Concerned about guests RSVPing yes and not showing...

[Deleted User] · November 2012

Ok ladies, I am not sure if this is the right place to ask about this but it is a serious concern of mine so I apologize if it isn't. Hoping that it is here is my issue: We want to invite 150 people to the wedding but I am concerned that people may rsvp yes and then not show up at the reception! How can I protect myself from wasting money on empty seats at the reception? I talked with my catering/hall manager and he said there really isn't much we can do aside from planning on everyone coming verses there not being enough seats and food but I was considering not doing asigned seating except for my for sure people and have the rest of the tables just open, that or just blantly call them shortly before the wedding to confirm they are really going to come and tell them if they don't I will have paid an arm and a leg per person for nothing lol. Any better suggestions?

lyndausvi · November 2012

There really isn't anything you can do. Most people have a few no shows. It's a normal part of planning any party.

We had 6 cancel the week off (after the final numbers went in) and 4 completely no-show.

SKPM · November 2012

Do your guests have a history of replying Yes and then no showing? If not, I wouldn't be too concerned about it. I had a guest that I was worried about, who had no showed to my cousin's wedding a few years prior, so I sent a FB message a few weeks out saying "Looking forward to seeing you soon! How are travel arrangements going?" From this, I learned that she was still planning to attend but her H would not [she had RSVPed for both]. Also, review your catering policy. Most caterers will let you add a few people in the last weeks before the wedding but will never let you decrease your count. ETA: ditto PPs on expecting a few no shows. Even after we tracked everyone down, we had 4 confirmed guests not make it, due to illness, a GM's breakup so his SO didn't come, a firefighter got called out, and someone didn't find a date last minute and never let us know. It happens.

freebread03 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_concerned-about-guests-rsvping-yes-and-not-showing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dccc5617-e7c6-4edc-8070-0913ce001954Post:572a3ace-eaba-4a36-8bc4-875b0ce39502">Concerned about guests RSVPing yes and not showing...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok ladies, I am not sure if this is the right place to ask about this but it is a serious concern of mine so I apologize if it isn't. Hoping that it is here is my issue: We want to invite 150 people to the wedding but I am concerned that people may rsvp yes and then not show up at the reception! How can I protect myself from wasting money on empty seats at the reception? I talked with my catering/hall manager and he said there really isn't much we can do aside from planning on everyone coming verses there not being enough seats and food but I was considering not doing asigned seating except for my for sure people and have the rest of the tables just open, that or j<u>ust blantly call them shortly before the wedding to confirm they are really going to come and tell them if they don't I will have paid an arm and a leg per person for nothing </u>lol. Any better suggestions?
Posted by krystelgotti[/QUOTE]

<div>The above would be, IMO, rude, and if I received a call like this from a bride after my yes RSVP, I'd probably decline. People dont show up-it happens-and there's nothing you can really do about it.</div>

EK2013 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_concerned-about-guests-rsvping-yes-and-not-showing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dccc5617-e7c6-4edc-8070-0913ce001954Post:572a3ace-eaba-4a36-8bc4-875b0ce39502">Concerned about guests RSVPing yes and not showing...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok ladies, I am not sure if this is the right place to ask about this but it is a serious concern of mine so I apologize if it isn't. Hoping that it is here is my issue: We want to invite 150 people to the wedding but I am concerned that people may rsvp yes and then not show up at the reception! How can I protect myself from wasting money on empty seats at the reception? I talked with my catering/hall manager and he said there really isn't much we can do aside from planning on everyone coming verses there not being enough seats and food but I was considering not doing asigned seating except for my for sure people and have the rest of the tables just open, that or just blantly call them shortly before the wedding to confirm they are really going to come and tell them if they don't I will have paid an arm and a leg per person for nothing lol. Any better suggestions?
Posted by krystelgotti[/QUOTE]

<div><strong>Treat all of your guests the same when it comes to accommodations.</strong> If your favorite aunt gets an assigned seat, so does your fiance's coworker's girlfriend.</div><div>
</div><div>No shows are a normal part of weddings, and there is no polite thing to do except eat the cost. Please don't make yourself crazy over this one; this is not a hill for any bride to die on. Either everyone who RSVPs yes will show up, or some won't.</div><div>
</div><div>Make your RSVP date as late as is reasonable for your venue deadlines so people are more likely to know their plans. The only time I've ever RSVPed yes when I didn't know for sure I'd be at a wedding was when the RSVP date was months before the wedding. (I made it.)</div>

gailpete · November 2012

Plan on everyone that RSVPs yes to show up. Will they- probably not- but there isn't anything you can do about it. Life happens. If someone hasn't RSVP'd when your RSVP date has passed call them and ask if they are coming.

Make sure you send the invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding and make the RSVP as close to your deadline for the caterer as possible (leaving yourself some time to contact anyone that hasn't responded).

