When we started our guest list, we limited it to 125-130. My dad was gracious and offered to pay for the reception, but we still want to keep the number reasonable. Because both sides of my family are massive, we had to limit the number of friends invited, which was disappointing to us, but you gotta do what you gotta do. We also made the rule of no children unless you are in the bridal party or directly related to someone in the bridal party (which is 7 kids total, we are ok with that), and the rule that unless you are married, engaged, or living together, you can't bring a guest.
Well, my cousin M (mom's brother's son) has been dating this girl K for almost two years; K also is friends with my sister. I don't know her at all, and have met her only once. My aunt got really upset when our mutual cousin did the same rule at his wedding last Sept and didn't allow M to bring K. She thought it was inappropriate since they had been together for so long, and made it known to everyone. She wanted K to be invited to ours, and was going about it backhandedly. We stuck to the rules we made and told not only my aunt, but my sister as well- both of whom had already promised K that she would be invited to my wedding. It's not like M won't know anyone at the wedding; just like at our mutual cousin's wedding, he will know a good bit of people attending, most our age.
The family got into a big spat about it at Easter dinner, when FI finally stepped up (he doesn't like fights/confrontation) and told everyone that this was the rule that we decided on, and we were sticking to it, it was a mutual decision both him and I had made. M's brother, T, stood up and said the same thing; this girl is dating the bride's cousin, isn't related to me or knows me, and shouldn't expect an invitation. Both my sister and aunt stormed off and were pissy the rest of the day.
It came up again this weekend, when my sister, M, and K graduated from UD. She came along to dinner, and of course the wedding came up as a topic. My aunt got all pissy about it again, making comments, not talking to me or FI, etc.
Now, my mom is pressuring us to include K on the guest list; she is so nice, M is family and dating her (while some of my friends who have significant others can't bring them bc they aren't family, is her thing), my sister is good friends with her, blah blah blah. FI and I left my mom's the other day, FI fuming and me in tears because of this.
NEITHER I NOR FI KNOW THIS GIRL! We have other friends that we would want there before I start inviting ppl that I don't know. Also, FI's cousin has been in a serious relationship for 4 years, and they know, respect, and understand that she can't bring him; they aren't making a fuss. Finally, T (M's brother/my other cousin) is dating this girl, L, for the umpteenth time, and it's an unhealthy relationship. If I allow M to bring K, I have to allow T to bring L, and then others will want dates, etc. Not only that, but I am not responsible for promises of invitations made by others; that's their deal, not mine.
I need some advice on what to do! Do I give in, and allow K to come, just to get everyone off my back? Do I wait and see if I have room, and put her on the last minute list (C list)? Do I (and FI, for that matter) stand our ground and go with our decision? I want to stand our ground; I figure I would rather have M/my aunt mad at me over one guest not allowed to come, then have several other close friends and family P.O.ed at me because I made this exception and didn't allow their date.
Sigh, I am so tired of the fighting; it seems at every turn, my wedding, which should be happy and joyous and a celebration, has caused nothing but drama on both my mom's side and my dad's side. I wish everyone for once would just look at me and say what my dad did- that they want us to be happy, and whatever we want is what matters because this is a celebration of us. So far, my dad is the only one who has said that to us (which is the last person you would expect!). I am fed up with it all. Thoughts please? HELP!