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Not Engaged Yet
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Hello, I'm new here. :)
Hi everyone! I'm Christina and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. We live together and while there is no ring yet, we're on the same page as far as what we want in the future and I know we both see marriage in our future at some point. When we talk about marriage, there's a lot of "whens" (as opposed to "Ifs") and we've had a few conversations about what each of us would want in a wedding. We've had quite a few friends getting married or engaged recently, which are usually the topics of conversation that lead to us talking about our own wedding or what we like. I know I sound like a hopeful young girl, picking apart all the little things, looking for a sign....but if you knew my boyfriend, you'd understand. He's VERY cautious and definately not the kind of person to say "when" or "our" unless he sees that in his future.
Anyway, I'll stop boring you all with that. I'm here because I heard about this site years ago through my ex sister-in-law. She used it to plan her wedding and I'm really just browsing around. Though no ring yet, the last thing I want is to get engaged and have NO idea of what I want. I didn't have a "real" wedding with my last husband...so I want my future wedding to be the wedding of my dreams (don't we all? isn't that why we're here?). So I'm just slowly going to put some ideas together on here. I look forward to sharing ideas with all of you.
Anyway, I'll stop boring you all with that. I'm here because I heard about this site years ago through my ex sister-in-law. She used it to plan her wedding and I'm really just browsing around. Though no ring yet, the last thing I want is to get engaged and have NO idea of what I want. I didn't have a "real" wedding with my last husband...so I want my future wedding to be the wedding of my dreams (don't we all? isn't that why we're here?). So I'm just slowly going to put some ideas together on here. I look forward to sharing ideas with all of you.
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Re: Hello, I'm new here. :)
I might just be a bitter not engaged hag, but only a year and a half seems really soon to me. Am I the only one?
We're not engaged yet, and I don't see it happening for QUITE awhile, to be honest. Having been married before...I am in absolutely no rush to be tying the knot again. I've said, next time is the last time. I won't go into detail of my first marriage, but it wasn't right, shouldn't have happened...and we were very very young. I struggled through that marriage for 5 years, prettymuch exhausting all possiblities to make it work. There was too much damage from the beginning and I definately learned a lot from it. I don't want to go through that again. I'm not expecting a ring tomorrow, or even a year from now, but a girl can daydream, right? I'm just happy knowing that he's seeing a future for us, and I see it too, and I'm more than willing to wait as long as it takes to call this wonderful man my husband.
[QUOTE][OP, this is a general comment, not necessarily generated directly to you. I see you've been married before so maybe it's different.] I might just be a bitter not engaged hag, but only a year and a half seems really soon to me. Am I the only one?
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]
A year and a half is all relative. In your early 20s, I do think it is soon. However later in life, I don't think it is too soon.
Then again, this is coming from someone who was engaged less than a year after we met and married a year and a half into our relationship.
[QUOTE]Hi everyone! I'm Christina and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. We live together and while there is no ring yet, we're on the same page as far as what we want in the future and I know we both see marriage in our future at some point. When we talk about marriage, there's a lot of "whens" (as opposed to "Ifs") and we've had a few conversations about what each of us would want in a wedding. We've had quite a few friends getting married or engaged recently, which are usually the topics of conversation that lead to us talking about our own wedding or what we like. I know I sound like a hopeful young girl, picking apart all the little things, looking for a sign....but if you knew my boyfriend, you'd understand. He's VERY cautious and definately not the kind of person to say "when" or "our" unless he sees that in his future.
Anyway, I'll stop boring you all with that. I'm here because I heard about this site years ago through my ex sister-in-law. She used it to plan her wedding and I'm really just browsing around. Though no ring yet, the last thing I want is to get engaged and have NO idea of what I want. I didn't have a "real" wedding with my last husband...<strong>so I want my future wedding to be the wedding of my dreams (don't we all? isn't that why we're here?). So I'm just slowly going to put some ideas together on here. I look forward to sharing ideas with all of you. :)</strong>
Posted by Christi213[/QUOTE]
I will say that there is no point in getting ideas for the wedding of 'your' dreams. A wedding is about two people and both of those people deserve to have their ideas heard. Keep on enjoying your relationship and building towards that future. Leave the wedding stuff alone until after you are engaged.
I agree with Mutley that age has a lot to do with it. Yes at 18 you shouldn't get married after dating a year and a half, but once you get older and experience life a bit a year and a half seems like a decent time to be getting engaged.
[QUOTE]Mutley, Thank you for your input. I think you stressed the "my" in what a said a little more than I meant it to be. If you read above in that same post I talked about us talking about what we would want, twice. I'm not planning anything, just getting ideas...ideas that would work for both of us. I'm enjoying this relationship and it's progress to the fullest. I'm not understanding why me being here and taking a look around to get ideas and not being engaged yet, is even an issue. Is this not the "Not Yet Engaged" board? And I'm not trying to be catty, so please don't take it that way, I'd just like to be clear as to what this board's purpose is and if I'm misunderstanding something..
Posted by Christi213[/QUOTE]
I can only go off of what you wrote. I was actually fairly nice to you.
You will notice that the majority of women on this board are engaged or married. We have some NEYers, but I assure you that they are not planning or getting ideas. (Some have bios that are a complete joke.)
