Catholic Gap??

Resa77 · July 2012

So I guess it comes down to whether you live in an area with flexible venues or inflexible venues, since we all know churches aren't really flexible! Not one of the many venues I looked at had set times, so I guess I just take that for granted.

bibliophile2010 · July 2012

Around here, most of the hotels have the 12-5 or 6-11 thing (or similar). Several other places (museums and such) don't let you start at all until 5 or so. However, there are lots of reception halls/wedding venues that only do one event per day and you can choose the 5-hour block that you want (or pay for extra).

As for starting late, we didn't plan on it, but we took the possibility into account as we were making plans (I've been in too many weddings where the bride was just plain running late for one reason or another). Ditto for mass running long. When all was said and done, we started about 5 minutes late and mass ran an hour and ten minutes, so the ceremony ended, as predicted, about 3:15.

lalaith50 · July 2012

[QUOTE]<em>And we don't plan on starting on time. Start Mass at 2:20 </em><div>why would you purposely start your wedding 20 minutes late? that's kind of rude.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]</div><div>
It's a way of punishing the *polite* guests who arrive on time and early, and awarding the *rude* people who arrive late.</div><div>Yup, makes <em>perfect</em> sense to me...</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: it's one more way for the bride to enforce the idea that she is the center of the universe for one day, since God FORBID someone else have the <em>audacity</em> to walk into the church anywhere near the same time as she does...</div>

Resa77 · July 2012

Lalaith, I feel the same way. I HAAAAAATE when things like meetings, rehearsals, etc., don't start on time because they insist on waiting for late people, and then they expect me to stay late. I'm busy, and yet I make it a point to be on time/early. But because I'm busy, I really don't have time to wait around for everyone else.

TeaForMe · July 2012

We also did a Friday evening wedding so didn't have to deal with the possibility of a gap. Partly because we liked the date, mostly because it was a little cheaper for vendors for a Friday. And because almost all of our guests were local, we figured it was a viable option since no one would have to take time off to travel to get here by Friday (save a couple close family members from out of town who would have been here early anyway).

We both hate waiting around for things to start so I think we would've done whatever we could to avoid a gap. I've only been to one wedding in recent memory with a gap and that was an episcopalian wedding. I just remember it was super hot that day and the church was not air conditioned. So I was already annoyed about the whole thing. Such a cheerful memory, I know

And as far as starting on time, I'm pretty sure our priest started us down the aisle before it was even our start time!

professorscience · July 2012

I mean, from a practical standpoint, people coming in late (especially like, during the processionals) is just kind of distracting. I doubt EJ meant anything by her comment.

Fun late-arrival story: When H and I made it to the reception site, most of the escort cards had been picked up, leaving only the WP and the no-shows. So we were looking at them to see who wasn't there (some people had told us they weren't going to make it, but we'd made cards for them just in case). We were sad to note that some good couple-friends of ours hadn't picked up their card and apparently hadn't made it. Then, around 6:30 that evening, I see said couple come rushing into the reception hall. I was so excited to see them that I grabbed H and rushed over to say hello. At that point they sheepishly admitted that they had thought our wedding was at 6. So they had shown up at 5:45, and actually had thought the evening mass WAS our wedding, until they realized there was no one but the priest and altar servers at the altar. Oops.

They are getting married in a couple weeks and I've been joking that I'm going to show up super late.

lalaith50 · July 2012

^ 5 minutes I can understand. But after 20 minutes people are fidgeting and getting really annoyed.

Calypso1977 · July 2012

especially for families wiht children - asking them to sit there another 20 extra minutes is just mind blowing.

people did show up late to my wedding, but it was hardly noticeable.

ellen73 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-gap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:0783fa2a-76c1-4efd-81cd-da87b3ee13f0Post:00979d3b-76e0-4fb4-9e13-603eb7d512a2">Re: Catholic Gap??</a>:
[QUOTE]i think its a more modern day thing. catholic weddings were typically always held in the morning. the idea of an evening reception is what has prompted this issue of a gap. ive lived in new england my entire life, and the boston area for 10 of those years and ive never been to a gap wedding of any denomination anywhere. it was totally foreign to me when i came to the Knot.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I don't think it's that "modern." My parents got married in 1960 and had a gap. Mass in the morning, brunch for bridal party & immediate family following, evening reception. That was the norm for their family & friends as well.

