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Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister

When I first started planning my wedding, I decided that I wanted to have my future sister in law, K, to be a bridesmaid. I also picked my fiance's step sister to be in it, my cousin, and my future niece. The niece is not K's daughter, we'll get to that in a sec. And, my BFF to be my MOH.

Anyway, so now I'm not sure if I want K to be a bridesmaid (I know, you're not supposed to tell them never mind, but...) She said herself she might not be able to make it, since she's joining the military and doesn't know if she'll be able to get leave. And knowing her and how flakey she can be, I'm willing to bet that even if she COULD get leave, she wouldn't make the effort to actually do it. Lately she's only talked to me if she needs me to babysit her two boys. That's super annoying because she will call me, pretend to be calling just because, and then as soon as she asks what I'm doing later I don't think "oh, maybe she wants to hang out!" I think "She wants me to babysit. And she's going to come up with a big sob story so I'll do it." And I used to. But now that she's used me and her family so much, not anymore. She IS married, by the way, and he doesn't work hardly at all, but of course she never asks him to watch the kids so she can go to school. Her four year old was going to be the ring bearer, so I would probably need to change that if she can't make it to the wedding. So, asking her to not be a bridesmaid and change who the ring bearer is might save me a lot of trouble later. But, I don't want to strain my relationship with K. And I really do want her to be my bridesmaid, because even though it doesn't happen so much anymore, we really do have a lot of fun when we hang out. What should I do??

On to the second sister: A is the mom of my Jr. bridesmaid, and also my flower girl. I didn't ask her to be in the wedding because at the time she wasn't really on very good terms with the family. I think I had met her once before picking my party, so not including her was kind of a given. The girls have come to visit their nanny a LOT, so I knew them, which is why they were included in the first place. Now, though, she moved to the city that everyone else lives in, and we've actually grown closer. Still not terribly close, but getting there. My question about her is how to include her in the wedding so she doesn't feel left out?? She really would feel left out, because literally EVERYONE else has a job. And, I don't know if I want her to be a bridesmaid because my fiance is already having a hard enough time thinking of enough people to be groomsmen, and I really want the sides to be equal. I'm a bit OCD. I don't want to force him to randomly pick a person he wouldn't have otherwise, but I don't know where else to put his sister. 

Sorry this was so long! Thanks :)

Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister

  • When I first asked people to be my bridesmaids, we were going to be married at the beginning of next year, so it WAS six months out. (that's why my username says 2013 not 2014.)

    Secondly, it's not that she's not making a fuss about me. She's trying to take advantage of me, and I really don't appreciate that. I didn't say she wasn't bowing down to me, just that she only calls when she needs something. Is it really too much to ask for people to just talk? I'm not 'firing her on a whim.' The whole reason I even thought about asking her to step down was because of the military thing. Notice that I said she's the one who first brought up not being able to make it to the wedding. The fact that she's stopped being a friend to me is secondary. 

    And, I want even sides because that's what my groom and I want. End of story. Thanks, have a nice day. 
  • In Response to Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister:
    [QUOTE]And, I want even sides because that's what my groom and I want. End of story. Thanks, have a nice day. 
    Posted by katerobert2013[/QUOTE]

    I'm curious why this is so important to you and your FI? 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • So numbers are more important to you than the feelings of others?

    Also, you are allowed to say "NO" when somebody asks you to do something you don't want to do. "NO" is not a four-letter word. If you let her walk all over you, you only have yourself to blame.

  • The second sister, A, won't be left out as she has a job: she will be watching out for her little daughter, your FG. Of course, you could always ask her to read at the ceremony.
  • Holy crap, I'll never post on this site again. Apparently eveyone decideds to be rude on here. Thanks so much for being so helpful, or not actually. 
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister:
    [QUOTE]Holy crap, I'll never post on this site again. Apparently eveyone decideds to be honest on here. Thanks so much for being so helpful, or not actually. 
    Posted by katerobert2013[/QUOTE]
    FTFY.



