Pre-wedding Parties

Wedding Shower Dilema

My wedding is October 11 2013 and my fiancé and I are building a house that will be completed the end of may. We have only lived with our parents so we are in need of everything. I would like to have the wedding shower the beginning of may so I can have the items when my house is finished. I'm worried that guests will think that I'm soliciting for gifts. Also, I have two bridesmaids that live here and I have two that are out of town, I'm not sure who would host the shower? The bridesmaids that live here haven't said anything or volunteered. Thanks!

Re: Wedding Shower Dilema

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wedding-shower-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:06fc73a5-50bb-452c-af2c-86ece601c231Post:b486ad41-2e85-484b-a5b0-31199c62838b">Wedding Shower Dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wedding is October 11 2013 and my fiancé and I are building a house that will be completed the end of may. We have only lived with our parents so we are in need of everything. I would like to have the wedding shower the beginning of may so I can have the items when my house is finished. I'm worried that guests will think that I'm soliciting for gifts. Also, I have two bridesmaids that live here and I have two that are out of town, I'm not sure who would host the shower? The bridesmaids that live here haven't said anything or volunteered. Thanks!
    Posted by lrdemoss123[/QUOTE]

    Anybody but you can host a shower. Your bridesmaids are under no obligation to host. If nobody volunteers, then there won't be a shower.
  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wedding-shower-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:06fc73a5-50bb-452c-af2c-86ece601c231Post:b486ad41-2e85-484b-a5b0-31199c62838b">Wedding Shower Dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wedding is October 11 2013 and my fiancé and I are building a house that will be completed the end of may. We have only lived with our parents so we are in need of everything. I would like to have the wedding shower the beginning of may so I can have the items when my house is finished. <u>I'm worried that guests will think that I'm soliciting for gifts</u>. Also, I have two bridesmaids that live here and I have two that are out of town, I'm not sure who would host the shower? The bridesmaids that live here haven't said anything or volunteered. Thanks!
    Posted by lrdemoss123[/QUOTE]

    <div>This sounds exactly like what you're doing, especially since you're saying that you would like the items for when your house is finished in May.  If nobody offers to throw you a shower, unfortunately that means you won't have one.  May seems very early for a shower for an October wedding, and, even if you did have a shower then, you shouldn't use any wedding related gifts until after the wedding.  So there's that.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wedding-shower-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:06fc73a5-50bb-452c-af2c-86ece601c231Post:0e605fa1-a87e-4ee5-ac05-a6f3ace4b1bd">Re: Wedding Shower Dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Wedding Shower Dilema : This sounds exactly like what you're doing, especially since you're saying that you would like the items for when your house is finished in May.  If nobody offers to throw you a shower, unfortunately that means you won't have one.  May seems very early for a shower for an October wedding, and, even if you did have a shower then, <strong>you shouldn't use any wedding related gifts until after the wedding.</strong>  So there's that.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]
    This.  I never realized this rule before coming onto TK.  But it really makes sense.  What if you cancel the wedding for some reason?  You need to give the gifts back and you can't give back used gifts.
  • well since you two are building a house together, that's no joke so I'm sure you'll be walking down that aisle in October. I do think that May is a bit early and would look like you are soliciting gifts from people, but if they love you and care for you then they know you two are just starting out and need help with a lot of that stuff.

    So even if the shower doesn't happen when you want it to, you can still register for those "fancy" household items you would never buy yourself. My FH and I have lived together for the last 4 years and I didn't think we needed to register, but in reality you have to otherwise you never know what people will give you. Besides, I ended up finding a bunch of stuff to put on my registry that are affordable and things I probably would never buy myself.

    As far as whos hosting? Whos hosting the wedding? Maybe your family or your FH family can help out....I'm pretty much planning my own shower with only my sister's help (MOH) and my future cousins help...the rest of the BMs are MIA.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wedding-shower-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:06fc73a5-50bb-452c-af2c-86ece601c231Post:0e605fa1-a87e-4ee5-ac05-a6f3ace4b1bd">Re: Wedding Shower Dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Wedding Shower Dilema : This sounds exactly like what you're doing, especially since you're saying that you would like the items for when your house is finished in May.  If nobody offers to throw you a shower, unfortunately that means you won't have one.  May seems very early for a shower for an October wedding, and, even if you did have a shower then, you shouldn't use any wedding related gifts until after the wedding.  So there's that.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    Exactly!
     
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wedding-shower-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:06fc73a5-50bb-452c-af2c-86ece601c231Post:6908ad66-2464-4968-ba97-696c254844bd">Re: Wedding Shower Dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]well since you two are building a house together, that's no joke so I'm sure you'll be walking down that aisle in October. I do think that May is a bit early and would look like you are soliciting gifts from people, but if they love you and care for you then they know you two are just starting out and need help with a lot of that stuff. So even if the shower doesn't happen when you want it to, you can still register for those "fancy" household items you would never buy yourself. My FH and I have lived together for the last 4 years and I didn't think we needed to register, but in reality you have to otherwise you never know what people will give you. Besides, I ended up finding a bunch of stuff to put on my registry that are affordable and things I probably would never buy myself. As far as whos hosting? Whos hosting the wedding? Maybe your family or your FH family can help out....I'm pretty much planning my own shower with only my sister's help (MOH) and my future cousins help...the rest of the BMs are MIA.
    Posted by jennd37[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I know I might be way off but I find something very rude about registering for gifts that you would never shell out the $ yourself to buy.  It just doesn't feel right to me.</div><div>
    </div><div>And helping to plan your own wedding shower is BEYOND tacky and rude.  Those are gifts given to you by OTHER people.  Why not just send an invite that says, "I'm throwing a party for myself..bring me presents!"  I decline in a heartbeat.

    </div>
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  • Thank you everyone for the comments!
    I have decided to keep the shower about 6-8 weeks before the wedding.
    Also, my mom is going to handle all the shower hosting and I will just show up and have fun!
    Thanks again!!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wedding-shower-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:06fc73a5-50bb-452c-af2c-86ece601c231Post:cb6efde9-1436-4a6f-b975-87c62842a6aa">Re: Wedding Shower Dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Shower Dilema : I know I might be way off but I find something very rude about registering for gifts that you would never shell out the $ yourself to buy.  It just doesn't feel right to me. And helping to plan your own wedding shower is BEYOND tacky and rude.  Those are gifts given to you by OTHER people.  Why not just send an invite that says, "I'm throwing a party for myself..bring me presents!"  I decline in a heartbeat.
    Posted by Darbie914[/QUOTE]

    If you notice, I wrote "affordable" items...novelty things that I would like, but things you need usually come before things you want.

    As far as my shower....every bride wants a shower, its part of the wedding experience, ANY bride would be upset if no one planned one for her. My sister won't even call the other girls on the phone, so I have to act as middle man. Besides, I don't think there is anything wrong/against ettiquette to express what you want-not demand-especially when no one will take the reigns. Trust me, I wish I could just sit back and enjoy, but if I do there would be nothing to enjoy....
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