I have only been to 2 Saturday, Catholic weddings that didn't have a gap. Both had afternoon receptions. The rest have at least had 3-4 hours, usually with the bride's parents hosting refreshments at their house or a location near the reception, or the church hall, or an extended cocktail hour at the reception site.

ellen73 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-gap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:0783fa2a-76c1-4efd-81cd-da87b3ee13f0Post:039a68cc-1a38-499f-9142-02c38ae92cf8">Re: Catholic Gap??</a>:
[QUOTE]^ 5 minutes I can understand. But after 20 minutes people are fidgeting and getting really annoyed.
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

One of my good friend's weddings started about 30 min late- but not on purpose. The transportation for her husband to be & the groomsmen brokedown. Twice. The first time the doors didn't open. The second time, the limobus actually broke down on the highway. They were stranded for a while.

Everyone at the wedding thought it was great- they just extended the prelude music. Everyone was there, no one rushing in at the end, it turned out fine! The small kids that were in attendance were all well behaved.

My friend, however, thought her husband to be had cold feet when she realized what time it was!

caitriona87 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-gap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:0783fa2a-76c1-4efd-81cd-da87b3ee13f0Post:468cec90-97ce-40b5-84c8-7bebe7da9e0b">Re: Catholic Gap??</a>:
[QUOTE]especially for families wiht children - asking them to sit there another 20 extra minutes is just mind blowing. people did show up late to my wedding, but it was hardly noticeable.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

We started on time and wouldn't have minded general lateness, but DH's grandparents, uncle, & cousins (one of whom was supposed to be an usher) strolled in like 30 min late. That was annoying.

ElisabethJoanne · July 2012

Well, call it my region's version of the Catholic gap. We don't have a gap between the Mass and the reception. We do always start late. 15 minutes is the minimum IME.

I will consider the comments here. I totally get that just because a cash bar is "OK" in your region, it's not actually OK. But the cash bar thing is giving guests something v. making them pay. This could be embarassing them v. going with the flow.

Or, maybe it's like one wedding I heard about where the bride's family was all "It ended too early" and the groom's was all "It went too late." For all the people who would complain, "We had to listen to that concert organ play Bach for an extra 20 minutes" just as many would complain "Parking was a mess! Who ever heard of a wedding starting on time?"

I will consider the comments here.

hoffse · July 2012

EJ, if you have family/friends that are chronically late (like I know I do), I can see how it might be a concern. FI and I's solution to that is to do about 30 minute of prelude music, and write on the invitation "Prelude music begins at two o'clock; Nuptial mass begins at half after two o'clock." The ones who are on time tend to read the details. The ones who are late tend to read the first line and never past that. We'll see if it works, but it's the best we could come up with, because neither of us likes things to be late.

ElisabethJoanne · July 2012

Thank you, but the printer called a few minutes ago. Our invitations are ready.

The issue is not chronically late people. It's local custom. Ignoring that custom could embarass some well-meaning guests while it could annoy other honored guests. (I guess that means the guests aren't chronically late, they're just consistently late to weddings. Or they expect to sit through a bunch of prelude music at every wedding.) I haven't had a chance to seriously "consider the comments here," but I think the early-bird guests are those most likely to just enjoy the organ and least likely to complain/be annoyed.

Jasmine&Rajah · July 2012

We purposely booked a reception site that only held one wedding a day so that we could avoid any kind of gap following the Mass. My parents, who hosted, stated their preference for this and it was definitely what DH and I wanted as well.

(Granted, I had to give up my original "dream reception location," because it only offered those pesky "set" start times, and could not work with us - but it was worth it. We found a wonderful location that gave us "the run of the place" and a beautiful reception. If you don't want a gap, ladies, you CAN find a site that works for you!) :-)

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