Ring Bearer?

brimcleod · January 2010

So, we're having a tough time with the ring bearer subject.
Traditionally, it's a little boy, right?
Well, both of our families are very female-predominate with the kiddos. There are several little girls, but not many little boys.
FI's little sister (she's 4) is the flower girl. We'd just have a female ring bearer, but on my side of the family, there are so many little girls, and I can't just pick one! They're all too cute!!! I want them at the wedding, but not necessarily "in" the wedding..

If we don't have a ringbearer, what would we do with the rings?

My FI, being his silly self, said we'd have our kitten (which is male, and very young) be the ring bearer. "We can strap the rings around his neck, and pull a string down the aisle". haha.
Adorable to think about, but not the most reliable idea, plus, in a church, cats aren't usually allowed. haha.

So, what should I do, ladies?

SocialWorker2B · January 2010

You definitely don't need to have a ringbearer. The MOH and the BM can hold the rings and when the priest/minister (I assume, you said church) asks for them, she can hand you his and he can hand him yours.

A twist on that, what my H and I did was my mom (the MOH) holding my own ring and his mom (the "BM") holding his. Then, our officiant said that if I wanted to be bound to Dan, I should place my ring in his hand. Then if Dan consented to being bound to me, he should place his ring in my hand. Then I placed his ring on his hand and he placed my ring on my hand. Then we did the whole replacing the engagement ring thing.

Our guests thought it was really unique to have each of us consent to being married and handing over our own rings.

But either way would be more than fine. The cat idea is super cute but as a cat owner, I know that cats don't usually cooperate. GL! :-)

Whippet8 · January 2010

we're not having a ring bearer...and the best man is holding onto the rings from the begining. We also have a lot of little girls to choose from (FI has 8 nieces), and we chose the two that were the closest to us since we dont see all of them all the time.

HTH

mbcdefg · January 2010

Your FI or the Best Man can hold the rings in his pocket.

Or you can hold FI's ring on your thumb the whole time (or ask the MOH to hold it on her thumb), and he can keep yours on his pinky/in his pocket (or the Best Man) until it's time for the exchange.

You could ask your parents to hold them and then they can come forward and present them to you for the exchange.

Or the officiant can hold them.

banana468 · January 2010

We had several children in the family but decided not to have a RB or FG simply for the sake of our sanity and the sanity of the children's parents.

Our BM just held the rings. FWIW, if the child is very young, he's most likely not holding the "real" rings anyway.

crfische · January 2010

holy crap social worker, your signature makes me want to gouge my eyes out.

quotequeen · January 2010

It's generally recommended that you not give the real rings to the ring bearer anyway. That would be doubly true if you were having a pet as ring bearer. There's nothing wrong with not having a ring bearer. (I find the pet thing kind of ridiculous myself.)

banana468 · January 2010

Yeah, please don't use an animal in the wedding for so, so many reasons.

aerinpegadrak · January 2010

The ring bearer very rarely holds the actual rings. In fact, unless the ring bearer is older and very responsible, I think it's extraordinarily risky to give him the actual rings. Usually the BM holds both, or the BM holds the bride's and the MOH holds the groom's.

Just don't have a ring bearer. Especially not a cat.

brimcleod · January 2010

Thanks!

SocialWorker2B · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3da6fbb0-2937-46e6-ae65-dc5e625bfad5Post:2e9ef16c-f140-438f-a7f7-962d94024426">Re: Ring Bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]holy crap social worker, your signature makes me want to gouge my eyes out.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Sorry you feel that way. :-)

banana468 · January 2010

Socialworker, I love you but the sig borders on the insanity. I'm on an iMac and even on the huge screen I can see only your post. Do you really need the two badges, the Family photo, and the THREE tickers?

SocialWorker2B · January 2010

No matter what anyone's siggy, I can only see one person's post at a time anyways.

I am going on my honeymoon on Saturday so one ticker will be gone. Then it will only be two! :-)

banana468 · January 2010

Hooray for honeymoons!

