Legitimate Etiquette Question

AdeleDazeem · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legitimate-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ec0b5b8-d7ce-4687-8183-3a6091be0288Post:100fc3a4-662e-41c4-b16f-bde4a36384cd">Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question</a>:
[QUOTE]We all just wanted to come together and celebrate love and life.
Posted by diabride[/QUOTE]

And donate to your fundraiser. Don't forget that part.

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legitimate-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ec0b5b8-d7ce-4687-8183-3a6091be0288Post:bcd6e820-1b20-4be0-95ef-fee8355b9877">Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question</a>:
[QUOTE]OP I read your name as dial-a-bride. That's about all I have to add to this.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I keep reading it as diatribe...which after what she said to Snippy in the other thread kind of fits.

monkeysip · August 2012

I had nothing more to add to this insane thread, but Mkrupar, your sig made me lol.

Snippylynn · August 2012

I've finally figured out what pisses me off about you, OP. You pretend to be this free-wheeling, hippyish type person but really, you're one big ball of contradictions and lies to yourself.

You're impossible to have a discussion with, because, despite your professed "want to know the actual etiquette answer" statement, you don't REALLY want to hear what we're saying.

lyndausvi · August 2012

I'll be honest. In this case, I don't mind the 'tiered reception'. It sounds like they are completely different events. Not at the same location or anything like that.

If I was aware of the religious situation with her FI's parents, I would be okay with being invited to only the after-party. I think there are certain things that are in a case-by-case basis and on the surface this isn't too bad.

Says the girl who is flying to Austria for a 'fake' wedding.

All that said,. I would be annoyed it's now a charity event instead of just a plain ole wedding reception. It's a little bit of a sting to be 2nd string for celebrating your wedding. To be told in order to be on the 2nd string i have bring items for donation is something else.

mkrupar · August 2012

Thanks Monkey! It made me chuckle myself.

MrsMack10612 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legitimate-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ec0b5b8-d7ce-4687-8183-3a6091be0288Post:d19cea61-1b97-4521-8c33-c7ade16801a1">Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question : The venue that my reception was at was well known for Bingo and Girl Scout meetings. I still managed to have neither.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I have absolutely nothing to add to this thread but this made me snortle.

Girlie1030 · August 2012

This is an honest question - do Mormon's actually celebrate Dia De Los Muertos? Or is the wedding and first reception for the Mormon's and the fundraiser reception for everyone else? You sure play yourself off as trying to cater to so many different groups I'm getting confused.

diabride · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legitimate-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ec0b5b8-d7ce-4687-8183-3a6091be0288Post:f6b4ce3b-ba65-47e5-8aaa-62d0c52c4b5c">Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question</a>:
[QUOTE]This is an honest question - do Mormon's actually celebrate Dia De Los Muertos? Or is the wedding and first reception for the Mormon's and the fundraiser reception for everyone else? You sure play yourself off as trying to cater to so many different groups I'm getting confused.
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

My FI was raised Mormon and no longer Mormon. His entire family are all very Mormon. Being that we are compassionate human beings (regardless of our thoughts on their religion) we are respecting the values that they hold. That being said...this how the after-party came about. We won't change the venue of the wedding because it is a place that is very personal to he and I and rather than say to his large family "oh you can come but your kids can't so we can accommodate our wild and crazy friends we decided to do it this way. 2- Our friends that aren't coming to the "ceremony" are cool with it. We have been honest since day one in regards to what we are doing and not one person has had a problem with it.
We aren't traditional people. I am a social worker that plays roller derby. My FI is in the music business. I will never be the "proper" bride like many of you are and guess what that is okay. At the end of the day...it is our wedding and as long as our family/friends are there to celebrate with us, that is all that matters.

HockeyFan4 · August 2012

Why are you asking questions,on an etiquette board no less, then?

diabride · August 2012

I was just trying to get wording ideas for the flyer.

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legitimate-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ec0b5b8-d7ce-4687-8183-3a6091be0288Post:99f9ff33-761a-48d9-a1e2-72d59f4ccbdf">Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question : My FI was raised Mormon and no longer Mormon. His entire family are all very Mormon. Being that we are compassionate human beings (regardless of our thoughts on their religion) we are respecting the values that they hold. That being said...this how the after-party came about. We won't change the venue of the wedding because it is a place that is very personal to he and I and rather than say to his large family "oh you can come but your kids can't so we can accommodate our wild and crazy friends we decided to do it this way. 2- Our friends that aren't coming to the "ceremony" are cool with it. We have been honest since day one in regards to what we are doing and not one person has had a problem with it. We aren't traditional people. I am a social worker that plays roller derby. My FI is in the music business. <strong> I will never be the "proper" bride like many of you are and guess what that is okay. At the end of the day...it is our wedding and as long as our family/friends are there to celebrate with us, that is all that matters. </strong>
Posted by diabride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's all good but since this IS the etiquette board, you're going to get "proper" and traditional answers to your questions.
<div>

</div></div>

hoffse · August 2012

If you're compassionate, how do you feel about offending people with a tired reception, forced fund-raiser, and HM registry? Really just curious.