  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister:
    [QUOTE]When I first asked people to be my bridesmaids, we were going to be married at the beginning of next year, so it WAS six months out. (that's why my username says 2013 not 2014.) Secondly, it's not that she's not making a fuss about me. She's trying to take advantage of me, and I really don't appreciate that. I didn't say she wasn't bowing down to me, just that she only calls when she needs something. Is it really too much to ask for people to just talk? I'm not 'firing her on a whim.' The whole reason I even thought about asking her to step down was because of the military thing. Notice that I said she's the one who first brought up not being able to make it to the wedding. The fact that she's stopped being a friend to me is secondary.  And, I want even sides because that's what my groom and I want. End of story. Thanks, have a nice day. 
    Posted by katerobert2013[/QUOTE]

    Sorry to break this to you OP, but you were rude first.  See the highlighted parts above.  You must have put your sassy pants on this morning.

    As to your problem.  I think it looks worse that you want to kick a BM out for going into the miliatary!  She is going to serve our country, so you kick her out of the WP because she can't fulfill your PPD OCD of even sides.  Leave her in the BP, mention her in the program, have your minister mention that she can't be at the wedding today due to her military training.  It will be far worse for your family relations to kick her out.

    And if all she ever calls you for is to ask for a favor.  Then stop answering the phone or tell her no!
  • edited October 2012
    In Response to Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister : Sorry to break this to you OP, but you were rude first.  See the highlighted parts above.  You must have put your sassy pants on this morning. As to your problem.  I think it looks worse that you want to kick a BM out for going into the miliatary!  She is going to serve our country, so you kick her out of the WP because she can't fulfill your PPD OCD of even sides.  Leave her in the BP, mention her in the program, have your minister mention that she can't be at the wedding today due to her military training.  It will be far worse for your family relations to kick her out. And if all she ever calls you for is to ask for a favor.  Then stop answering the phone or tell her no!
    Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

    A few questions:
    How was that me being rude first? The only rude thing I see in there was about the even sides thing. Maybe that was a little much. Sorry. I was frankly a little shocked at how venimous RetreadBride was being. (And I know you're going to attack me for this too. Don't you have anything better to do with your life? I've been looking at other posts, and without fail you have commented on every single one that I've read. Get a new hobby.)

    Why couldn't you have given me the suggestion of putting her in the program and mentioning her and why she couldn't be there without attacking me? It's actually a really good idea, and I think I'll do that if she can't make it. I really don't want to kick anyone out of my WP, but I didn't see any other option. Which is why I posted in the first place. Thank you for your idea. 

    None of you know me. You don't know her. You don't know anything but what I gave you all in the first place. And from your comments, it looks like you didn't even read most of that. I DID say, BTW, that K is the one who first brought up taking her out of the WP because she didn't want me to worry about who was going to be there day-of. 

    Like I said, since OliveOilsMom actually gave me an idea I can work with for this situation, I'm going to use it should she not be able to make it. 
  • In Response to Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister:
    [QUOTE]The second sister, A, won't be left out as she has a job: she will be watching out for her little daughter, your FG. Of course, you could always ask her to read at the ceremony.
    Posted by va4ryans[/QUOTE]

    THANK YOU for actually giving me something to work with. I really appreciate the fact that you didn't attack me. :)
  • Hey, you don't know her! And she feels sorry for all our husbads too!

  • In Response to Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babysitter-hunter sister + Rebuild-bridges sister : I'm curious why this is so important to you and your FI? 
    Posted by Benny618[/QUOTE]

    My FI is on this kick right now too...As things stand now, I have 6 bridesmaids and he has 4 groomsmen. I keep telling him uneven is fine, we'll arrange the procession as necessary, NBD. I tell him everything we spew here, that people are more important than numbers etc. Despite my reassurances he keeps telling me he's trying to think of who else he can ask (please don't go off on how someone might feel B listed). At this point, I don't think he'll come up with anyone else that means enough to him this close to the wedding, but that's fine with me. I will continue to reassure him as long as it takes. I think for him it stems from the fact that 2 of his 4 are military (one out near Barstow, CA and the other in Germany/Afghanistan) and we won't know til like the week before if they'll be present and he could end up with 2 to my 6 ( i don't care either way).  Maybe he's got a little OCD too, whatever. I think we all have a few things that bring out an OCD quality in us (without diagnosis or meds)....I'm weird about the numbers on the volume level of my TV/radio....we all have our quirks.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Since your FI is having trouble coming up with groomsmen and you are so set on even numbers, perhaps your FSIL could stand on her brother's side?
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