If you plan on open seating, which I wouldn't recommend, make sure you have seating for 10-15% more people than you are expecting.

Simply Fated · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_concerned-about-guests-rsvping-yes-and-not-showing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dccc5617-e7c6-4edc-8070-0913ce001954Post:572a3ace-eaba-4a36-8bc4-875b0ce39502">Concerned about guests RSVPing yes and not showing...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok ladies, I am not sure if this is the right place to ask about this but it is a serious concern of mine so I apologize if it isn't. Hoping that it is here is my issue: We want to invite 150 people to the wedding but I am concerned that people may rsvp yes and then not show up at the reception! How can I protect myself from wasting money on empty seats at the reception? I talked with my catering/hall manager and he said there really isn't much we can do aside from planning on everyone coming verses there not being enough seats and food but I was considering not doing asigned seating except for my for sure people and have the rest of the tables just open, that or just blantly call them shortly before the wedding to confirm they are really going to come and tell them if they don't I will have paid an arm and a leg per person for nothing lol. Any better suggestions?
Posted by krystelgotti[/QUOTE]
Will your venue wrap up any uneaten dinners? This way at least you're getting some of what you paid for.

I definitely wouldn't call them beforehand because if they were going to pull a no-show, then a phone call isn't going to stop them.

Sometimes people suck and decide "meh, maybe I won't go afterall." Sometimes they have a legit reason, like they got ill or their flight was cancelled. It happens to the best of us. Plan the best you can and if anyone doesn't show up, just hope that they're okay and that it wasn't something serious.

[Deleted User] · November 2012

I would like to first start off by saying thank you ladies for responding to my question! This one has really been bugging me. I know realize my idea of doing the double check close to the date could be considered rude so I am going to scratch out that idea. I never want to be rude or inappropriate I am just a little concerned because my and my hubby to be are the only ones paying for this shindig and we don't exactly have an abundance of money and certainly none to waste. I can't really say if our guests are habitual flakes because this is the first real party we will have ever thrown so that is what makes me even more nervous. I hope that all of our friends know how important and special our big day is to us and don't commit to come and then don't show up. Its costing us about 75 a person all said and done so I am just going to plan for everyone like the catering manager said, and pray to the Lord sweet Jesus for the rsvp yesers to come lol and if they don't at least we get to keep the food! I am sure someone would love to take some steak dinners home yummy!

Simply Fated · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_concerned-about-guests-rsvping-yes-and-not-showing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dccc5617-e7c6-4edc-8070-0913ce001954Post:af543048-042c-4d82-942d-518cc1e3540f">Re:Concerned about guests RSVPing yes and not showing...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like to first start off by saying thank you ladies for responding to my question! This one has really been bugging me. I know realize my idea of doing the double check close to the date could be considered rude so I am going to scratch out that idea.<strong> I never want to be rude or inappropriate</strong> I am just a little concerned because <strong>my and my hubby to be are the only ones paying for this shindi</strong>g and we don't exactly have an abundance of money and certainly none to waste. I can't really say if our guests are habitual flakes because this is the first real party we will have ever thrown so that is what makes me even more nervous. I hope that all of our friends know how important and special our big day is to us and don't commit to come and then don't show up. Its costing us about 75 a person all said and done so I am just going to plan for everyone like the catering manager said, and pray to the Lord sweet Jesus for the rsvp yesers to come lol and <strong>if they don't at least we get to keep the food!</strong> <strong>I am sure someone would love to take some steak dinners home yummy!</strong>
Posted by krystelgotti[/QUOTE]

A few notes on the bolded parts:

1. Then you came to the right place!

2. We would give the same advice no matter who was paying or what the budget was.

3. Definitely keep up the positive attitude! Why let good food go to waste? <3

Loopyseven · November 2012

You got great advice here. I'm glad you are inclined to take it. We had 4 (out of 100) no-shows. One woman was sick but her hubby came, one couple double booked our wedding with a school astrology thing for their (handicapped) son's school, so the H (friend of my H's) came and his wife did the school thing, and the other couple, the wife had been fighting colon cancer and suffered a relapse that put her in the hospital and they ended up not being able to travel to our wedding that weekend. Does it suck that we paid for people that didn't show up - yes. But it happens - sometimes for legit reasons and sometimes for BS (pretty sure the one woman who didn't come wasn't sick, she just didn't think she had anything appropriate to wear - she called me the week before asking about how fancy it was etc etc... Even more annoying because the only reason they were invited in the first place was cause she flat our asked H if they were invited and he said yes cause he didn't know what else to say so then I couldn't NOT invite them - haha). Good luck! I hope everyone comes that RSVP's yes for you

.

NOLAbridealmost · November 2012

We had 70ish guests and 2 were no show's, but 1 person brought a plus one that they didn't tell us about....so it worked out fine.

