How important is "ettiquette" to you?

Festiva · April 2010

I believe in "ettiquete" but I also beleive that there is a difference between ettiquette and conservate style preference.
The rules of ettiquete can sometimes be confused with style preference or simply tradition.

psichick · April 2010

etiquette is etiquette, there's nothing to get confused over. there are clearly defined rules of what to do and what not to do. where people get confused is common behaviors vs. etiquette. it's the whole just because it's common doesn't mean it's not rude thing. plenty of things are common (or tradition) that break etiquette rules (cash bars, tiered receptions, etc). just because someone is accustomed to being treated rudely doesn't mean it's still not rude........

also, please define what this "conservative style preference" is all about?

Festiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:c8ebbeca-e654-4164-a1b6-24cde75336e0">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]etiquette is etiquette, there's nothing to get confused over. there are clearly defined rules of what to do and what not to do. where people get confused is common behaviors vs. etiquette. it's the whole just because it's common doesn't mean it's not rude thing. plenty of things are common (or tradition) that break etiquette rules (cash bars, tiered receptions, etc). just because someone is accustomed to being treated rudely doesn't mean it's still not rude........ also, please define what this "conservative style preference" is all about?
Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

I agree - there are clearly defined rules of ettiquette and when they are ignored...it's rude and people do notice. What I am referring to as far as confusion and 'conservative style preference' is when...well, say a bride wants to go down the aisle to something other then the typical Here Comes the Bride, or Canod D... and another bride will inform her that she's breaking an ettiquette rule by doing so.

I do infact see this from time to time- not as often on here, but A LOT on "projectwedding.com" forum. Tradition (or even "conservative style preference") can be confused with ettiquette and it's as annoying or at least <em>almost</em> as annoying as someone who chomps gum down the aisle or puts where they are registered right on the invite.

Jennasourus · April 2010

I actually do think that their is a bit of a difference. For example, my cousin and his girlfriend just got engaged a few weeks ago. They are both in their 30's and their parents will not be throwing them an engagement party ... so they decided to throw themselves one. Seeing the crazy backlash people get around here for even mentioning doing such a thing, i asked a few family members if they thought this was in poor taste. They all said that they think its a wonderful chance to celebrate their engagement (everyone really loves the girl he is marrying and we are all thrilled they are engaged) My Aunt said she much rather we all have a great celebration, rather then not just because of what is "proper". I think its all a matter of whats normal in your family. I also don't think it looks gift grabby at all for them because party or not my family always gives engagement gifts.

I'

Festiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:3cea582d-e6d7-4e9c-91c7-95203af4e4c2">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually do think that their is a bit of a difference. For example, my cousin and his girlfriend just got engaged a few weeks ago. They are both in their 30's and their parents will not be throwing them an engagement party ... so they decided to throw themselves one. Seeing the crazy backlash people get around here for even mentioning doing such a thing, i asked a few family members if they thought this was in poor taste. They all said that they think its a wonderful chance to celebrate their engagement (everyone really loves the girl he is marrying and we are all thrilled they are engaged) My Aunt said she much rather we all have a great celebration, rather then not just because of what is "proper". I think its all a matter of whats normal in your family. I also don't think it looks gift grabby at all for them because party or not my family always gives engagement gifts. I'
Posted by Jennasourus[/QUOTE]

This is an example of ettiquette vs. tradition. Also- what is deemed "appropriate" is often a regional thing. The Dollar Dance is very normal in some areas while in others it's viewed as odd and even tacky.....registering for the honeymoon- I have friends in my homestate who would scoff at the very idea, yet where I live now...it's done all the time. What I find annoying is those that turn their noses up and seem to think that they know it all. GIVE ME A BREAK.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:16e01bf3-24a2-477e-9eed-838f7747895b">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you? : I agree - there are clearly defined rules of ettiquette and when they are ignored...it's rude and people do notice. What I am referring to as far as confusion and 'conservative style preference' is when...<strong>well, say a bride wants to go down the aisle to something other then the typical Here Comes the Bride, or Canod D... and another bride will inform her that she's breaking an ettiquette rule by doing so.</strong> I do infact see this from time to time- not as often on here, but A LOT on "projectwedding.com" forum. Tradition (or even "conservative style preference") can be confused with ettiquette and it's as annoying or at least almost as annoying as someone who chomps gum down the aisle or puts where they are registered right on the invite.
Posted by Festiva[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This just means that the second bride is an idiot. Etiquette is about how you treat your guests, not style choices. </div><div>
</div><div>Frankly, I find it sad how many people are willing to make excuses to ignore etiquette. I find it a sign of immaturity and selfishness. Etiquette rules are still in full force, and people do notice.

