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Not Engaged Yet
Is it crazy to save at this point? Sorry long...
I had a long talk with Boyfriend yesterday about the mixed signals he sends me on the possiblity of us getting married. I told him I didn't want him to feel pressured I just wanted to know what he was thinking. I felt like even if he said he has no clue where he sees thing in the long term that was an answer.
Well he said he feels like he can't propse till he is closer to having the house he is planning built. He is doing the work himself so it will take longer than the norm. His plan is to propose when he has the framework done and hopefully get married around the time the house is done. He is thinking 2-3 years before his house is done. (Of course that depends on his work situation... he fluctuates from last Oct he was working 60 hours a week so he wouldn't have time to get much work done on the house and now he is laid off so that means money put toward the house is on hold.) But like if he is working 40 hours a week that gives him the money to work on the house and the time to work on the house. So that would have him get the house done closer to the 2 year mark. If work doesn't come in or he works extra long hours we are looking at 3 or even longer.
I know most of his income will go to building the house even after we get engaged if we do according to his timeline. I don't have much income. So I am thinking of trying to cut back some places and saving money now so that I will have some money saved up. I am sure my dad will contribute (because he has made it clear he doesn't want me to hurt my grandmother's feelings by not having a formal family wedding like I did my 1st wedding.) I just feel ike even know he has mentioned this I don't think it is right to have any expectation for him to contribute. In fact when he learned that things were getting more serious between my boyfriend and I he said "don't you dare elope again."
Part of me feels like is crazy to save before things are offical. Then part of me feels like if things don't progress to a wedding between Boyfriend and I then I can always use that money for something else, like for my kids for college or a house of my own. I just think the best bet is to make a second savings account seperate from my general savings and try not to that money unless I absolutly have to.
So is it crazy to save what I can now? It won't be much because my budget is tight. I was just thinking right now about every other week I go to lunch with a friend and to start I would just cut that down to once a month and save the amount of one lunch. That I would do little things like that. Just something to start saving. Also right now I have a bill that is $25 a month. That will end in April and I am thinking of adding that $25 to the savings after that bill is paid off.
Well he said he feels like he can't propse till he is closer to having the house he is planning built. He is doing the work himself so it will take longer than the norm. His plan is to propose when he has the framework done and hopefully get married around the time the house is done. He is thinking 2-3 years before his house is done. (Of course that depends on his work situation... he fluctuates from last Oct he was working 60 hours a week so he wouldn't have time to get much work done on the house and now he is laid off so that means money put toward the house is on hold.) But like if he is working 40 hours a week that gives him the money to work on the house and the time to work on the house. So that would have him get the house done closer to the 2 year mark. If work doesn't come in or he works extra long hours we are looking at 3 or even longer.
I know most of his income will go to building the house even after we get engaged if we do according to his timeline. I don't have much income. So I am thinking of trying to cut back some places and saving money now so that I will have some money saved up. I am sure my dad will contribute (because he has made it clear he doesn't want me to hurt my grandmother's feelings by not having a formal family wedding like I did my 1st wedding.) I just feel ike even know he has mentioned this I don't think it is right to have any expectation for him to contribute. In fact when he learned that things were getting more serious between my boyfriend and I he said "don't you dare elope again."
Part of me feels like is crazy to save before things are offical. Then part of me feels like if things don't progress to a wedding between Boyfriend and I then I can always use that money for something else, like for my kids for college or a house of my own. I just think the best bet is to make a second savings account seperate from my general savings and try not to that money unless I absolutly have to.
So is it crazy to save what I can now? It won't be much because my budget is tight. I was just thinking right now about every other week I go to lunch with a friend and to start I would just cut that down to once a month and save the amount of one lunch. That I would do little things like that. Just something to start saving. Also right now I have a bill that is $25 a month. That will end in April and I am thinking of adding that $25 to the savings after that bill is paid off.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is it crazy to save at this point? Sorry long...
[QUOTE]It is never crazy to save money. It doesn't have to have a special purpose. Just save.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]
<div>This. And also, I've recently learned from personal experience...NEVER count on money that isn't in your bank account, even if it was promised to you.</div>
I see nothing wrong with saving money. It doesn't have to be a "wedding fund". It could be a general "for the future" fund, and you could use it towards a wedding or a house, a car, children's education, etc. Anything like that.