I can often see three or so posts when the siggies are in check. Plus, they do take a long time to load. Right now with the issues that people are having with loading pages, if you can eliminate some, it would be really great.

brimcleod · January 2010

hmm..i don't have issues with loading at all...
but that darn knot tv thing drives me up a wall! i want it GONE! now!!!!

but on firefox, i have no problems with any of the boards or the signatures...

banana468 · January 2010

I don't have issues with it loading but other knotties have reported problems with it - and some can't use Firefox if they're knotting on a computer that isn't their own. At work I can't use Firefox.

trix1223 · January 2010

Without reading all the other responses: two of my three children are married, and in neither wedding was there a ring bearer. The best man held both rings in each wedding, and it was just fine.

You'll still be married~even without a little tot traipsing down the aisle. And you might just be saved some unnecessary drama on wedding day.

emilyinchile · January 2010

No RB or FG in our wedding. The BM will probably hold both our rings, although we honestly haven't discussed it.

If you right click the board name and open in a new tab, it should open without the tv. Then bookmark that link and always go to it - on my work and home computers that's solved the problem for me.

bablingbrooke · January 2010

Haven't read all the replies so sorry if this is repetitive.

You have several options:

Have girls as RBs (no law says they must be boys!)
The BM can hold onto the rings and then give them to the officiant at the appropriate time.
The MOH can hold his ring, BM can hold yours, and they give them to you to give to each other.
Have them waiting on a pillow at the front at the altar.

Don't be afraid to get creative!

SocialWorker2B · January 2010

Banana, edited my siggy just for you! I love the nice way you asked. :-)

banana468 · January 2010

Thank you!! :-D

pooh8402 · January 2010

back to the original subject:

* you can have a girl as a RB.
* you can have a pet as a RB (thats what we're doing and if you don't like it you can suck it) and have it led down the aisle on a leash (not following a string).
* you can just not have a RB--as to what you do with the rings, why would you trust those very important pieces of jewelry to a toddler in the first place? the BM and MOH hold the actual rings.

what I would do in your case, is forgo the RB altogether.

bablingbrooke · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3da6fbb0-2937-46e6-ae65-dc5e625bfad5Post:46ce7a11-cdc2-43d8-86cf-866c6b5b6c82">Re: Ring Bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE] * you can have a pet as a RB (thats what we're doing and if you don't like it you can suck it) and have it led down the aisle on a leash (not following a string). * .
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm going to respond to your oh-so-classy and mature remark there. There are several reasons why a pet is a bad idea:</div><div>
</div><div><ul><li>Pets are difficult to control, especially around large groups of people (so are children under 5, which is why I think RB and FG should be at least kindergarden age).</li><li>Some of your guests may be allergic.</li><li>You might think Fluffy is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but most guests will roll their eyes.</li><li>What will you do with the pet after the processional and during the reception? You don't want an animal running around the reception and it's unfair to ask a friend or family member to be the designated dog-watcher. I promise you that you'll be too busy to do it yourself.</li></ul><div>
</div><div>Just a few things to think about. Maybe you've thought it through and have a response to everything, but there are others out there who might not have.</div></div>

brimcleod · January 2010

in reference to the pet idea, we're obviously not doing it, FI was kidding, but I don't see anything wrong with it.

a pet is a beloved member of the family and if i decided i wanted to, i would. some pets are well trained too. i'm pretty sure if your pet is a big part of your family, guests won't be too annoyed. and you could just have a family member or friend take the pet home.

so i don't think it's completely stupid.

banana468 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3da6fbb0-2937-46e6-ae65-dc5e625bfad5Post:f22332cd-486a-47af-9f66-728c9f26961a">Re: Ring Bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE] i'm pretty sure if your pet is a big part of your family, guests won't be too annoyed.
Posted by brimcleod[/QUOTE]

If the guest has a fear or allergy, they would be annoyed...and probably absent from your ceremony.

Yes, a pet can be a lovely member of the family but unless the pet is a trained helping animal like a seeing eye dog, it's not appropriate to involve the pet in the ceremony.

