August 2012 Weddings

Who is causing you the most stress?

Is it a bridesmaid, a sibling, the FMIL, or a vendor?

Right now, and really the only person in this process has been my mom.  I love her to death and it's not like her to stress me out, but we fought on the guest list.  She doesn't understand the concept of a small wedding. I am a bit embarrassed to say I gave in (I do like most of the cousins she insisted on), but honestly, I just wanted to shut her up because I couldn't stand hearing about it the next 3 months.  I did let her know the four friends of mine that I had to scratch off the list to accomodate her whiny ways and I told her she better spend time talking to them.  I told her it was over with and I never wanted to hear another word about it.  It was a bit bi*$chy of me how I handled it, but I stuck to my guns as long as I could, but her crying got to me (plus, she was always worse about it after she would see them and we just got invited to a party for them, so I knew there would be another crying begging episode in the future).

And, my reception venue underwent new management and has a new event person to work with whom I contacted last week when the previous one let me know he was fired.  This was important because we never signed a contract (it wasn't their way to do things), and I wanted to make sure they were still honoring dates.  I was able to confirm my date along with time & # of people. However, it was the new person's first day on the job and he said he was trying to get everything in order and he was going to call everyone within the next 2 weeks and go over details.  I told this all to my mom.  Today she calls me to let me know that she happened to find out that another event was double booked at my venue (on a different date) and that I should probably do something to make sure this didn't happen to me.  Really?!  Did you need to tell me this when I just told you last week that we were ok on the reception, but would be going over details in the next week or two.  Or, if you're so concerned, how about calling the venue yourself instead of making me now have a tinge of worry about the situation.  It's essentially out of my hands anyway if that did happen. Grr...
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Re: Who is causing you the most stress?

  • OMG I am so sorry about your stressors.  I totally feel your pain.  I would have to say the person causing me the most stress is myself...for telling my mom everything LOL.  My mom used to be a wedding organizer (you would think that would be a great help, but nOOOOO) and proceeds to tell me why everything we want to do is bad, wrong, or "tacky".  Example...we want to announce the wedding party, she says it takes to long and it's to hard to get everyone together....or we want to walk in and go right to our first dance...but nooooo, that's just not how it's done and we need to get our guests feed asap...and so on and so forth...

  • I'm sorry to hear that your mom is making things so stressful.  I guess that I'm lucky because right now, no one is really causing me stress.  Everything is in good shape with our vendors, and my family, friends, and FI are being really supportive.  My mom can get a bit opinionated once in a while, but overall she is pretty good.  The thing that was stressing me out a lot before is that one of my bridesmaids is flying in from Turkey.  I was worried that her flight would be really close to the wedding and it would get delayed and she would miss the wedding.  She just told me that she is flying in a week early, though, so I am relieved.
  • random4180random4180 member
    500 Comments
    edited May 2012
    For the most part, I'm doing pretty well with keeping stress-free...which means that if I had to pick one source of stress, it would be they guy I'm marrying, lol. We're DIY-ing a lot of the wedding and I do a LOT of the research and inquiring and compiling and for the most part he's okay if he just shows up to the meetings, which he does. That said...he still hasn't gone and decided what he wants for the GM and himself to wear. And he's insisting on doing it on his own, which is fine, I don't need to dress him- but there are other people asking me what the guys are wearing so they can plan accordingly (namely my Dad and one of my BM whose son is the ringbearer; if he talked to his family more, they'd probably ask him too!) I mean, I know he has opinions and it's not just a smile and nod kind of thing- he had an opinon on our cake topper and the wedding centerpiece flowers and the appetizers and the ceremony music and the favors...it's just getting those opinions out of him that's like pulling teeth sometimes. *sigh* I do love him, ADD and all. I know when I'm worried about whether all the details are going to come together just right, he'll know exactly what to say and do to make everything okay.
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • My mom and grandma have been the biggest stress; they talk to other people about how I'm "not inviting anybody" and then get all defensive when I say that if they want to cover the costs of having their extra people that I would be fine with it. Its like they like complaining.