Saving money isn't crazy. I started investing money towards a "future" fund at 19, and I just save whatever I can afford to.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crazy-save-this-point-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0904eeeb-f7a2-4c3f-99cd-d3a1f7dddd43Post:e198ebc2-de33-4cda-86e4-a349b9d73ea5">Re: Is it crazy to save at this point? Sorry long...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it crazy to save at this point? Sorry long... : This. And also, I've recently learned from personal experience...NEVER count on money that isn't in your bank account, even if it was promised to you.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
Boo. Any resolution on that yet, Shoes?
[QUOTE]Boo. Any resolution on that yet, Shoes?
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
<div>No, not really. I'm still fairly heartbroken about the whole situation. FI sat me down last night and had a sort of come to Jesus talk with me and told me that being depressed about the whole situation wasn't going to change things. He told me that we'd get married no matter what, so we need to keep on trucking.</div><div>
</div><div>We decided to err on the side of optimism for now. We're going to put a deposit down on the church and proceed as though nothing happened because the church is most likely to get booked up very quickly. If the reception venue gets booked up or if this semester of school ends and there is no resolution, we will have to come up with plan B. In that instance, we'd lose the $400 deposit on the church, but nothing else.</div><div>
</div><div>Plan B would probably include either:</div><div><span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>-Eloping</div><div><span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>-Getting married on a cruise ship</div><div><span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>-Having a VERY SMALL DW</div><div>
</div><div>So, we'll see. I haven't spoken to my mother in over 2 weeks because of all of this. I'm still way too raw.</div>
I agree, saving is always good. You will NEVER regret saving! Especially now when you don't have a lot of bills. I saved for 2 years after college when living with my parents. Once I got an apartment, it got hard. Now, I am SO GLAD I did save, otherwise I would not be buying a house!
my 2012 shelf:
Shoes,
That really super sucks.
Even with all the outside crap, at the end of the day, you still get to be married to a man who is madly in love with you. That, my dear, is really super sweet.
[QUOTE]Then part of me feels like if things don't progress to a wedding between Boyfriend and I then I can always use that money for something else, like for my kids for college or a house of my own.
Posted by jdrose5[/QUOTE]
This is a perfectly logical thought process. You SHOULD save. It doesn't have to be "wedding money" but it can be "large purchase money" or "rainy day money" or hell, even "pretty pink princess pony" money.
Just save up in case there is some sort of big thing a few years down the road that you need/want money for.
I haz a planning bio
And I'm glad the conversation went well - see? He has a plan, it's just not on a calendar-based timeline, it's on a house-based timeline. And so now you know his viewpoint. Isn't this better than guessing?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it crazy to save at this point? Sorry long... : This. And also, I've recently learned from personal experience...NEVER count on money that isn't in your bank account, even if it was promised to you.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
BOTH Of these...
We did have one other conversation and we both agree that we won't go into debt for our wedding. Also my dad is coming in town for a surprise visit tommorow night. He is meeting my boyfriend for the first time. I know my dad and the subject of if we get married comes up I am NOT to elope, or have too small a wedding etc will come up. (It has come up every visit he has made since about 3 months after my late husband passed away, even when I wasn't seeing anyone. Heck he gave me grief about the subject when I was married.) So I might just test the waters and mention that while there are no plans for us to marry at this time, we both agreed that if we do marry that one factor in what type of wedding we have will be the budget. I figure this might be a chance for him to answer if he will help with the budget and if not then he will not be surprised if we have a wedding that he does not deem acceptable.
Save your money in a pretty princess pony fund, and leave the budget discussions for when you're engaged. If he brings up a wedding (which is inappropriate and you should tell him to slow HIS roll), you can answer that you both would LIKE to have a wedding, if or when your relationship gets to that point, and you will have the wedding you can afford.
If he says he plans to help, thank him, but do NOT count on one red cent until the time comes and he actually GIVES it to you.
I just can't imagine anyone fussing about someone eloping this long after the fact. That sucks.
Every wedding since mine (17 years ago) my grandmother has commented how I hurt her feelings not having a wedding where my entire family could come... you know Aunt, cousins etc. How my dad would have paid but at 18 I wanted to prove I was self sufficent and didn't want dad to pay. Now days my theory is I want another ultra small wedding. However now I am mature enough to allow my family what they want if I can afford it and if that means asking for help I will cross that bridge and if they can't or opt not to no hurt feelings I will have the wedding I can afford.