</div>

Festiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:ef008b92-0d0f-475f-b2d7-380b58134b37">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you? : This just means that the second bride is an idiot. Etiquette is about how you treat your guests, not style choices. Frankly, I find it sad how many people are willing to make excuses to ignore etiquette. I find it a sign of immaturity and selfishness. Etiquette rules are still in full force, and people do notice.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

"the other bride is just an idiot" LOL =)
my point is, it happens. you may not be confused, nor am I- but I see evidence from time to time of brides or others who place the word "ettiquette" over something they simply prefer or are accustomed to. I'm saying that there is a difference between ettiquette and tradition- and yes, there certainly are brides who do NOT know the difference.

spinner84 · April 2010

I think it depends. I'm refusing to let my fiance say we're asking for money (because we'll move in a few years, probably to somewhere that we can't move our stuff to). His friends even put their BANK NUMBER on the wedding invitations! I think it is different in Europe though to be honest, but I was really taken back.

I'm shocked that both my father and the groom's mother are really mad that I'm having BMs in black! Oops. So yes, it's a difference between tradition and etiquette, and unfortunately, you can offend people by violating either one.

skippylouwho · April 2010

I usually adhere to ettiquette but there are times when common sense has to come first.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:e3784f8a-5c2d-43c0-8448-5b96edceb8a3">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you? : "the other bride is just an idiot" LOL =) my point is, it happens. you may not be confused, nor am I- but I see evidence from time to time of brides or others who place the word "ettiquette" over something they simply prefer or are accustomed to. I'm saying that there is a difference between ettiquette and tradition- and yes, there certainly are brides who do NOT know the difference.
Posted by Festiva[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, didn't feel the need to be nice as she's a hypothetical person. :)</div><div>
</div><div>But my point is, just because some people don't understand what etiquette means doesn't mean that anyone should ignore it. </div><div>
</div><div>There are defined etiquette rules about what is acceptable behavior, in weddings and in daily life. If I ignored common business etiquette, I would be in a terrible position professionally. I can't imagine not extending the same manners to my closest friends and family that I extend to clients and colleagues. </div>

mewebster59 · April 2010

does anyone know the meaning of the word?

I agree.... and it depends on your social circle and so many other variable factors

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette>

KatyRoseM · April 2010

At the same time it is interesting how ettiquette changes, or possibly doesn't. How many of you are including response cards in your invites? That is WRONG according to ettiquette, however it is meant to make life easier on guests, and is common, so is it still WRONG? Should the rules change since this is meant to help guests as they no longer need to respond with a letter?

Festiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:c2811660-e6d5-4f95-b2a7-9c11a92e7e25">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]At the same time it is interesting how ettiquette changes, or possibly doesn't. How many of you are including response cards in your invites? That is WRONG according to ettiquette, however it is meant to make life easier on guests, and is common, so is it still WRONG? Should the rules change since this is meant to help guests as they no longer need to respond with a letter?
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your post- you're totally getting waht I'm saying. Thanks!

Festiva · April 2010

I wish I could change the title of this question! It doesn't go with the actual post & poll...and I think people are misunderstanding what I'm saying.

psichick · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:c2811660-e6d5-4f95-b2a7-9c11a92e7e25">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]At the same time it is interesting how ettiquette changes, or possibly doesn't. How many of you are including response cards in your invites? That is WRONG according to ettiquette, however it is meant to make life easier on guests, and is common, so is it still WRONG? Should the rules change since this is meant to help guests as they no longer need to respond with a letter?
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

yes, it's still wrong.

this is yet another perfect example of common/tradition vs. proper etiquette. it's common place for people to put response cards in invitations. is it incorrect etiquette? yes it is. is it common? yes it is. does that mean that the etiquette should change? no. technically they still are responding with a letter, you're just writing it for them and asking them to fill in the blanks.

t.kaufman · April 2010

Also, etiquette would say that you should address invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. This is incredibly offensive to me even though it follows etiquette rules which the PP said is supposed to ensure that I am not offended or treated rudely. Many women of modern day do not wish to be "lost" in their husband's name and prefer to be addressed as an actual person instead of just an attachment to their husband.

so yes, I think that people who want to adhere to etiquette rules frequently go over the top and take it all too seriously. Do what works for you and what fits for your family/friends, using some etiquette rules and not others.

Festiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:f22c3d68-23b1-4d9a-bed8-ef686cf5e62f">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, etiquette would say that you should address invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. This is incredibly offensive to me even though it follows etiquette rules which the PP said is supposed to ensure that I am not offended or treated rudely. Many women of modern day do not wish to be "lost" in their husband's name and prefer to be addressed as an actual person instead of just an attachment to their husband. so yes, I think that people who want to adhere to etiquette rules frequently go over the top and take it all too seriously. Do what works for you and what fits for your family/friends, using some etiquette rules and not others.
Posted by t.kaufman[/QUOTE]

THANK YOU for posting =) !!!

Festiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:d65b9dae-87b8-4114-aec7-0a505bfe8780">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you? : Then apparently I am misunderstanding the poll and the OP as well as the title, because they all seem to go together to me. :-/
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

thanks=)
someone eluded that my title didn't make sense.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:f22c3d68-23b1-4d9a-bed8-ef686cf5e62f">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Also, etiquette would say that you should address invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith</strong>. This is incredibly offensive to me even though it follows etiquette rules which the PP said is supposed to ensure that I am not offended or treated rudely. Many women of modern day do not wish to be "lost" in their husband's name and prefer to be addressed as an actual person instead of just an attachment to their husband. so yes, I think that people who want to adhere to etiquette rules frequently go over the top and take it all too seriously. Do what works for you and what fits for your family/friends, using some etiquette rules and not others.
Posted by t.kaufman[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, modern etiquette guides (Cranes?) give you the option of doing that, or of Jane and John Smith or something else. Etiquette does evolve. It's the same as the mom throwing the bridal shower thing.</div><div>
</div><div>But throwing your own bridal shower, asking for cash, charging your guests, etc will never come into style, because it isn't a function of gender/family roles. </div>

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:d65b9dae-87b8-4114-aec7-0a505bfe8780">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you? : Then apparently I am misunderstanding the poll and the OP as well as the title, because they all seem to go together to me. :-/
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>I think I don't get what you are saying either. Are you trying to talk about the difference between etiquette and tradition?</div>

mewebster59 · April 2010

stage manager-

Please follow my link to teach yourself the definition of etiquette.

Ettiquette (as definited by wikipedia)
Etiquette is dependent on culture; what is excellent etiquette in one society may shock another.

Etiquette tells one which fork to use. Manners tells one what to do when your neighbor doesn't

Etiquette (pronounced [,eti'ket]) is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group

and the link to read the rest before you continue to sound uneducated: (again)

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette>

t.kaufman · April 2010

The question of this poll should be: Does it annoy you when people argue over what the definition of etiquette is?

mewebster59 · April 2010

I agree this is old, and my last attempt....

I thought you wouldn't find this credible given circumstances but here you go:

<http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/etiquette>

research for yourself if you don't agree

jajph1974 · April 2010

I think questions and polls like this keep coming up because people want others to validate their choices.

My opinion, as far as weddings/receptions go, is: Don't be gift/cash grabby. Feed your guests. Don't ask or expect your guests to pay for anything.

In my opinion, those are the biggies and everything else is just fluff. (Not exactly fluff, but that's the best thing I could come up with right now to describe what I'm trying to say)

beatlesgirl25 · April 2010

I can't take this thread seriously when "etiquette" isn't even spelled correctly.

Webster, if you need a secondary reference to prove Stage wrong, here's one that's right up your alley: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=etiquette

quotequeen · April 2010

I think the evolution of etiquette IS what makes it difficult. Certain rules do change, and the point at which they have changed is not something that everybody agrees on. Some people try to use that ambiguity to their advantage by arguing that other things that have long been considered poor etiquette are now acceptable because they have become common.

xoxob · April 2010

HOW did etiquette get misspelled so many times in this thread? That's all. As I'll only echo what's already been said (and spelled correctly).

beatlesgirl25 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_important-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b81f944e-4746-4695-b43f-823d6a350957Post:ac6e4658-5d19-4b54-9caf-f1479d1c2662">Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How important is "ettiquette" to you? : Beatlesgirl, I am so loving you right now. And I agree with quotequeen. The fact that some things have evolved in the modern etiquette code seems to make everyone think that ANYTHING that is common now and wasn't 30 years ago is obviously acceptable. Yes, response cards are actually there for the convenience of your guests in a society that no longer writes letters as a major form of communication. However, asking your guests for money in any direct fashion has always been and will always be rude. And the day that it is okay to dictate a dresscode on an invitation is the day that I expatriate to less idiotic continent.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<3

lilcassers · April 2010

JENNA I AGREE WITH YOU. Every family and culture is different and it is best that we do not judge!

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