    Right now I'm most nervous about the things my FI said he would take care of... he's writing a reading that's only about half done, he's making the cake topper and the kids' coloring books neither of which have even been started. I know we still have a bit of time, but really, we're about to be in double digits. Time to kick it into gear, man!
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  • There isn't just one person causing me stress, there are multiple!  I love my family they are being so helpful, but they have also been stressing me out!!  So have FI's family members, but I love them too!!  I just feel like I'm being pulled in different directions and have brought out the drama queen sides of some family members (which I never intended to do).  FI keeps me grounded, but also stresses me out because I feel like he isn't helping with much except to hug me when I've had a bad day (which really helps trust me), but if he's had a bad day it is like he is a totally different person and if I go to him with a problem he just is critical and yells instead of being helpful like he usually is.  Maybe I'm just super sensitive right now, especially because I'm moving back to my hometown at the end of May (for a job) and won't see FI as much, but it is difficult to have him upset when in a few weeks we'll be apart again...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_who-is-causing-you-the-most-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:45072202-fa06-415c-93aa-2190de0cc199Post:83ead470-1fc6-4027-8fdc-53aa136a60f4">Re: Who is causing you the most stress?</a>:
    [QUOTE] if he's had a bad day it is like he is a totally different person and if I go to him with a problem he just is critical and yells instead of being helpful like he usually is.
    Posted by saraschilling88[/QUOTE]

    Ugh I know what you mean. Except for me, usually its if FI had a bad day he decides somehow that *I'm* in a bad mood! Its like, I'm acting normal and he reads into it. It's irritating because once he goes down that path, I usually *get* upset... so stressful...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_who-is-causing-you-the-most-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:45072202-fa06-415c-93aa-2190de0cc199Post:b5a36f98-d6d2-4c99-a4fe-91f0aef186dc">Re: Who is causing you the most stress?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who is causing you the most stress? : Ugh I know what you mean.<strong><u> Except for me, usually its if FI had a bad day he decides somehow that *I'm* in a bad mood</u></strong>! Its like, I'm acting normal and he reads into it. It's irritating because once he goes down that path, I usually *get* upset... so stressful...
    Posted by spazticrexe[/QUOTE]

    Exactly...I love this.  I can say "Hi honey" and poof, IM the one in a bad mood.  OK mr. grumpy.

    I must say however, I love that he wants to be involved in all the planning.  SOmetimes trying to incorporate his ideas makes more work for me..but I love he is more 'hands on' than most men, from what i hear
  • i2012doi2012do member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    my fils have caused me the most stress. They waited so long to book their flights that now they are extremely expensive, and they are complainging about money. Then they told us they were going to pay for the rehearsal so FFIL took over and started to plan it- he lives 2500 miles away and has never been here- so he doesnt know where anything is in correlation to other places- and was sending me restaurants over an hour away or places that had closed or were dumps. I tried explaining to him the area we are getting married in has only a select amount of places w private rooms and he said everyone just wants to "get drunk and have fun". Then he decided they are no longer going to throw it so fiances aunt and uncle (who werent even invited) volunteered to throw it, but they havent been in touch with me...so i have no idea if thats even going on

    His mom doesnt really do anyting at all and hwen i asked her if she knew their travel dates, she said her only responsibilty was to show up at the airport with a dress for the wedding. They aren't really financially supportive which nis FINE however, they aren't really "emotionally" supportive either.

    Its been really difficult beacuse I KNOW it is hurting my fiance and stuff so it adds a lot of stress and even a lot of strain on our relationship at times when I feel a bit upset that my parents are bedning over backwards and his parents arent doing a thing.

