RD Question

LOMLBOAT · April 2012

So my MOH asked me if only WP was invited to the Rehearsal and the dinner afterwards and I told her yes. But I think she was wondering if she could bring a date. She isn't actual dating the guy she is bringing to the wedding, she's just been on 2 dates with him, but doesn't want to go to the wedding alone. I've met the guy once but only for a few minutes. Here's my dilemma - do I give her a date or no?

Best man is FI's brother and lives with his gf so she's invited.
2 groomsmen are both brothers and their wives are invited
last groomsmen is invited with his wife since she's a BM
my brother's wife is a BM as well and my last BM is married and her husband is invited.

I don't want to be rude by not having her invite a date, but honestly this is pretty much all family and only 3 people invited to the Rehearsal aren't involved but are married or serious.

I know it's not a big deal, but the room is pretty small and every person counts, so if we give her a date, it throws off all the tables. It's a minor thing and I really don't want to be rude to my MOH, but they are not dating and I really don't need to feed/entertain another person there.

Do I suck it up and let her invite him or just not bring it up again and hope she's not upset that S/Os are there?

leahstinson · April 2012

My philopshy in wedding planning has become to just please the person (within reason of course). I would just let her bring her guy friend instead of possibly dealing with a p*issed off BM

caitlinc09 · April 2012

I think that because everyone else has a SO they will have there it's fair to let her have a date. If you have more single people who will be there I wouldn't let her, but it sounds like she is the only one so I don't think it will hurt to let her bring a date.

kitkatbubblicious · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_rd-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:8c087cd3-eadb-452b-851d-56ec88d2b43bPost:9669ed99-f70f-4e3b-ab8a-b37438e6116d">Re: RD Question</a>:
[QUOTE]My philopshy in wedding planning has become to just please the person (within reason of course). I would just let her bring her guy friend instead of possibly dealing with a p*issed off BM
Posted by leahstinson[/QUOTE]

<div>This, exactly! Besides, the RD doesn't have to have <em>only </em>the BP; some brides invite everyone on the wedding guest list and have a mini-wedding! Not saying that's what you should do, but still. I mean, unless you don't like the guy, I say let her bring him.</div>

cpm1223 · April 2012

Thats a tough one, since she already asked you and you said it was just WP, even though its going to be WP and their husbands/bfs/gfs. So I can see how she might be upset if she went to dinner and everyone else's SO was there.

My BMs are also bringing non-significant others to the wedding since they are single but wanted to bring someone (which is fine with me) But they said to me that they didn't expect them to be invited to the rehearsal dinner because they aren't dating/married to these people and they just didn't want to go to the wedding alone.

To me, the rehearsal dinner is for those who are actually rehearsing for the wedding and their significant others, but it's not really a time for anyone to be bringing a guest. I say, if she asks you again then tell her that people's SO will be there but since she wasn't dating anyone you didn't think she'd want them to come since its such an intimate dinner.

ronik77 · April 2012

It's a tough call.... our WP is a mix of family and friends and 2 of my BM's live with their BF's but didn't want to bring them to RD. Which is fine, I knw they would be bored! LOL One of our GM's wanted to bring his fiance which is fine because she's also one of our friends and they're gettiing married a month after we are.

I can understand her wanting to bring someone and not feel like a 3rd wheel. But, I personaly probably would have brought someone that is maybe a mutual friend and you all know instead of a stranger that will probably feel uncomfortable. I understand you wanting people that are important to you there.

LOMLBOAT · April 2012

Yeah, I feel bad about not giving her a date, but if she's not serious with the guy, I'm not going to be paying so she can have someone, but I do feel bad that everyone else is a couple, but everyone else is either married or family so they should be there.

I think I'll just reach out to her again and let her know that it's WP only, with S/Os and tell her if she wants to bring the guy she can, but she can't just bring a friend so she's not alone. Hopefully she'll say no lol. Costs just keep rising these last couple weeks!!

toothpastechica · April 2012

If she knows everyone at the dinner well, I would probably be inclined to say no, its really for the people who are in the wedding and unless her date wants to come sit through a rehersal as well theres really no reason for him to be there. However if she doesnt know the rest of the wedding party well, I would probably let her so she doesnt feel awkward.

bpphoto785 · April 2012

I would normall agree that you should tell her it's just WP and S/O, BUT it sounds like everyone has a date and it can be really awkward to be the only single girl, so I think that if you can accommodate her date it would be nice.

leopardgurl831 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_rd-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:8c087cd3-eadb-452b-851d-56ec88d2b43bPost:1a9e97ce-fabf-4eb7-a125-dc7b9e647720">Re: RD Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I would normall agree that you should tell her it's just WP and S/O, BUT it sounds like everyone has a date and it can be really awkward to be the only single girl, so I think that if you can accommodate her date it would be nice.
Posted by bpphoto785[/QUOTE]

I agree

mandydc0509 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_rd-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:8c087cd3-eadb-452b-851d-56ec88d2b43bPost:1a9e97ce-fabf-4eb7-a125-dc7b9e647720">Re: RD Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I would normall agree that you should tell her it's just WP and S/O, BUT it sounds like everyone has a date and it can be really awkward to be the only single girl, so I think that if you can accommodate her date it would be nice.
Posted by bpphoto785[/QUOTE]

I agree. We actually agreed to invite the GMs families bc so many of them are out of state/town, and we didn't like the idea of their wives and children being left alone at a hotel in a city they know nothing about. Since we allowed the GM to do that, it was only fair to let my WP bring their SOs and to let my hostess bring someone along. Yes, that means we may be having a 54 people shingdig after rehearsal (lol), but we budgeted for it bc we want ppl to have a good time and feel comfortable.

