Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?

JennaJ1026 · February 2012

I have been scouring message boards and etiquette sites to find the answer to my question. I am getting married in a little more than 2 months and am struggling with the decision to kick a bridesmaid out of my bridal party.

The story: I got engaged last May and asked my friend, who I have known for 3 years and can be a bit sensitive (mildly stated), to be a bridesmaid. At that point in time, she and I had a good relationship and I was happy that she was involved. However, I knew that she could be emotional sometimes.

Fast forward a few months: She has become someone completely different. She makes catty comments about me, my other bridesmaids/friends, and my fiance to my face and behind my back. She then complains that she feels left out of our group of friends, gets drunk/high (pot, no hard stuff), then corners me to yell at me about it. I can basically count on not having a good time if she is coming to a social event because I know she will start out fine, then drink/smoke, and start asking me about why no one likes her. She has NO insight into her behavior and how mean she comes across to others i.e. she showed up to my fiance's birthday party and said, in front of everyone, she would not sing happy birthday to him because she had already sang it the weekend before. On top of multiple other things she has done, she does not know why he doesn't like her any more. My other bridesmaids, who used to be friends with her, do not like her and I am worried about how they will get along.

This has gotten to the point where I had to sit her down a few months ago and ask her if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid and work on our friendship. She said she did and I agreed to try harder too, but things have kept going downhill. She has not bothered with any of the bridal party stuff such as the bachelorette party, wedding dress fittings, or bridal shower. It seems like it is a burden to her rather than something she is looking forward to. I am afraid she will "feel left out" during our bridesmaid activities and then ruin it by doing what she does best, getting drunk and telling me how unhappy she is. I have tried to make her feel more included, but now it doesn't feel natural because I genuinely don't have much regard for her any more. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

Viczaesar · February 2012

You should decide if you're ready to end the friendship or not. If not, there is nothing to do. If you're ready to end the friendship, end the friendship and her involvement in the wedding will end as a result.

Regarding the bachelorette party, wedding dress fittings, or bridal shower - she has absolutely no need to do any of those things, and not doing them in no way makes her a bad bridesmaid. There's no reason for her to look forward to them, nor should they be a burden for her. They're the kind of thing where if she wants to attend or help plan then she can do so, and if she doesn't want to, fine as well. It's not a burden either way, it's a choice for her, and neither choice is "wrong" or "right."

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?:
[QUOTE]I have been scouring message boards and etiquette sites to find the answer to my question. I am getting married in a little more than 2 months and am struggling with the decision to kick a bridesmaid out of my bridal party. The story: I got engaged last May and asked my friend, who I have known for 3 years and can be a bit sensitive (mildly stated), to be a bridesmaid. At that point in time, she and I had a good relationship and I was happy that she was involved. However, I knew that she could be emotional sometimes. Fast forward a few months: She has become someone completely different. She makes catty comments about me, my other bridesmaids/friends, and my fiance to my face and behind my back. She then complains that she feels left out of our group of friends, gets drunk/high (pot, no hard stuff), then corners me to yell at me about it. I can basically count on not having a good time if she is coming to a social event because I know she will start out fine, then drink/smoke, and start asking me about why no one likes her. She has NO insight into her behavior and how mean she comes across to others i.e. she showed up to my fiance's birthday party and said, in front of everyone, she would not sing happy birthday to him because she had already sang it the weekend before. On top of multiple other things she has done, she does not know why he doesn't like her any more. My other bridesmaids, who used to be friends with her, do not like her and I am worried about how they will get along. This has gotten to the point where I had to sit her down a few months ago and ask her if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid and work on our friendship. She said she did and I agreed to try harder too, but things have kept going downhill. She has not bothered with any of the bridal party stuff such as the bachelorette party, wedding dress fittings, or bridal shower. It seems like it is a burden to her rather than something she is looking forward to. I am afraid she will "feel left out" during our bridesmaid activities and then ruin it by doing what she does best, getting drunk and telling me how unhappy she is. I have tried to make her feel more included, but now it doesn't feel natural because I genuinely don't have much regard for her any more. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
Posted by JennaJ1026[/QUOTE]
Also - really? You didn't find an answer to this question by scouring the website? Really? We answer these sorts of questions all the time.

JennaJ1026 · February 2012

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I have found questions similar to mine, but have not found a situation that was the same as mine. I decided it would be helpful to ask the community to see what they thought. Also, I realize that a bridesmaid does not HAVE to attend/plan parties. I just want someone who is going to be happy to be by my side on my wedding day and wants the best for me.