    Also- my venue is stressful they just changed the rules about alcohol, The chivari chair rentals are the highest prices around, and the woman is IMPOSSIBLE to get in touch with.
    www.weddedeverafter.blogspot.com
    167 Invited image 34 Attending image Declined 4 image Still Waiting 129 image
  • Definately my FI! I think he is just ready for it to be over. lol
    imageAnniversary
  • My bridesmaids!!! lol UGH!!! I never thought at least one of them would have so many opinions about what to do and how to do it! I allowed them to picked the dresses and the one is still complaining about needing to find ways to put the other color of the wedding on the dress! I have told her, the pink is also in the flowers and I really don't want something sewn onto the dresses. UGH!
    Then to top it off, I suggested going to a wine festival for the bachoolerette party. (I'm really not into the bar seen, never was and I really don't like all the attention drawn on me) I really enjoy the wine fest and I thought it would be a fun relaxing weekend for us all. Well, little did I know AFTER she asked me for the details and all ticket information and found out we couldn't go cause of some other conflicting schedules that "it would have been just a WASTED WEEKEND FOR HER"!! cause she doesn't like red wine. -WELL, let me tell you!!! there is a HELL ove a lot more to the festival than just red wine AND if it was going to be a wasted weekend for her, she would have been wasted on alchol (she is a big drinker). I'm getting to the point where I just wish we had a very small wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_who-is-causing-you-the-most-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:45072202-fa06-415c-93aa-2190de0cc199Post:b15f0b96-1d38-4390-8187-d50599b07e35">Re: Who is causing you the most stress?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm getting to the point where I just wish we had a very small wedding.
    Posted by leamide[/QUOTE]

    I went with the small wedding approach which is causing the guest list issues with my mom.  You can never win!!  I'm here with the small wedding wishing I had eloped! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
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  • I'd like to change my answer after last night lol! 

    My friend/personal attendant is stressing us (FI and I) out hardcore.. She was a BM and backed out, has backed out on multiple WR things (most recently was last night when she backed out of going to my 2nd bridal shower, she didn't attend the first either), and multiple NWR things!! 

    Yesterday I found out our area's Girls Night Out is back (ladies of all ages drive around to different shops/businesses and get stamps on a card, then they turn in the card at the end of the night and are registered for prizes both at the businesses and for a cash grand prize).  First thing I do is to call my friend (we have gone together a few times, I thought she'd want to go with me).. She doesn't answer so I leave a voicemail thinking she was too busy with her little one to answer the phone.. So we are making plans to go to dinner and I ask her if she got my voicemail, she says, "oh, um.. well.. lets talk about it later" (which is her speak for I'm thinking of a way to tell you I'm backing out).. She tells me reasons why 3 different times throughout the night.. 1st reason - she thought I knew about it and was too busy with wedding plans to call and ask her (this is CRAP, FI and I hang out once every 1 or 2 weeks with her and her hubby because we make TIME for our friends).  2nd reason - she thought I knew about it via Facebook, and didn't call because I didn't want to go (again CRAP because I love going to GNO, in fact it was ME who got her to go the first time).  3rd reason - She found out at her Mom's Morning Out group and made plans that day to go with them and was elected to be the driver (DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER) - this is the reason I believe, and she had lied to me about thinking I was too busy or not wanting to go in order to avoid telling me the truth... 

    I wouldn't be so stressed by her, except this is a reoccurring theme...  I realize I posted about her twice, but I am honestly that frustrated and needed to just vent it out..
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  • I'm so sorry about you're situation! Moms are mega stressful, you are not alone on this one. My mom is refusing to attend my wedding bc I have asked her well told her that her husband is not invited. He has openly expressed numerous times that he doesn't like me, and has gotten into fights with my FI both times they met. So my mother says she will not come without him... I had finally come to terms with that, but now she has contacted all her family Members and forbid them to come as well... This is supposed to be a happy time, and she is doing everything she can to wreck it! I wish it was just as simple as telling her her husband can come... But we are way passed that... Besides the fact that he would be that guy that would try and ruin the ceremony by doing something awful I just can't have him there for my own sanity. Her side of the family isn't very large and only one of my aunts has "sided" with her and says she isn't coming, but still it sucks.
    196 Invited image
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