The general consensus is that you do not plan your wedding or 'get ideas' until you are engaged.
And Mutley was very nice to you.
Mutley -- You have been warm and fuzzy lately. Except the part where you growl in the face of love.
Before I was engaged, I was looking around a little bit to get a feel for what I liked. I loved hearing about other peoples' weddings... and I got some great ideas from brides that I made mental note of and tucked away (such as numbering my RSVPs).
FI doesn't care much about the wedding itself.... but when we got engaged EVERYTHING changed anyway. We had a budget and a guest list and input from parents and new ideas that I hadn't considered before and time constraints.... you name it.
I'm of the opinion that it's not totally crazy to think about your weddign and even tuck away some neat ideas for later. However, it's much healthier (and saner-looking) to focus more on your relationship and to avoid getting caught up in wedding fever.
But everybody's first post has something to do with wanting a dream wedding or some other thing like that. You don't seem crazy. But only time and participation in other threads will really tell.
And on topic of profiles - I have a "wedding date" on mine because I HAD to choose one when I signed up....it's not "real" it's not meant to elude anyone...just a random date.
That last post was for Mutley, as you probably figured...and I really wasn't taking what she said to be mean at all. She pointed something out about my post, I simply pointed a few things out in return. I hope nobody took my response to her negatively, and if so, I apologize!
Most of the engaged/married people have been here for a while through the various stages of their relationships.
[QUOTE]The question I have, is this a group of ladies that joined as NEYers and stayed together throughout their engagements and, in some cases, marriages, that don't want newbie joining in?
Posted by Christi213[/QUOTE]
To be very honest, that IS the sense this board has now and then. The regular ladies are often harsh on new posters... not usually "mean," but they're quick to point out anything you say that seems unusual or a little "off."
But it's not an impenetrable group. If you hang around and become active in the forum (and you are NOT a crazy person) you'll find that these girls have a lot of valuable experience and advice... and they will certainly give it to you in an honest and candid way.
I definitely wouldn't call this a "puppies and rainbows" board... but it's a lot of fun and I've made some great friends here.
But newbies are welcome!
Many of the regs on this board are just very much about not getting caught up in wedding fever, even though this is a wedding website. Most of us are of the opinion that that isn't necessarily healthy, and we're here b/c we want to help each other keep our priorities straight.
But it sounds like yours are in pretty good order so you should fit right in.
Welcome!
My opinion is that if someone is on the knot, a wedding planning website, they have, are and will be looking at various ideas that make up this site. You don't end up on a wedding website unless you are thinking weddings (whether it be your own or honestly looking for ideas to help out a friend.)
Congrats to those of you that are engaged and to the newlyweds as well!
I, like a lot of the girls here, joined before we got engaged and ended up staying because we like the community.
If you stick around and chat I'm sure you'll be welcomed. If you stick around and try to plan your wedding before you're engaged... well, we don't look too kindly on that.
But yes, there are many girls on this board who are NEY. But they aren't on this board to plan their weddings.
This board was created because TK wants to make money. They make money off of advertisers. (Points to the Helzberg Diamonds background.) The NEY forum is a whole breeding ground for susceptible crazies. It is a great way for TK to hook women early. So yes, the description makes it seem okay to plan out your wedding while you are not engaged. It will make them the most money. At the end of the day, TK is a business.
Hetshup - I agree - it would be great for Christi to stick around as you bring some valuable experience/wisdom to the bored. But - the girls here do tell it like it is and that what makes the board work -honesty - not matter if its what you want to hear or not.
Welcome to the board!
[QUOTE]Hi Christi-- I would like for you to stay, yes we are snarky and we can be harsh. But the reality is that we don't sugar coat things. You have excellent experience about why the 18-19 year olds should maybe think about getting married. It's really not b\c we're haterz, it's because as a general rule it's a bad idea. That being said, welcome, and <strong>try not to book anything, or else we shall have to feed you to the wolves</strong>.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]
lol I had absolutely NO intention to BOOK anything yet. That I absolutely will wait for a ring for! I don't understand why anyone would even do that..
Thanks for the welcome :)
It's a funny place to be, when your mind starts to explore the things you want, but you are not yet ready for. And I'm a little bit of a planning (I've heard 'control') freak - if something's going to happen, I like to know how & when, so I can be 'prepared'. At least, that's my excuse. This board has helped me calmed the demons! The honesty here is certainly not malicious.
When did Jeana become a moderator? Cool. And I had something else to say but I forget... darn it...
You seem pretty sane. Stick around and see if you can handle/contribute to the brutal honesty and bitterness (jk jk) that is NEY. We're pretty fun once you get to know us;)
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
FI and I met irl for the first time on May 20th 2009 , and were engaged on November 18th 2009. Our one year anniversary is in 3 days , and when we get married it will be just under 2 years that we were together. That is what worked for us , not everyone and we are older than some of the ladies here , though that really may only be why some have a hard time relating to our situation. We literally knew we were going to marry each other the first time we met. Time is relative , it's what is best for you. Granted I do believe at a much younger age , say 10 years ago , I would have called myself BSC - I needed much more life experience and being on my own to relaize many things , including how to work and help support a successful relationship. But that's just me , and welcome