Choosing Bridesmaids

llggy5 · December 2009

I have a large family and I have close friends from different stages in life. I have my best friends since preschool, my best friends since middle school, my close college friends and my newest work friends. I could easily end up with at least 10 bridesmaids. To avoid hurting my friends’ feelings I have decided to keep only family in the wedding. This said I know that some of my friends are expecting to be in my wedding and will have their feelings hurt. How can I make them know that they are still really important to me without having them in the wedding?

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2009

GUest is an honor, too.
Don't bring it up unless they do.

brookelynpaisley · December 2009

You tell them that they're important to you but that you didn't want have to pick and choose. Tell them that you are honored to have them as a guest at your wedding. You can also ask them to do a reading at the wedding. I think if you tell them exactly what you just wrote (that you'd end up with 10 bridesmaids) they will understand, especially if any of them have been married.

Brie2010 · December 2009

I wouldn't bring it up, and if anyone says anything just say, "We decided to keep it to family only because we're so lucky to have so many great friends it could get out of control fast!"

My best friend has 3 sisters and two SILs. I wasn't in her wedding because of this and I didn't see it as a problem. Fine by me. She invited me to stop by the church before the ceremony to say hi and chat a bit, which was really sweet and I enjoyed.

goheels05 · December 2009

You really don't need to say or do anything. They will see that it's family only and won't worry too much about it. They may even be a little relieved to be able to just wear whatever they want and kick back and enjoy your wedding without the added responsibility. I know I would.

LesPaul · December 2009

10 bridesmaids would make you crazy. You cannot include every close friend you have ever had (since preschool!). Family only is a good option. Can you include some of the friends in other areas of the planning without making them BMs? All your guests are important, whether they are part of the WP or not.

brookelynpaisley · December 2009

Oh, ditto B. I totally jumped ahead. Just pick your wedding party and if someone actually does bring it up to you say "I chose Sally, Susie, and Sarah." And if they push, then say what I said.

goheels05 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_choosing-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eea2687d-9649-41e1-8924-5e26fd38d08aPost:f5ee9f22-734c-4779-883a-2fbaa66ed422">Re: Choosing Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You tell them that they're important to you but that you didn't want have to pick and choose. Tell them that you are honored to have them as a guest at your wedding. </strong>You can also ask them to do a reading at the wedding. I think if you tell them exactly what you just wrote (that you'd end up with 10 bridesmaids) they will understand, especially if any of them have been married.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

You only need to say this <strong>if they ask</strong>. If they don't ask, you're going to come across as self-important and obnoxious by bringing it up. You are assuming they want to be bridesmaids. You don't know that for a fact.

salt78 · December 2009

Do not make any decisions on your bridal party until you are maybe 8-10 months out from the wedding. You never know what might happen with certain relationships. Especially work friends.

nicolesly730 · December 2009

I did the same by keeping it in the family. I am only doing 2 BM plus my MOH, my sister. I had two friends last year (before I was engaged!) tell me that they better be in my wedding party as my only sister doesn't deserve it bc she is too moody. Needless to say, neither of these girls are in my party. I think you should choose who you feel comfortable, making sure the people you choose support you 100% in your decisions, after all it's your day, not theirs!

salt78 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_choosing-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eea2687d-9649-41e1-8924-5e26fd38d08aPost:15c91d3f-a73e-4b91-8ebd-c3dafb48ca9b">Re: Choosing Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should choose who you feel comfortable, making sure the people you choose support you 100% in your decisions, after all it's your day, not theirs!
Posted by nicolesly730[/QUOTE]

*headdesk*
*headdesk*
*headdesk*
*headdesk*

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2009

Hey, soon to be NicoleH....you might want to remove your future last name from your ticker. I guarantee you and your FI are being googled.

lilgina64 · December 2009

I actually had a group of 4 girlfriends that i've been friends with for 13 years give me the weirdest reaction.

I told them I was getting married. Two of them go "oh yay so we get to be bridesmaids" the other two go "oh please don't make us be bridesmaids"... i did not even mention bridemaid and they were all up in my face about it. I calmly told them that I love them and I will have a special dance with them (we used to rock out to boy bands, so probably something by nsync or whatever haha), but that i couldn't have 10 people in my bridal party.
That being said, my sister is my MOH, my SIL is my bridesmaid, my best friend from high school is my other bridesmaid, my best friend from college is doing a reading and so is my best friend from work. No one is offended and everyone is happy to not have the extra hassle.

just don't say anything until they bring it up. I wasn't planning on addressing it at all, but some of my girlfriends are pretty brash and assumed they would be bridesmaids.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2009

And ditto Salt's head desk.

You don't choose BP members based on whether or not they "will support you 100%". They don't work for you; they're friends and family.

salt78 · December 2009

Oh boy a New Years Eve wedding. I'd be declining that. I can't stand when people get married on holidays.

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