How involved is your groom?

beautifulmama28 · February 2013

Ok ladies...on a scale of 1-10...

10 being Randy on SYTTD

1 being he'd rather get a root canal than talk wedding plans/details...

I'm just curious because my FI isn't really into all this LOL, kinda bummed!

[Deleted User] · February 2013

I would say my FI is an 8 out of 10. He picked the venue, the type of food that we'd have, along with liquor, music, invitations and escort cards (generally all paper goods) and his and the GMs tuxedo style. The only things he doesn't have a hand in is the flowers and my dress. He is very involved and it's been a great lesson in compromising with each other.

warpedredpenguin · February 2013

H was probably about a 4 or 5. He took care of a lot of things I asked him to do, but never researched or contacted anyone without me asking him to, and even if he volunteered to do something, I had to stay on him about it so it would actually get done, or had to take care of it myself because he's a procrastinator and I hate being a nag. But he did make our card box and bought the liquor through a wholesaler on his own.

Summer2011Bride · February 2013

H was probably an 8. He was genuinely interested in helping plan almost everything and went to 90% of vendor meetings with me. He told me up front he had no interest in meeting the florist or talking flowers for two hours, so that one I did on my own.

mpickl · February 2013

Another 8ish here. He's in the hospitality industry so he has been to a LOT of weddings. He's been very helpful!

Belthil · February 2013

I'd say my FI is about a 8, a pleasant surprise. He knew which photographer he wanted to use before he proposed and together we've picked the venues, food, invitations....so far there's only been 2 things he doesn't care about the flowers and what us girls are wearing.

It's been really helpful because he lives where the wedding is going to take place while I live a 16 hour drive away. Plus, I'm only able to get home every 4-6 weeks due to school so a lot of the responsibility has fallen to him.

miranda holly · February 2013

Funny, if you ask him, he's a 2!! If you ask me, he's a 7 or 8!! When he proposed, his first sentence was "will you marry me", and his second sentence was "you have a lot of planning to do!".

That night, he was on his computer, researching venues. The next day he had emailed venues and photographers!! I told him to back off because I had no idea what he was doing! We agreed he had no interest in flowers, WP, my attire. He did care about food, alcohol and venue. He has a "to-do" list on the fridge of 10 items, and slowly checks them off. I have multiple lists of multiple things... and it works!! When I decide something, I run it by him, and he says yes, no, I don't care, whatever you want. It works now!

beautifulmama28 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:f5280e44-b07a-4a40-977c-a272fb6ce903">Re: How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI is probably an 8. He was the one who wanted a big wedding back home, whereas I wanted something much smaller on a beach. He won that argument, though our guest list was cut somewhat. He was very interested in our color scheme, too (the scheme couldn't remind him of any sports team he "didn't like", he said). Other things he's cared a lot about include pre-marital counseling, hotel blocks, honeymoon, our venues, and our tastings. He could care less about flowers, invitations/paper products, or the color shade that my bridesmaids picked for their dresses. He's been a lot more interested than I thought he would, and has actually taken a lot of initiative in planning.
Posted by smp87[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>lol about the color scheme and sports theme, thats hilarious!</div>

beautifulmama28 · February 2013

ok, so it def depends on the guy I see.

I was starting to get a little b*tt hurt over the fact that FI really wasn't being a super active participant, and then I started to wonder..is it that he doesn't care or is it that its not his thing? lol

My guy really is a guys guy,....he hunts, hes into racing, sports, etc, he does have an extremely sensative side to him, and has even raised a daughter so I figured he would be a bit more involved.

I would say my guy is somewhere between a 3-5 depending on what is being discussed, kind of similar to what some of you have said.

He will give his opinion if asked about venue (and we actually changed the venue several times because what he wanted and what our pockets say we can have did NOT match lol)

, food, and what he is wearing...

but I'm doing it all, with the exception of he did get the reception number for me, he did discuss guest list, and he will do his attire/GM attire (hasn't been done yet lol)

tlc35 · February 2013

He is about a 3. I am trying to get him to go to the tux store with me and I have not yet been successful. He cares about music and the honeymoon

Sierra524 · February 2013

My FI is probably like a 5. He does things I ask him to do (even tho sometimes I have to ask him more than once) but he doesnt go out of his way to do things on his own. OP-if you want his help, just ask him.

Jager1219 · February 2013

I'd say it's a 4 by his choice. He had input on many things, but most of it though was him saying so & so did this and I didn't like it. So not so much things he wanted, just things he knew he didn't want. However, we've had a lot of family drama from his family through this wedding planning which I give him a 10 for. He was wonderful throughout all that.

B2Z728 · February 2013

I think H was about a 7. He cared the most about a great tasting cake, really good food at the reception, and picking out the tuxes for himself and his groomsmen - and having his attire choices be a secret till our wedding day. Everything else was mostly up to me. He'd give input if I asked him, but he mostly didn't care either way and just wanted me to be happy with the choices.