JennaJ1026 · February 2012

You know it is very interesting the types of responses I have gotten so far to this question. I was looking for support and guidance, however, I see that I have been misunderstood based on my, apparently, being "asinine". From now on, ladies, please try to read what you write and think if you should even be answering a bride's post if you can't put yourself in her shoes.

HappiestBride88 · February 2012

Hi JennaJ1026,

I think the ultimate question comes down to whether or not you think she will be so disruptive to the ceremony that she would be required to be removed. Nobody on here knows the situation going on in both of your lives except for you, so it really comes down to what you think needs to be done!

As for all of the people who have been responding in a not-so-positive way and have posted on these forums waaaaayyyyy too much (aka 800+ posts and a preposterous 11k+) there is a term for what you are doing with your lives on the internet and it is called trolling. There actually is something out there called constructive criticism, learn to use it or else you will keep waking up and looking in the mirror at this face:

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:96fafb7b-d5b0-4d62-ad39-73427dd5e056">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]You know it is very interesting the types of responses I have gotten so far to this question. I was looking for support and guidance, however, I see that I have been misunderstood based on my, apparently, being "asinine". From now on, ladies, please try to read what you write and think if you should even be answering a bride's post if you can't put yourself in her shoes.
Posted by JennaJ1026[/QUOTE]
Or in other words, "You aren't validating me properly, biitches! Don't you know that I'm a special snowflake???"

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:ed32715c-8072-4c88-858e-7e8f17a694cb">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi JennaJ1026, I think the ultimate question comes down to whether or not you think she will be so disruptive to the ceremony that she would be required to be removed. Nobody on here knows the situation going on in both of your lives except for you, so it really comes down to what you think needs to be done! As for all of the people who have been responding in a not-so-positive way and have posted on these forums waaaaayyyyy too much (aka 800+ posts and a preposterous 11k+) there is a term for what you are doing with your lives on the internet and it is called trolling. There actually is something out there called constructive criticism, learn to use it or else you will keep waking up and looking in the mirror at this face:
Posted by HappiestBride88[/QUOTE]
Note to HappiestBride: look up the actual definition of trolling, and then get off high horse before you get a nosebleed.

Meghannsix · February 2012

Grr, I have not been around that long, or posted as much as some of the other ladies, and even I'm tired of these posts.

If the friendship is over, then end it, and she'll be out of your life, and your wedding. Maybe approach her as a friend, not a bride, and spend some time catching up. She always wants to know why people don't like her, so give her an answer. It sounds like you have nothing to lose and everything to gain at this point.

em01092 · February 2012

No one was rude to you. People here just don't validate bad ideas and want to make sure you understand that kicking out a BM is a friendship ending move.

If these replies hurt your feelings, you have seen nothing. Maybe you should try WeddingBee. They are more sunshine and puppies over there, but they often will just validate bad ideas that can possibly make you look bad or approve tacky ideas that will have people talking about you, and plus you don't get an honest, unbiased perspective.

We're just people on the internet who are giving you our opinions. You're going to do whatever you want to do, ultimately, but you asked for our opinions. Sorry you didn't like them.

Maggie0829 · February 2012

OP - you have a friend problem not a bridesmaid problem. You need to keep your wedding out of this and work on the friendship. I know you said that you have but you kept involving the wedding...when you sat her down the first time there was absolutely no need to ask if she still wanted to be a BM...that has nothing to do with the situation at hand. What you need to ask yourself is if you are done trying to be a friend to her...if the answer is yes then by all means kick her out because that is a friendship ending move, but if you still want her as a friend then you need to forget about the wedding and just work on your relationship with her as a friend NOT a BM.

JennaJ1026 · February 2012

For everyone that gave me genuine responses that weren't feeling the need to unleash some prewedding stress on a stranger, thank you. Yes, it is more of a problem with our friendship. Obviously she is a friend before a bridesmaid and I just wanted some feedback. Again, thank you for your thoughts and I really don't think I need any more because everyone is saying the same thing at this point. And vic... whatever the rest of your name is, take a jog or something to ease your period cramps because there is something wrong with being that rude to someone you don't even know. Happy posting, Vic (because like Happiestbride said, you sure have a lot of opinions to share)!