I don't see the harm in adding one more person on your list if it makes your friend happy. Also, I'd be weary of judging how "serious" ppl are; my FI and I got engaged after only 9 months.

toothpastechica · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_rd-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:8c087cd3-eadb-452b-851d-56ec88d2b43bPost:269b1078-953e-4312-a4db-9e6181b96970">Re: RD Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RD Question : I agree. We actually agreed to invite the GMs families bc so many of them are out of state/town, and we didn't like the idea of their wives and children being left alone at a hotel in a city they know nothing about. Since we allowed the GM to do that, it was only fair to let my WP bring their SOs and to let my hostess bring someone along. Yes, that means we may be having a 54 people shingdig after rehearsal (lol), but we budgeted for it bc we want ppl to have a good time and feel comfortable. I don't see the harm in adding one more person on your list if it makes your friend happy. Also<strong>, I'd be weary of judging how "serious" ppl are; my FI and I got engaged after only 9 months</strong>.
Posted by mandydc0509[/QUOTE]

We got engaged after 4 months of dating and 8 months of knowing eachother. Pretty crazy but it does happen and when you know its the right person (after having been in a series of wrong person relationships) you just know after a shorter period of time. (we did have a longer engagment because I was worried I was jumping too fast but a year and a half later its still the best decision of my life.)

Melissa51212 · April 2012

I would let her since she bringing him to the wedding...it actually might be a good time to meet him and he get to know a few people before the wedding. Our is oot so we invited whoever they are bringing to the wedding!

LOMLBOAT · April 2012

So I talked to my MOH and she doesn't want to invite the guy she's bringing to the wedding because she doesn't want to be to 'clingy/needy' but she asked if she could bring someone else instead. Normally I wouldn't really care and the more the merrier, etc, but it's just annoying I guess to have to accomodate her and have her bring a friend. I totally get where she's coming from (and everyone else that's posted) and the simple thing is to let her bring another person. I think right now I'm just on edge with everyone thinking they can just bring a date to feel more comfortable or because they think they are entitled. We've had people write in on RSVPs to bring dates because they are single and we just let it slide but now it just feels like I am letting everyone bring anyone to every event.

Now that I've vented, I am just going to tell her she can invite someone, but it's just getting old now having to add to the guest list each time someone is going to feel lonely or left out because they don't have a S/O. I get it, but it's not my problem that you are not currently in a relationship on the day I get married.

Ok - seriously now, end rant.

cpm1223 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_rd-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:8c087cd3-eadb-452b-851d-56ec88d2b43bPost:32a72920-ab1d-48f6-9933-e0c4fb6eb02e">RD Question - UPDATE</a>:
[QUOTE]So I talked to my MOH and she doesn't want to invite the guy she's bringing to the wedding because she doesn't want to be to 'clingy/needy' but she asked if she could bring someone else instead. Normally I wouldn't really care and the more the merrier, etc, but it's just annoying I guess to have to accomodate her and have her bring a friend. I totally get where she's coming from (and everyone else that's posted) and the simple thing is to let her bring another person. I think right now I'm just on edge with everyone thinking they can just bring a date to feel more comfortable or because they think they are entitled. We've had people write in on RSVPs to bring dates because they are single and we just let it slide but now it just feels like I am letting everyone bring anyone to every event. Now that I've vented, I am just going to tell her she can invite someone, but it's just getting old now having to add to the guest list each time someone is going to feel lonely or left out because they don't have a S/O. I get it, but it's not my problem that you are not currently in a relationship on the day I get married. Ok - seriously now, end rant.
Posted by LOMLBOAT[/QUOTE]

Is she at least going to bring a friend who is also invited to the wedding? If not, that might be a way that you can get out of letting her bring somone.

Simply tell her that since this person is not invited to the wedding it would be very rude to invite them to the rehearsal and dinner and you don't want to hurt their feelings inviting them to a pre-wedding event when they're not invited to the wedding.

mandi921vh · April 2012

What if you just said the RD is only for WP and their S/O... would she then say "well he is my BF"? If she does then it seems their new "thing" is getting serious but if she says "okay I understand" then he is just a date and doesn't need to be invited.

LuckyHeather · April 2012

I would let her bring the guy so she isn't alone while everyone else has a date, however I have room and $ to do so. If your budget doesn’t allow it, don’t. If it does, do. She will be happier, and so will you.

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