African American Weddings

I don't like...(kinda long,need advice)

One of my close friends' BF. She is one of my BMs and was my BFF all through high school and undergrad and we were really close and lived together, inseparable, the whole 9. Well in undergrad she started dating this guy that was just no good for her, like had her paying for his child's clothes and child support (w/her student loans!!!) , paying his bills, etc. I tried to like him but just when I made the effort he popped up with a child conceived while he and my friend were together. She stayed with him and even moved him  in and takes care of the kids to boot, also 7.5 years later he's still stalling on proposing even though she's doing all that. He told her she didn't really want to be married yet. WHat?!! I told her I support her as my friend but I dont speak to him AT ALL.

The dilemma, she is one of my BMs and I am inviting her parents and her brother and his wife . I'm only extending plus ones to my friends who are married or engaged .I don't plan to invite him because I really can't stand him! Am I wrong for that? ( I kinda feel like I am ) He is also our fraternity brother and all of our brothers have asked if Im inviting him because everyone talks about my friend and the situation and knows that I dont care for him. What would you do?
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Re: I don't like...(kinda long,need advice)

  • msapril0730msapril0730 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Girl I'm in the same situation! I have a strong dislike for my BFF's BF! He has cheated on her and some more but she stayed with him. He's always asking her for money, and clothes. He even asked her to finance a car for him! When she started talking about marrying him I instantly got an attitude and turned my face up at the thought of my BFF of 16 years marrying this garbage! Sorry small vent!

    I told her she couldn't bring him because I didn't want to even look at him on my wedding day. After talking to my granny she said its not fair if I allow other BP members a plus one and not her. So through clinched teeth I told her she could bring him.

    I think you should invite him because in their eyes they are in a serious relationship, even if they aren't engaged or married. If she wasn't your close friend and in your BP I would say no.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think you should invite him. It's not worth putting a strain on your friendship over the mate she picked. They're in a serious relationship whether you like it or not, so it would be kind of rude to not invite him even if you don't care for him.
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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    I knew you guys would say that! Msapril you feel my disgust, its just hard to look at!

    @missrek - you are certainly right

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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with both ladies. Now if he was a drunk or known to act a fool then you have  the right to decline inviting him.


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  • edited December 2011
    Oh boy...I'm in the same boat as well! I dislike one of my BM's bf too. Her & I have been good friends for 18 years and I have disliked him for about 10 years now. He has (is still) cheated on her, very immature, and a bad temper. He knows I don't like him cause he's very quiet and uncomfortable when I'm around. Sorry for my mini-vent too...lol.

    I'm still inviting him cause they've been together for about 10 yrs now & are still together (as of today..lol). He usually doesn't come to things I invite him to because I'll be there...so maybe he won't show up to our wedding. Either way, he'll be her plus 1.

    Sorry...you should invite him. You'll be so into "your day" that you won't pay him any mind.
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  • edited December 2011
    They've been together so long..thats what makes it tough. Can you ask her if he even plans on going? I say..invite him against your better judgement because you don't want the issue to upstage the friendship or the wedding.
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  • edited December 2011
    as bad as he sounds, you have to invite him.  besides he's her choice, not yours.  hopefully she will wise up and leave him alone.  he sounds like a joke. 
  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Knowing him , he will say he's coming or (like he did at her brother's wedding) Show up 2 hours late inappropriately dressed. Like linen shirt and jeans to a black tie event  w/out a shave (ugh!!!) But if her whole family is there he will come. Im sucking it up....

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