I have a family member who has been in a mental institution for about 25 years. She can't get out unless she signed out by a family member who agrees to be responsible for her for the day. So there's no way she will be coming to my wedding, which would involve a round-trip flight and several nights accommodations.
I feel like not inviting her is kind of rude, because she's being left out of the basic formalities and will know it and may feel completely forgotten. But I feel like inviting her is also kind of rude, because it seems like it might be a slap in the face to her to be invited to something that she obviously (and that is not an over-statement -she is actively psychotic) will not be able to attend.
Thoughts?
Re: Send STD or invite to an institutionalized family member?
May 2012 July Siggy: Favorite Vacation Spot Kaleden, BC
My Blog:Through My Eyes
We invited a couple of H's relatives with advanced dementia. No one expected them to attend, but it was expected to send them the invitation because they are family and it's nice receiving pretty mail every so often.
[QUOTE]I worked in a housing for the mentally ill for a short time, and the residents loved to get mail even when it was from family that we had to remind them who they were! They didnt care what it was, but if it was something exciting they would brag to everyone else and be so excited that someone on the outside cares about them. I think it would be really rad of you to send an invite. She seems like she understands why she is there, and would not expect to actually go but would be thrilled to get the invite and attention.
Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]
I'm curious, would they allow her to view the wedding through skype or something similar? Is this allowed in institutions?
[QUOTE]I think it's a very nice gesture that you want to send an invitation. But if you feel she might become angry that you sent one and she cannot attend, <strong>could you instead send a wedding announcement right after you get married? </strong>You could try to include a few wedding pictures too, if possible.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
<span style="font-size:12pt;">This is a nice idea too. If you do decide to send an invite, what about a little insert that says something along the lines of ‘hey cousin x. We know you won’t be able to make it, but we wanted you to know that we wish you could be there & will miss you. We’ll send pics after.’ That way the intension is clearer. I definitely agree with the PP in asking someone that’s in closer contact with her.</span>
My Bio
After the wedding, we're putting together a little photo album and mailing it to her. You could go so far as to do a Shutterfly book, if you wanted. We're going to include a note that says we wished she could have joined us, and we wanted to share some of the memories with her since she was missed. It sounds like she might treasure something like that, and would be able to show it off to her friends in the institution.
H has an older aunt with Down's Syndrome, and also has dementia setting in. She loves getting cards and pictures and stuff at the group home she lives at, but people don't send her invitations to things unless one of her local sisters says it's okay and they can bring her. She wants to be able to go to things, but she freaks out when she's around a lot of people and away from her cat for more than a day.
I also like the idea of sending a card and pictures after the wedding.