Please don't hand out a flyer to your consolation-prize reception. This is your wedding day. Hopefully it's the only one you'll have. A little decorum can go a long way.

Megbo2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legitimate-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ec0b5b8-d7ce-4687-8183-3a6091be0288Post:628a18ab-b76a-40ac-b637-8615e68d12e3">Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question</a>:
[QUOTE]If they aren't tied together, then why is it called a "Happily Ever After-Party"? You also said having people donate would make your wedding day more awesome. So, yes, they are tied together. You could host a warm clothing drive at the venue as its own party, not a post-wedding party. Do not relate it to your wedding in any way.
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I don't get any of this.</div>

Cortney1982 · August 2012

I do not understand why your FI family cannot be in a room where other people will be drinking. THEY DO NOT HAVE TO DRINK! And you should not have to be rude and have an after party just because they think they are too good to be around booze and judge everybody who does.

About the coat drive. No no no no no! If you did that, people would be talking about you for a long time and not in a good way. Just because the venue frequently holds charity functions does not mean it's accesptable to incorporate a charity drive in your tiered reception.

I agree with the other poster who suggested you take your own money and any other money you may receive as weddings gifts and buy the winter items yourself. But please, do not mention it to anybody.

Corgnilias · August 2012

I only read the first few replies, which were pretty traditional, and I get that. But not everyone is traditional and you seem like a think-outside-the-box type person. I ge the culture clash with Mormon and non Mormon, and I think what you are doing is okay, but if and only if there is no mention to these guests of you being registered anywhere. They should not feel obligated to buy a girpft and donate. But if you word it very gently, such as in lieu of gifts thise who wish to may contribute a donation of warm clothes for x chartity. I'm not great at wording stuff, but something like that.

cynthia0h87 · August 2012

I don't see an issue with wanting to have a warm clothing drive at your reception(s). Some guest may be put off by it, (as some replies suggest) so I would some how incorporate it into your registry section. Such as:
"We are registered at Target and Kohl's. Donations in the form of a warm clothing to {blank charity] would also be appreciated."
Nice compromise?

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

Cynthia..this is the etiquette board. There's not really a compromise between what's proper and what's not.

pearlaqua · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legitimate-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ec0b5b8-d7ce-4687-8183-3a6091be0288Post:a53ffa2a-de68-4c98-b780-3fb2ed66518b">Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I was just trying to get wording ideas for the flyer.
Posted by diabride[/QUOTE]

Hello! Mormon connosieur here (including having attended dozens of Mormon weddings) and what you are doing (Splitting up the day) is VERY common in Mormondom but for very different reasons (only devout Mormons enter Temples, thus very few people can actually see the wedding ceremony). Mormons split up the day many times into the ceremony at the Temple, a ring ceremony after (everyone invited) and a reception (everyone invited and properly hosted).

If I've read correctly, you want to have small ceremony and small reception (totally fine, etiquettewise) followed by a massive party without his family (what the...).

You're kind of taking that tradition of splitting up the day and making it seem like the party and not the marriage is the special and "you" part of the day. Have a roller derby reception or whatnot, his family loves him and isn't going to freak out that there are people at your reception drinking. Hello, they live in the world and probably can handle others drinking around them.

Just don't make Mormons your scapegoat for having a tiered reception.

(I'm not even going to go into the fundraising, that's been suffieciently addressed.)

pearlaqua · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legitimate-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3ec0b5b8-d7ce-4687-8183-3a6091be0288Post:100fc3a4-662e-41c4-b16f-bde4a36384cd">Re: Legitimate Etiquette Question</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having it the same night because it is Halloween weekend and Dia de los Muertos which is huge where we live and is a pretty big event within our group of friends. Our friends realize that our space is limited in regards to the ceremony. <strong>It isn't a big deal to them that they aren't at a ceremony or a reception. </strong> We all just wanted to come together and celebrate love and life.
Posted by diabride[/QUOTE]

It's still rude. ESPECIALLY because it's the Day Of.

Also: Dia De Los Muertos isn't a big deal to Mexicans on the whole, nevermind Mormons. Not sure if OP is part of a very Catholic-infused syncretising Mexican Mormon crew of people so I may be wrong...

Britt0412 · August 2012

Wow. I don't consider snark and unnecessary rudeness (surely to be defended as "blunt honesty") to be proper at all. And I'm not talking about the OP.

karbar42 · August 2012

Maybe OP you are thinking of how sometimes in lieu of a favor, a couple makes a donation to a charity. You could do this, and then register for the items you want donated (blankets, etc) at say Target. Then any gifts/money you get you can donate to the charity. This way everyone wins.... You don't insult guests, but you still get donations to a good cause from your reception.

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