He was a huge help with figuring out the seating chart though and it was greatly appreciated because by that point I was getting stressed about other wedding related things so it was helpful to have him help take some stress of me.

beautifulmama28 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:a9e36042-7701-4c41-892e-45b63b14c0c8">Re: How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI is probably like a 5. He does things I ask him to do (even tho sometimes I have to ask him more than once) but he doesnt go out of his way to do things on his own. OP-if you want his help, just ask him.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>LOL good advice...problem is im not that kinda girl haha...thats one of my issues, i dont ever like to ask for help. And honestly I can do most of it, its more his enthusiasm level, if that makes sense. Honestly if it were up to him we would just elope lol</div>

Maggie0829 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:e33673c6-5e5f-4608-9891-8bf70227a36e">Re: How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How involved is your groom? : LOL good advice...problem is im not that kinda girl haha...thats one of my issues, i dont ever like to ask for help. And honestly I can do most of it, its more his enthusiasm level, if that makes sense. Honestly if it were up to him we would just elope lol
Posted by beautifulmama28[/QUOTE]

Right now it is all about colors and flowers and tiny details. If he isn't into all of that then of course his enthusiasim level will be low. It would be like me asking my H to come shoe shopping. He hates any kind of shopping so he certainly wouldn't be jumping up and down clapping his hands. He would groan and complain and find anyway out of it that he could. Same went with any wedding details that didn't interest him. I made sure that when it came time to picking a venue and deciding on the food and booze that he was involved because that is what he cared about. Everything else, I would talk to him about it just so he knew what was going on but he really didn't care what I decided.

Trust me though, that when the wedding day rolls around he will be uber excited for it.

Sierra524 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:e33673c6-5e5f-4608-9891-8bf70227a36e">Re: How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How involved is your groom? : LOL good advice...problem is im not that kinda girl haha...thats one of my issues, i dont ever like to ask for help. And honestly I can do most of it, its more his enthusiasm level, if that makes sense. Honestly if it were up to him we would just elope lol
Posted by beautifulmama28[/QUOTE]

Dont feel like you cant ask him for help. A wedding is a huge thing, and if you cant plan it alone, thats okay. Besides, its his wedding also, so he should help with some things. I agree with what Maggie says...right now, its all about the details that he could care less about. Get him involved in the bigger things..the venue, the cake, the booze, the food, tuxes.

JennaMichelle88 · February 2013

Mine is about a 5. He is willing to do anything I ask him, but doesn't initiate anything, which is fine because I'm all over it. The other thing is he is SUPER busy at work - like at work from 7 am to 8 pm on a regular basis - so I try not to ask him to do too much.

I gave him a choice between 5 STDs and he was pretty adamant about one, then once I ordered it and it came he didn't like it. So there's that.

beautifulmama28 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:c8a7ef98-966d-4d19-a8d4-51f83c666856">Re: How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How involved is your groom? : Right now it is all about colors and flowers and tiny details. If he isn't into all of that then of course his enthusiasim level will be low. It would be like me asking my H to come shoe shopping. He hates any kind of shopping so he certainly wouldn't be jumping up and down clapping his hands. He would groan and complain and find anyway out of it that he could. Same went with any wedding details that didn't interest him. I made sure that when it came time to picking a venue and deciding on the food and booze that he was involved because that is what he cared about. Everything else, I would talk to him about it just so he knew what was going on but he really didn't care what I decided. Trust me though, that when the wedding day rolls around he will be uber excited for it.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div> ok!! i can live with that lol ...and it makes sense, I mean lets face it,, most guys could care less about deciding between melon orange or peach colored flowers, am I right? lol</div><div>Thanks for the response, def makes sense ;)</div>

erinlin25 · February 2013

I'll say average he is a 6; I do the majority of the research and them is totally helpful when we need to narrow things down. Unless I ask him for something he rarely plans things on his own, but sometimes he surprises me! He's been all about the bachelor/bachelorette party (we are doing a joint one and his brother and sister-in-law are coordinating it so asked for input). He looked at 3 venues with me; went to the photography appointment and the menu tasting so far. He was all about finding a band, but when we saw how pricey they were agreed to go with a DJ my mom and I met at a bridal faire. He's been into picking the men's attire and finally has showed interest in a honeymoon location (we have to delay it for business reasons). He wanted to go dress shopping with me (that surprised me!) but I do not want to see the dress until I walk down the aisle. Only thing left for him to go to is cake tasting, but has no interest in the design of the cake. I'll spare him on flowers, centerpeices, etc!!

nmsterni914 · February 2013

I'd definitely have to put mine right in the middle at a 5. Sometimes he's great and other times he'd rather play on his phone than have anything to do with it. Hes been really great about going to see the vendors and giving his opinion though I've been getting mixed signals from him about whether he likes them. (He never thought he'd get married at all and despite the fact our wedding is pretty small, he considers it a big wedding because its not in a courtroom). Hes been quite difficult in getting him to talk to his mom to nail down a final guest list to make sure there isnt anyone we missed, since I talked to his sister about who we have so far. He was great about invitations (he picked them out) and hes taking care of the dj since hes a big music buff. Hopefully he gets better as the date gets closer!!

fperez7542 · February 2013

I want to say M is about an 8...I honestly thought all the planning was going to be me and only me, but he sure did surprise me. He didn't agree on my first color scheme, he decided on his color tux, we picked the venue together, and of course he had something to say about our cake. Not to mention the photographer. Much more involved than I ever imagined lol

lifeonthehill · February 2013

My FI is hard to guage. We dont live together nor do we live near eachother. He has been little help overall but when he is around he comes through at a 9. However when we are apart which is 75% of the time he is a 2. He wont discuss anything over the phone and if its not in front of him he really doesn't care.

RailWayWife · February 2013

I would say my FI is about a 7. (I would also rate myself a7) He helped register, went to the florist meeting, picked and ordered the cake topper, is making our donut tower stand, picked the venue, did the food tasting. But when it comes to details or keeping things on track he falls off the bandwagon a bit. And as far as planning the honeymoon, applying for visas, getting vacinations, invitations, guest lists he couldnt be bothered, Which is 100% fair and goes both ways, I didnt care what our cake topper looked like so he did that.

robandchrystal · February 2013

He wants to help pick out the food and make sure there is a ton of alcohol... That's about as involved as he it getting! And suggest we get a cake at his favorite bakery...

MrsH86 · February 2013

Mine is probably a 9, and I am very grateful because my family lives very far away and my girl friends arent always available. He has helped me pick out everything and he is the one who found our venue! He even helped me pick out my dress (I know its not traditional, but I value his opinion). The only thing he doesn't care about is flowers! lol

coopsadaisy · February 2013

<div>My groom is super involved! Probably an 8. It seems as if his expetation is "We're in this together!" and every time I would talk about how I get to plan our wedding, he would correct me to say "WE get to plan our wedding." He has lots of opinions, but he doesn't get a 10/10 because there are some things he just doesn't care about (the cake toopper? Whatever. Colors? I'm the graphic designer, he's just an engineer. He doesn't care <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />) But I'm thankful for that, too. There are some decisions I just want to make by myself!</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:4cc9515f-eed1-435b-94db-18e27d1817f3">How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok ladies...on a scale of 1-10... 10 being Randy on SYTTD 1 being he'd rather get a root canal than talk wedding plans/details... I'm just curious because my FI isn't really into all this LOL, kinda bummed!
Posted by beautifulmama28[/QUOTE]

mmccolpin · February 2013

10/10...it's amazing to me. Had no idea he had it in him

RM1982 · February 2013

He's pretty into it! And I like to tease him because his outfit is actually going to end up costing more than mine. His wedding ring too!

Luckily, we're very much on the same page with everything.

He even came up with a fantastic idea for favors, when I was thinking we might not do them because I've never been to a wedding where the favors were something I'd want to keep!

faile556 · February 2013

After reading all those response, you ladies are LUCKY!

Mine is a 2, maybe a 3... if he's in the mood. He'll help when directed to do so explicilty otherwise, it's like getting blood out of turnip.

Daizy106 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-involved-is-your-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a717c442-bce2-4989-853b-ca7f6e1b7bbePost:07656b24-525c-4cb8-9051-eb2ff4a78ec1">Re: How involved is your groom?</a>:
[QUOTE]ok, so it def depends on the guy I see. I was starting to get a little b*tt hurt over the fact that FI really wasn't being a super active participant, and then I started to wonder..is it that he doesn't care or is it that its not his thing? lol My guy really is a guys guy,....he hunts, hes into racing, sports, etc, he does have an extremely sensative side to him, and has even raised a daughter so I figured he would be a bit more involved. I would say my guy is somewhere between a 3-5 depending on what is being discussed, kind of similar to what some of you have said. He will give his opinion if asked about venue (and we actually changed the venue several times because what he wanted and what our pockets say we can have did NOT match lol) , food, and what he is wearing... but I'm doing it all, with the exception of he did get the reception number for me, he did discuss guest list, and he will do his attire/GM attire (hasn't been done yet lol)
Posted by beautifulmama28[/QUOTE]

Don't be bothered. its just not his thing. LoL. When we started planning our wedding my fiance told me that he wants a say in the food, DJ, and limo. Everything else I can pick. He said of course if you need my help I'll be there but he specifically said I don't care about invitations, or the centerpieces, favors, just show me what you like and I'm sure it will be fine. If you fiance was like Randy on SYTTD-I'd be a little worried for you!
Good luck!!! and congrats!

MRWykes · February 2013

Mine is a 6 out of 10. If I ask him to do something he does it. He had no opinion about the venue, colors, music, food or flowers. He did have an opinion about the cake! I thought he had little interest until we started talking about the honeymoon and the travel arrangements for the wedding (our wedding is taking place in another state). He planned the whole honeymoon and made all of our travel arrangements. He also made spread sheets with guest list information, a thank you card manager and has detailed statistics about our guests...not really necessary but he seems to be enjoying it.

How involved is your groom?

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