1. My FH proposed to me on December 30, 2008 after dating for a year, and knowing each other for 2. We don't live together, however, we either stay at my house or his house every night. He's my best friend and my biggest supporter, but there is a few things that REALLY bother me.
2. His mother had him very young, at 18. She married his dad at 18 as well, and they have been happily married for 22 years now. His mom had taken me in and made me feel like part of the family. We went shopping, have gone to get our nails done, text messaged me daily etc, I figured all was well, and she treated me so sweetly, even telling people how much she loved me.It made me feel wonderful!!
3. Flash forward to December 30th, after the proposal that she knew was going to happen (he told her 2 months prior that he was going to do it). We set a date for May 22, 2010, start looking at venues and my family invites everyone to our engagement party.
4.I invite his mom to go to a local bridal show with me and she gives me an excuse as to why she can't go. That's fine, I understand, things happen, no biggie. One night when I was in night class in February, my FH text me and told me that we needed to talk.So we talk. What about? His mother tells him that he's not getting married with a year of school left. (He's 22, I'm 20. For the May 22nd wedding, he would be 23).and insists that we don't want to be broke and such. After pouting for a little bit about having to push the wedding back, I agreed that it would be better to wait until one of us gets out of school.
5. In October this year, I go to his family reunion, and am bombarded by questions, like "when did you get engaged? When is the date set for?" His mother chimes in and says, "OH, it will be a VERY LONG engagement because I'm not going to let my son throw away his college years and get married so young like I did, and your kids did," WOW, talk about a slap in the face from someone that acted like my best friend. I saw on facebook that my FH had accepted his mom's boss' friend request (they pay for his school). and she commented, "Engaged? Your mom never told me this!! When did this happen?" Also, his mom has been talking to his ex on facebook. I know this is an informal was of communication, but supposedly his mom "hated this girl with a passion because of the way she treated his son by cheating on him and being disrespectful to the entire family." So why would she be talking to this girl? I try not to let it bother me, but that also feels like a slap in the face. I feel like she is ashamed that her son is engaged to me.
6. Months pass without setting a new date. His graduation will be May 2011, and mine will be December 2011, so I suggest a late May date, exactly a year past what it originally was. He says "we will discuss it towards the end of the year." Guess what? It's the end of the year. I'm tired of waiting. I would love to know when I can expect to walk down the aisle.
He says he can't wait to marry me, but I know his mother's opinion is harboring him.He's 23 today for crying out loud. He's a grown man, and we make decent money, and will both have college degrees within the next year/year in a half around the time a potential date could be set.
It just hurts to spend so much time with someone you love so much, and put so much in, but he won't give an exact date on what's good for him. It also makes me feel so low on the actions his mother has shown towards me in the past several months, as I have shown her nothing but kindness and respect. I KNOW she controls him, they talk 15 times a day on the phone, and she can't seem to cut the cord. I tell him that this whole ordeal about the things she has done to humiliate me, and he says, don't worry, she likes you and accepts you. But guess what, I don't feel that reciprocated. I feel like I will always be last pick to his mother. Even though he assures me that he loves me and can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me, I feel like the cord will never be cut, and that I will end up marrying his mom as well.
I know she doesn't want him to make the same mistakes that she did, but I'm not 18, neither is he, we almost have our degrees, have decent financial stability, and I'm NOT getting married because I'm pregnant. We're totally opposites, so why does she think that marrying me would make him "throw away his life?" She told me I was the best for him before our engagement...wtf...