OK, so this is my situation/rant. I've debated a while on whether or not to post this, but here it goes:
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Cliff notes version: My dad is still angry at my mom after a nasty divorce and almost disowned me when I went on vacation with her after college (since she paid for it with his alimony money). Now he is about to disown me for living with my fiance (we moved to Pgh together for jobs) and doesn't know whether he will walk me down the aisle.
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Long version: My parents divorced when I was 12. It was a nasty, brutal divorce that went to the state supreme court. My mom has a lot of mental health issues and basically lost it after the divorce (eg- lots of hallucenations, etc). Long story short, I lived with my dad through middle school and high school. My dad remarried right after the divorce, and just about everyone believes that he was cheating on my mom with her when they stilled married.
When I was in college, my mom took me to Europe for my graduation present. My mom doesn't have a job so everything she has is basically from my father that he was forced by the court to give her. When my dad found out I was going, he threatened to disown me and didn't speak to me for months. He saw me going as stealing from him since it's my moms alimony. I still went, as I realized I would never have the chance to do something like that with my mom again, and by then my mom had already paid for it. Not going would have simply crushed her. My stepmom was able to patch things up with my dad months later, but my father is still very bitter about it.
I should state that I grew up in a VERY southern baptist environment. The entire town I grew up in was southern baptist, and the mentality is that if you aren't southern baptist, then you aren't christian. Period. When I went away to college, I went through various stages in my faith, but I eventually moved away from a lot of the teachings that my dad and stepfamily hold. I started dating my fiance, who was raised catholic, despite the protests of some close friends who are southern baptist. Last summer, I lost my job in KY and knew that I would have to look outside the state to find another one. My fiance had been looking for other jobs as well, but he also knew he would have to leave the state to find what he wanted and didn't want to leave me yet. When I lost my job, we decided that would just focus our searches to a few cities, and move together. Well, we both found jobs here in Pittsburgh at the same time.
When my stepmom guessed we would live together, she called me a whore, told me that my dad couldn't even look at me, and would never speak to me again if I moved in with my fiance (we weren't engaged at the time). She said he had never forgiven me to going on vacation with my mom, and that this was basically strike 2. I was crushed, but I expected it to be honest. My fiance and I both own condos in KY, so we couldn't afford to live separately in Pgh. It just wasn't an option. Plus, we knew we would be married, and we wanted to live together.
We got engaged in November, and dad congratulated us, but now he only answers his phone on holidays and birthdays. We were told that my fiance is not allowed at their house in Ky until 'our sinful life' ceases.We went to Thanksgiving dinner at my stepgrandmother's house, but my stepmom would not even look at me, and dad although polite, had been ignoring my phone calls for weeks. At Christmas I shipped a bunch of gifts down to them. Christmas day I spent at my mothers (she lives in Maryland now) and dad did answer the phone, but told me he didn't know if he would walk me down the aisle. He certainily won't pay for the wedding. The only gift we got was a gift basket (not sent until the end of January). Although nice, it had no card or anything, and it's something he would give one of his brothers (who he hates and has cut out of his life as well).
My family, both my mom's side and dad's whole side, are furious. Most people hate him and my stepmom. My friends are afraid that they will get drunk and will yell at him (or punch) at our wedding.
My stepsister is getting married in a few weeks, and I had to go to her bridal shower this weekend. At the shower, my stepmom again didn't even look at me. A few hours later I went the bridal store to get fitted for my bridesmaids dress, which funnily enough my stepmom said she would pay for months ago (even though I was living with the fiance by that point). When I walked out of the dressing room my stepmom and stepsis were both there. My stepmom talked to me like normal, like everything was fine. After the fitting I went out to dinner with all of them. It was the strangest thing ever. My stepsis and stepbro think that they will get over it, and that dad will walk me down the aisle eventually. One of my dad's brother's agree.
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Here is my problem- even if dad agrees to walk me down the aisle, he has hurt me, and by extention my family and fiance beyond repair. I want my dad to walk me down the aisle, but I also think the person walking me down should love me and care about what happens in my life. I'm not sure what I should do if he does say he wants to walk me down.
Ok, really, really long post. More than anything this was just a vent that I needed to do. I've been dealing with this for months and just needed to let it out a little.