That way you can make sure no girls buy the same dress (if that bothers you or if you think it would bother them) and it will give them confidence in selecting the dress. GL!

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