this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Moms and Maids
Moms and Maids
New Discussion

Unity candle mess....

lynxbbgirllynxbbgirl member
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
My FI and I decided that we would like to have a unity candle at our ceremony. Which you would think we be easy. My mom agreed it was a good idea but now claims she wants nothing to do with it. My FI has a mom and stepmom and I was already worried about who would "play the part" so no feelings would be hurt. I figured his mom bc well he isn't very close to the step.

My mom is now saying that she wants no part in "joining the families" which I think is wrong, as that is what a marriage is. I haven't fought with her over it, but have tried to get her to explain why she feels that way without much luck...

What I am wondering is, should we just cut our losses and forget about the candle. (FI doesn't know anything that my mom has said), or should we work around it some other way, having them lit already, lighting them ourselves.... I just feel like this takes away from the meaning.  I wanted a sand cermony to begin with, but FI wasn't interested in it. I'm lose on what to do...
Anniversary
Report Reply to Post

Re: Unity candle mess....

  • paramedic0803paramedic0803 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would consider asking someone else who has been influential in your life if your mom isn't interested in the part. But also, I would try to continue finding out why (without being annoying) she doesn't want to do it and just let her know that if she doesn't want to do it, its ok. But you will ask someone else to play the part.
    Report Reply
  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We aren't doing a unity candle precisely to avoid this sort of drama.

    Ditto Retread, if you really want to do it.  Or ask someone else from your side of the family.

    I'm concerned why your mom wouldn't want to, though.  Especially given the wording - that she wants no role in joining the families?
    image
    Report Reply
  • Caroli1210Caroli1210
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would cut your losses. Personally, I think unity candles and sand ceremonies are unnecessary at best. The wedding is the ceremony- the vows, the exchange of rings. Why do you need anymore?
    It's nice if your families get along but you're the ones who are getting married and who are commiting yourselves to one another. I will say that it seems like your mom is reading too much into this. But if she doesn't want to participate then I would just drop it the whole thing. You'll be just as married without any extras.
    Report Reply
  • katiedidthatkatiedidthat
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    At my sister's wedding they used the unity candle as a "two lives becoming one" instead of two families, perhaps you could do that?  Like instead of your moms lighting the taper candles, you and your FI light them and then combine to light the main candle.  The outside candles could be extinguished to show you're a united front now, not two separate ones. 
    BabyFruit Ticker Photobucket image Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • littlestowllittlestowl
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_unity-candle-mess?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa8f6599-cfc4-4eac-8b80-c302dd36d309Post:0b70052c-9e4d-48fe-9605-806666370569">Re: Unity candle mess....</a>:
    [QUOTE]We aren't doing a unity candle precisely to avoid this sort of drama. Ditto Retread, if you really want to do it.  Or ask someone else from your side of the family. <strong>I'm concerned why your mom wouldn't want to, though.  Especially given the wording - that she wants no role in joining the families?</strong>
    Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. If she's suddenly feeling this way and prior to now has been suportive, what's changed?</div>
    image
    "You might disagree but it ain't yo show." -Steve Harvey
    Report Reply
  • klasnd22klasnd22
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_unity-candle-mess?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fa8f6599-cfc4-4eac-8b80-c302dd36d309Post:f2b314c8-52a5-4b29-b3a4-df801ad7197e">Re: Unity candle mess....</a>:
    [QUOTE]At my sister's wedding they used the unity candle as a "two lives becoming one" instead of two families, perhaps you could do that?  Like instead of your moms lighting the taper candles, you and your FI light them and then combine to light the main candle.  The outside candles could be extinguished to show you're a united front now, not two separate ones. 
    Posted by katiedidthat[/QUOTE]


    This is what I have seen at all the weddings I've been to that do the unity candle. The bride and groom each light a taper from either the candles on the altar or the Christ candle and then light the main pillar.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards