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URGENT ETIQUETTE QUESTION - wedding 3 days away!

gardengirl2011gardengirl2011
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in Moms and Maids
I am the MOH in my best girlfriend's wedding just 3 days away.  Instead of registering, she has asked guests to contribute to her honeymoon via honeyfund.com.  It is basically a website where the costs for your honeymoon are broken down into smaller increments and guests buy everything from part of the airfare to a massage or romantic dinner for the couple.  I'm not a big fan of the idea however after talking to a few people, they suggested that I should contribute because that is what SHE wants.  Others have told me that being MOH, I should come up with a more unique individualized gift idea.  What should I do???
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Re: URGENT ETIQUETTE QUESTION - wedding 3 days away!

  • Cynthiajt1Cynthiajt1
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    honeymoon registaries are tacky. She is asking you to give her money to pay for a vacation. Give her something that she needs/could use unless you really want to give her money.

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  • gardengirl2011gardengirl2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I completely agree!  But after talking to people, they suggested that I give her what SHE wants, not what I think is appropriate.  Thanks for your support!
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It's up to you, of course, but those people are wrong.

    The honeyfund is a request for money, which is rude. And it's misleading. The guests think they are buying dinner, massages, airfare etc... for the couple, but the honeyfund actually just mails them a check. And some of those honeymoon funds actually take a percentage of the gift money before they cut a check to the 'honeymooners.'

    Did you know that you do not have to provide a gift for the couple before the wedding? It's perfectly acceptable to send the wedding gift after the wedding.


                       
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  • gardengirl2011gardengirl2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Good to know on all accounts - thank you!
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  • LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I suggest doing half and half, personally. Money registries are stupid, however she will appreciate the gift, and it'd be a nice surprise if you got her a new set of guest towels or something.
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  • morenachica110morenachica110 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_urgent-etiquette-question-wedding-3-days-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fda0dcaf-953d-4910-bd12-292a8d2e9e72Post:290ecc19-7020-4ce0-8c20-39fbc5d864f7">Re: URGENT ETIQUETTE QUESTION - wedding 3 days away!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I suggest doing half and half, personally. Money registries are stupid, however she will appreciate the gift, and it'd be a nice surprise if you got her a new set of guest towels or something.
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto. I don't think its so bad, but if you don't like it too much just put a little towards it and get her something like towels etc.</div>

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  • quiggels219quiggels219
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it is completely fine to just give her a gift you know shell love. Anything for the house she needs? Anything that has a special meaning to you guys? I was just talking about these honeymoon funds the other day with my sil and you're right it is just a check. She contributed to one last year and the couple never ended up taking a honeymoon and are now using that money to help in remodeling their home!
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Just give her cash...you will basically be doing the same thing through a honeymoon registry.

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  • jmconley08jmconley08 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think those things are silly too. I mean many people at your wedding will just give cash/check. That being said, I'd give her whatever she wants. I was the MOH in a wedding and I just gave cash bc thas whats she wanted. I gave her different gifts for the bridal shower though (a homemade cookbook, lingerie, etc).
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  • bstentbstent member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I personally wouldn't give money to a honeymoon registry, but I would give money. When I was MOH for my best friend last summer I gave her a cheque because I knew they needed money. I don't think it was wrong that I gave her money instead of a personal gift, but I don't think it would have been wrong the other way either. Go whichever way you prefer!
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  • afeliz79afeliz79 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't give to a honeymoon registry. I would probably just give cash or a gift card. Or, maybe a gift I think the couple would enjoy.
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  • emb343emb343
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Give to her honeymoon fund. I'm sure if she and her fiance have decided on a honeymoon registry, it's because they feel that they don't need any material objects but would much rather have the joy of taking a vacation together after the stress of the wedding is over. A material gift from you sends the message that, "I think your request for help with the honeymoon is unreasonable, and so I've decided to ignore that and get you something you don't want instead of something you do, because it will make me feel better." If you are really set on not contributing, then get her and her fiance something nice *for* the honeymoon---travel sets, monogrammed leather passport covers, etc, etc. But honor her wishes.
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  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If you're comfortable giving cash, I'd do that rather than contribute to the honeymoon registry.  Don't you want your friend to get ALL the money you give, rather than a company taking a percentage?
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