As far as the seating goes, it's okay to have "open seating" but have 2 or 3 tables reserved for the wedding party and immediate families. We had a table reserved right next to the dance floor for ourselves and our parents. That's how most cocktail/station style receptions are done down here anyway.

yellowdaisies84 · November 2012

Yes I am also concerned about this. My wedding hasn't happened yet but my friends who have had their weddings have all let me know to expect this. It happened to all of them. It is really unfair but they told me to just go into it expecting it to happen. We're having a small wedding (50 people) and I've heard that right there that's one of the best ways to limit this from happening (much more common at bigger weddings) Stick to the proper guidelines for the timing of your save-the-dates and invitations and if you have an e-mail address or facebook contact send a quick note when a guest rsvps yes that you can't wait to see them to keep the contact going. And try not to worry about it. Good luck!

RockstarWifey0912 · November 2012

This was a concern for us as well lots of people traveling. What helped was the fact that my venue had a minimum guest requirement no matter what, we HAD to pay for 125 people. Does your caterer have anything like that set? It helped me having that minimum, because I could budget accordingly. I knew that no matter what, I was shelling out X amount of dollars, and could make peace with it. In the end we had 121 Yes's and had maybe 10 of those not show BUT we had a lot of 'maybe' folks show up, so it really does work out in the end.

[Deleted User] · November 2012

I am going to be happy on my big day even if we have some no shows! Lol I am just going try to keep good contact with our guests, send out the save the dates, shower invites and invitations to allow for proper notice and planning and believe that our friends know how to let us know if for some reason they can't make it. I have heard some horror stories from other brides and even our DJ about his wedding about no shows in abundance which got me extremely nervous. I am sure now there was probably more to the story like a history of being flakes and casual invites verses formal ones. Like I said though no matter what I am not going to let it bother me. Like someone posted earlier, I have planned to spend this amount of money so be it. Hey maybe a few extras could show up and fill in the flaker's seats ; now thats something they like to do for sure in my guy's family lol

NeedWeddingFavors · November 2012

We made special arrangements for a guest in a wheelchair, and he (and his guest) never showed up. It happens. Don't let it (or anything else besides the groom not showing up) ruin your wedding.

gailpete · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_concerned-about-guests-rsvping-yes-and-not-showing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dccc5617-e7c6-4edc-8070-0913ce001954Post:f0028ee3-6324-4281-9187-78fb39daf2f1">Re:Concerned about guests RSVPing yes and not showing...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am going to be happy on my big day even if we have some no shows! <strong>Lol I am just going try to keep good contact with our guests, send out the save the dates, shower invites and invitations to allow for proper notice and planning and believe that our friends know how to let us know if for some reason they can't make it.</strong> I have heard some horror stories from other brides and even our DJ about his wedding about no shows in abundance which got me extremely nervous. I am sure now there was probably more to the story like a history of being flakes and casual invites verses formal ones. Like I said though no matter what I am not going to let it bother me. Like someone posted earlier, I have planned to spend this amount of money so be it. Hey maybe a few extras could show up and fill in the flaker's seats ; now thats something they like to do for sure in my guy's family lol
Posted by krystelgotti[/QUOTE]

About the bolded- you should not be sending out any shower inviitations. It is rude to throw your own shower. When shower invites go out is strictly the responsibility of the host. Your only involvement in shower planning should be helping to decide on a date for the shower and providing addresses to the host for the shower invitiations (based on how many guests the host has said they can accomodate).

beardownbchs · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_concerned-about-guests-rsvping-yes-and-not-showing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dccc5617-e7c6-4edc-8070-0913ce001954Post:af543048-042c-4d82-942d-518cc1e3540f">Re:Concerned about guests RSVPing yes and not showing...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like to first start off by saying thank you ladies for responding to my question! This one has really been bugging me. I know realize my idea of doing the double check close to the date could be considered rude so I am going to scratch out that idea. I never want to be rude or inappropriate <strong>I am just a little concerned because my and my hubby to be are the only ones paying for this shindig and we don't exactly have an abundance of money and certainly none to waste.</strong> I can't really say if our guests are habitual flakes because this is the first real party we will have ever thrown so that is what makes me even more nervous. I hope that all of our friends know how important and special our big day is to us and don't commit to come and then don't show up. Its costing us about 75 a person all said and done so I am just going to plan for everyone like the catering manager said, and pray to the Lord sweet Jesus for the rsvp yesers to come lol and if they don't at least we get to keep the food! I am sure someone would love to take some steak dinners home yummy!
Posted by krystelgotti[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's funny, in your other post you're talking about how you'll buy everything on your registry plus more after the wedding. I think it's sad that you'll spend that money on yourself but are this concerned about spending the money on someone else...

</div>

Concerned about guests RSVPing yes and not showing...

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