Pre-wedding Parties

Multiple Showers ettiquite?

Hi all! Sorry for the long post... hopefully this will all make sense! My future sister-in-law has offered to throw me a typical bridal shower with a handful of friends and family. Another friend offered to host a couples shower. So, my first question is, would it be considered rude for a few couples to be invited to the couples shower, when the female half of the couple had already attended the bridal shower? This would only be in the case of a handful of good friends.

Additionally, my fiancee and I have moved away from our hometown, where most of our friends and family still live. A friend where we live now (who has been invited to the wedding) offered to throw us a couples shower - she loves to entertain and I think she would really like to do it. However, we were unable to invite most of the rest of our new friends where we currently live to the wedding.

Would it be appropriate to let this person know that we'd love to celebrate with our friends here, but aren't comfortable having a shower, since most of the people we'd invite aren't invited to the wedding, but instead ask if we could do some kind of luncheon or other sort of event? Or should we skip it alltogether? I don't want to give off the expectation that people should bring us gifts, especially since they aren't invited to the wedding. What do you think?
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Re: Multiple Showers ettiquite?

  • mcskatcatmcskatcat member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    My only general rule of thumb with multiple showers is to avoid overlap on the guest list as much as possible.  Overlap, IMO, needs to stick to just bridesmaids and the MOG and MOB.  I think you need to work on the guest list so that all of the ladies you mentioned will only be invited to one shower.  They'll probably see it as gift grabby if they're invited to more than one shower.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    ditto mcskatcat - Even if you don't expect your friends to purchase a gift for both showers, they will probably feel like they should. Moms, grandmothers,sisters and bms are the only people who should be invited to all showers. They may choose which, if any, parties they want to attend.

    You can let your new friend know that you are uncomfortable having a shower with guests who will not be invited to the wedding. It should be up to her to offer some kind of alternative. A party after the wedding would probably be a better idea.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    I like your last idea,,,Celebrate without the expectations of gifts.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_multiple-showers-ettiquite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:980c70e4-0102-49a3-ad27-2b42d569b93ePost:95182b7c-1bd3-4dfe-a95a-284ab055eacc">Re: Multiple Showers ettiquite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]ditto mcskatcat - Even if you don't expect your friends to purchase a gift for both showers, they will probably feel like they should. Moms, grandmothers,sisters and bms are the only people who should be invited to all showers. They may choose which, if any, parties they want to attend. You can let your new friend know that you are uncomfortable having a shower with guests who will not be invited to the wedding. It should be up to her to offer some kind of alternative. A party after the wedding would probably be a better idea.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, this
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