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Military Brides
cbwilson87
member
Got married, now we're planning the wedding
Hi ladies,
I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with military couples that make it legal well before they have an actual wedding. My husband and I did just that back in December. We had a very small ceremony with just his parents and mine plus my siblings at a small Italian restaurant (a family favorite) back home. We dressed up, but not in the usual garb. He wore a suit and I bought an inexpensive but very cute fuschia dress for the occasion. We knew that we were going to plan a bigger wedding sometime later on down the road, so we wanted to save the fancy stuff for then. My family and friends know that we're married, so it won't be new news to anyone on our big wedding day.
And that's where I come across my biggest concern: how do I word my invitations and other such announcements for our unique circumstance??? Do I say "come and see our REAL wedding"? That's tacky, in my opinion, but if any of you have had to deal with that, I would appreciate suggestions on how to word it. We're planning our wedding for where we just PCS'd to in Florida since it would be the most convenient for us (that is if we don't PCS again before the wedding!!). I've been struggling with the fact that we're already married and yet we haven't been able to have the wedding we've always wanted. We're gonna get there, but I'd like to do it with some class, ya know
Thank you, ladies!
I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with military couples that make it legal well before they have an actual wedding. My husband and I did just that back in December. We had a very small ceremony with just his parents and mine plus my siblings at a small Italian restaurant (a family favorite) back home. We dressed up, but not in the usual garb. He wore a suit and I bought an inexpensive but very cute fuschia dress for the occasion. We knew that we were going to plan a bigger wedding sometime later on down the road, so we wanted to save the fancy stuff for then. My family and friends know that we're married, so it won't be new news to anyone on our big wedding day.
And that's where I come across my biggest concern: how do I word my invitations and other such announcements for our unique circumstance??? Do I say "come and see our REAL wedding"? That's tacky, in my opinion, but if any of you have had to deal with that, I would appreciate suggestions on how to word it. We're planning our wedding for where we just PCS'd to in Florida since it would be the most convenient for us (that is if we don't PCS again before the wedding!!). I've been struggling with the fact that we're already married and yet we haven't been able to have the wedding we've always wanted. We're gonna get there, but I'd like to do it with some class, ya know
Thank you, ladies!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Got married, now we're planning the wedding
[QUOTE]Hi ladies, I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with military couples that make it legal well before they have an actual wedding. My husband and I did just that back in December. We had a very small ceremony with just his parents and mine plus my siblings at a small Italian restaurant (a family favorite) back home. We dressed up, but not in the usual garb. He wore a suit and I bought an inexpensive but very cute fuschia dress for the occasion. We knew that we were going to plan a bigger wedding sometime later on down the road, so we wanted to save the fancy stuff for then. My family and friends know that we're married, so it won't be new news to anyone on our big wedding day. And that's where I come across my biggest concern: how do I word my invitations and other such announcements for our unique circumstance???<strong> Do I say "come and see our REAL wedding"?</strong> That's tacky, in my opinion, but if any of you have had to deal with that, I would appreciate suggestions on how to word it. We're planning our wedding for where we just PCS'd to in Florida since it would be the most convenient for us (that is if we don't PCS again before the wedding!!). I've been struggling with the fact that we're already married and yet we haven't been able to have the wedding we've always wanted. We're gonna get there, but I'd like to do it with some class, ya know ;) Thank you, ladies!
Posted by cbwilson87[/QUOTE]
Are you for real? The bolded part is super offensive. Your legal ceremony was in fact your wedding, when you exchanged vows with your husband and started your journey as husband and wife and started to collect benefits from the government/military. If I got your tacky invite I would throw it away. What you are planning now is a Vow Renewal.
I am going to be really blunt and honest and say straight up, I don't feel bad that you didn't get to have the wedding you always wanted the first time. That was your decision, no one forced you to elope. end.of.story.
Please also read our FAQ sticky at the top.
kthxbye
Planning Bio ll Married Bio ll My Blog
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[QUOTE]That's exactly what my husband and I did (only the legal part was in Dec 2009). We're having a big wedding with family / friends next July, and I'm facing the same predicament. I'm either going to use my maiden name and word it normally (which feels weird, as I haven't gone by that in almost 2 years now), or _ and _ request the honor of your presence as they renew their vows, or _ and _ request the honor of your presence as they celebrate their marriage... something like that. I haven't worked out the kinks, I'm still collecting addresses for the save the dates. I hope that helps (I know my ideas are still kind of vague)
Posted by Fee437[/QUOTE]
Please join Sally and Bob Smith as they renew their vows on 12 Oct 2012
You aren't having a wedding. You are already married. You are having a vow renewal. To use your maiden name would be odd and incorrect, epsecially if people already know you've been married for a bit. If people don't know you are already married, the military sees that as fraud. The service member in your relationship could be punished under UCMJ.
[QUOTE]Ok. So we did the same thing... HOWEVER, we are both Catholic, so in the eyes of the Catholic church, we are NOT married. (We had a minister of another domination marry us) Nor did we tell ANYONE what we were doing. Only our parents, and the best man, maid of honor know/and were there when we exchanged vows. So as far as everyone else is concerned, this is our WEDDING. And we are not planning to word it as "vowel renewals" It's your wedding, you do what you want. It's your call. And honestly, whoever is close to you and understands the Army will understand exactly what you are going through... Hope this helps.