Plus, if your ceremony is inside at your reception venue, having the pet there is most likely illegal and unsanitary.

pooh8402 · January 2010

that's your opinion. to counter the points you have made:

Pets are difficult to control, especially around large groups of people (so are children under 5, which is why I think RB and FG should be at least kindergarden age). which is why we have already appointed a dog handler for the ceremony itself. the appointed handler has already agreed to this as he loves our dog. if he changes his mind, we simply won't have the dog in the ceremony. the handler is one of the groomsman, and is also FI's roommate, so he and the dog are very familiar with each other. the dog will be leashed the entire time he is not in a kennel. our dog is also professionally trained as a bird dog and no longer a puppy.
Some of your guests may be allergic. good thing the ceremony and reception are outdoors. they're already exposed to pet dander just by being outdoors. in fact, our venue owner is allergic and I asked him if it would be a problem--he said no as long as the dog is not near him.
You might think Fluffy is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but most guests will roll their eyes. that's their opinion. you might think that a 5 year old in a tux carring a pillow is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but your guests will roll their eyes. however, as has been stated several times on the Knot boards, this ceremony is for FI and I to do pretty much as we wish. if we wish to have a beloved member of our family in the wedding, even if he has a fur coat and a tail and walks on all 4s, that is our choice. it is your choice to not agree with that.
What will you do with the pet after the processional and during the reception? You don't want an animal running around the reception and it's unfair to ask a friend or family member to be the designated dog-watcher. I promise you that you'll be too busy to do it yourself. we will have a kennel set up for the dog to sit in. this is common for our dog, he is used to a kennel, he will be kept in a shaded area with a bowl of water in his kennel, and the dog is trained to hold his bladder for up to 8 hours if needed. as the wedding and reception combined won't be more than 5 hours, that is plenty of time for him between potty breaks. however, the designated handler will be shown where he will be allowed to relieve himself if needed--the venue owner has already agreed and shown me where the dog may relieve himself. after the wedding, the dog will be going home with my dad anyway, since he has agreed to watch our dog during the honeymoon as he usually does when FI and I are on vacation.

basically, you assume that we have not thought of these things months beforehand and discussed this in detail with all parties involved. FI and I are not irresponsible pet owners and we know when our dog is being annoying to other people.

to the OP, I apologize for myself and on the behalf of bablingbrooke [sic] for hijacking your thread.

bablingbrooke · January 2010

Apparently you skipped the last line where I said that even if you thought of all of it, others may not have, so that's why I bothered posting it.

pooh8402 · January 2010

sorry, I did skip that. my apologies.

banana468 · January 2010

Pooh, what if some of your guests have fears of dogs? Will the kennel be close to where the guests are?

LarissaAnn · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3da6fbb0-2937-46e6-ae65-dc5e625bfad5Post:836bfa65-9871-453b-8e91-048db1007c43">Re: Ring Bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring Bearer? : I'm going to respond to your oh-so-classy and mature remark there. There are several reasons why a pet is a bad idea: Pets are difficult to control, especially around large groups of people (so are children under 5, which is why I think RB and FG should be at least kindergarden age). Some of your guests may be allergic. You might think Fluffy is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but most guests will roll their eyes. What will you do with the pet after the processional and during the reception? You don't want an animal running around the reception and it's unfair to ask a friend or family member to be the designated dog-watcher. I promise you that you'll be too busy to do it yourself. Just a few things to think about. Maybe you've thought it through and have a response to everything, but there are others out there who might not have.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

<div>AND, did you ever try to put a cat on a leash? My cat kept trying to make a run for the outdoors, so I got him a collar & tags, plus asked my vet about taking him outside on a leash & what'd be required in terms of vaccinations & such. My family doesn't do indoor/outdoor cats, so a leash was the only way to go, with a harness.</div><div>
</div><div>The result was comical, but not wedding-friendly. The cat gets terrified, lies flat, and refuses to move. I'd have to drag him like crazy to get him down an aisle. That would *not* be pretty.</div>

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

All pet owners think their pet is very well behaved and well liked. But there are some PITA pets out there. They belong to somebody.

It's like everyone thinks they are a good driver.

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