Posted by jmpiccione11[/QUOTE]
If someone wants their marriage blessed by a certain church, that could be called a religious wedding. Otherwise, it's a vow renewal ("vowel" means a, e, I, o, u. "vow" means an oath). Either is fine, but lying about it is not. You are right - people will understand and still want to celebrate with you if you're upfront with them and say, "Due to the complications of his military commitment, we got legally married but we want to get married in the church, so we are having another ceremony and reception and hope you can join us.". If you pretend you are not married, you should not be accepting spousal benefits from the military in any form - relocation assistance, Tricare, Dependent BAH, etc). Accepting benefits while you are not publicly presenting yourselves as married is fraud and a big no-no. It's really offensive to refer to a second ceremony as a "real wedding" since it implies that women who chose a JOP ceremony somehow didn't have a "real wedding". Can you see how that might ruffle some feathers? Even calling it a "traditional wedding" is a lot less offensive, though arguably incorrect since a traditional wedding involves getting actually married rather than reenacting it. Who has the link for the Miss Manners article on how it is a sad state of affairs that "real wedding" has come to imply over the top and fake rather than actually becoming married???
[QUOTE]Cal- thank you for quoting. By th time I tried, it was DD
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
I'm typing on my iPad, which takes forever, so by the time I finished writing and posted, it was gone! I was so confused at first! I thought TK was doing that weird Twilight Zone thing where it drops posts in unrelated threads.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Got married, now we're planning the wedding : I'm typing on my iPad, which takes forever, so by the time I finished writing and posted, it was gone! I was so confused at first! I thought TK was doing that weird Twilight Zone thing where it drops posts in unrelated threads.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Not twilight zone. I pressed quote and it said it was no longer there.
[QUOTE]Oh stop. Seriously. That's silly. I know better than to argue with you.
Posted by jmpiccione11[/QUOTE]
.? I'm confused at what and who you're referring to.
[QUOTE]I question how SM can be okay with lying when honor is a core value of at least 2 branches (that im aware of). Lying seriously violates honor. Then again, my house on base did get broken in to this weekend and that's not honorable either
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]
Not only does it go against honor, let's also consider integrity, loyalty, duty, respect and personal courage.
To the poster who likes to DD, being legally married while presenting your selves as anything other than a married couple is considered fraud by the military and is a violation of the UCMJ.
I totally LLOOVVEE when newbs come on to the board and completely misrepresent themselves, and then get upset when they get caught in their lies and dd and start slinging mud... Way to keep it classy!! Best of luck with your "Vowel" Renewal!
ETA: I'm totally confused. She said she was Catholic right in her post right? in her bio it says Catholic/Christian and Jewish... I'm totally not being snarky at all, but if you JOP, and then go back and have a religious ceremony, do you have 2? do you have a Jewish and a Catholic religious ceremony? Forgive me for being slightly sheltered and naive, but I grew up Catholic, but had quite a few Jewish friends and these 2 religions don't seem to go together very well. It seems to me like you'd at some point have to pick one.. Can someone explain this to me? Probably not jmpiccione11 because she doesn't know the difference between a "Vow" and a "Vowel", but anyone else? I was told that in the Catholic Church, they will bless your marriage, but if you've already "consummated" your marriage with sex and living together as man and wife, they won't perform a religious ceremony (this is what our priest told us when my family and I talked to him about having a VR since we were not married in a church or by a minister.. My parents wanted us to have a religious ceremony/VR so we looked in to it and like I said, this is what I was told by our priest) It doesn't matter to me because in HS I started going to the Baptist church, but I'm curious/confused/genuinely interested..
I also suggest lurking on here and reading the FAQ sticky! I don't post a whole lot mostly because most of my questions have already been asked and answered in previous posts!
good luck with your planning
[QUOTE]In Response to Got married, now we're planning the wedding : Are you for real? The bolded part is super offensive. Your legal ceremony was in fact your wedding, when you exchanged vows with your husband and started your journey as husband and wife and started to collect benefits from the government/military. If I got your tacky invite I would throw it away. What you are planning now is a Vow Renewal. I am going to be really blunt and honest and say straight up, I don't feel bad that you didn't get to have the wedding you always wanted the first time. That was your decision, no one forced you to elope. end.of.story. Please also read our FAQ sticky at the top. kthxbye
Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]
<div>I wish I can do the "thumbs up" like we can on TN! You took words right out my mouth Shan. </div><div>
</div><div>And Stan, I LOVE your siggy! Hilarious! </div>
[QUOTE]I'm Middle Eastern and my husband is in the US Army. We're already married. So how should we word our invatations???? Just curious.... Y'all would help soooo much! Muah!
Posted by sallysmith&&&[/QUOTE]
<div>What Sammy suggested..</div><div>
</div><div>"Please join us as we renew our vows..." or</div><div>
</div><div>"Name and Name request the pleasure of you company as they celebrate their marriage and renew their vows..."</div><div>
</div>