OBX2011 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:aed0eb8d-e632-40b0-bbf5-e4b73029fa5e">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]For everyone that gave me genuine responses that weren't feeling the need to unleash some prewedding stress on a stranger, thank you. Yes, it is more of a problem with our friendship. Obviously she is a friend before a bridesmaid and I just wanted some feedback. Again, thank you for your thoughts and I really don't think I need any more because everyone is saying the same thing at this point. <strong>And vic... whatever the rest of your name is, <u>take a jog or something to ease your period cramps</u> because there is something wrong with <em>being that rude to someone you don't even know</em>.</strong> Happy posting, Vic (because like Happiestbride said, you sure have a lot of opinions to share)!
Posted by JennaJ1026[/QUOTE]

Pot meet Kettle :)

Please, head to the Wedding Party board and feel free to read endless posts on kicking out a member of your WP. You will see the answer is the same over and over and over and yes, over again. Doesn't matter "how unique" you think your situation is or "but wait, MY drama is different though" type of posts. The answer is always the same.

Work on your friendship. Period.

MairePoppy · February 2012

What you are describing is a substance abuse problem. Even if she stays away from the hard stuff, and even if she only does it on weekends, drinking beer and smoking pot changes her personality. I think you should be an honest friend and tell her that no one likes her because she becomes verbally abusive when she is using whatever. Suggest she get some counseling and attend AA meetings. Do I think she will take your advice? Probably not. But you will have been honest with her. If you no longer want to be friends with her, tell her why.

Now the other issue. Once you post a question or opinion on these boards, any community member may respond. You don't get to shut down a thread or censor the other posters. They will respond honestly. Retread didn't call you asinine, she said the phrase 'asking her to step down' was an asinine euphemism for 'kicking her out' of the wedding. She's telling you the truth, without sugar coating it. You can take the advice offered or leave it. It's up to you. But now, at least, you will have some objective opinions to help you with your decision.

graysquirrel · February 2012

I agree with Maggie that this a friendship problem and shouldn't have to do with your wedding. If you feel that she has been treating you inappropriately, have another talk with her. Tell her how it makes you feel when she says those things, abuses drugs, and treats people badly. Don't make it about your wedding because it doesn't have much to do with that at all. She isn't required to go to any of your pre-wedding parties, fittings, appointments, etc. All a BM has to do is show up in her dress, sober, ready to smile for pics, and to walk down the aisle.

I would also point out that kicking someone out is a traumatic thing for the other person. Imagine how special one feels to be asked, and then is told that they are no longer wanted or good enough. Is that how you want to end the friendship?

Last, on TK you will always get good advice. It might be blunt, but you will never be steared wrong. Wedding Bee and the sugary, puppy and rainbow places might validate things and make people feel good, but they will not protect friendships or give you proper etiquette. Some of us do have high post counts and that is because we spent a lot of time on here planning our weddings and some have stayed to help out new brides. That is nothing but a good thing for newbs, so please don't mock us. We are trying to help you.

jemmini6 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:dee20738-3265-44c5-b1ee-acf5fc40d7f8">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your thoughtful response. I have found questions similar to mine, but have not found a situation that was the same as mine. I decided it would be helpful to ask the community to see what they thought. Also, I realize that a bridesmaid does not HAVE to attend/plan parties. I just want someone who is going to be happy to be by my side on my wedding day and wants the best for me.
Posted by JennaJ1026[/QUOTE]

Yours is not a unique situation, so you will not get a unique answer.

If you want to end your friendship with this person, then end it. Just don't make this about your wedding because using the excuse "but she isn't doing anything for ME and MY WEDDING", will <em>always</em> paint you to be the bridezilla.

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:aed0eb8d-e632-40b0-bbf5-e4b73029fa5e">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]For everyone that gave me genuine responses that weren't feeling the need to unleash some prewedding stress on a stranger, thank you. Yes, it is more of a problem with our friendship. Obviously she is a friend before a bridesmaid and I just wanted some feedback. Again, thank you for your thoughts and I really don't think I need any more because everyone is saying the same thing at this point. And vic... whatever the rest of your name is, take a jog or something to ease your period cramps because there is something wrong with being that rude to someone you don't even know. Happy posting, Vic (because like Happiestbride said, you sure have a lot of opinions to share)!
Posted by JennaJ1026[/QUOTE]
So responding in kind to someone being snarky to me is being rude? You learn something new every day...

EJones06 · February 2012

I'm going to sidestep all the other comments and go back to the original post.... I'm going through a similar problem with one of my bridesmaids so I know how you feel. I've also been searching for answers because I felt like I was alone in this situation. I'm trying to work on the friendship but you can only do so much. Some PPs said that this is a friendship problem not a wedding problem. While this is very true, it still doesn't keep you from freaking out about it. This bridesmaid of mine will be in so many pictures of one of the best days of my life and we may not even be friends 3 years down the road. Sometimes we just need to vent. While I have no advice for you, I can show you understanding....

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:2ad8e312-491b-46ae-a569-424986536f9e">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to sidestep all the other comments and go back to the original post.... I'm going through a similar problem with one of my bridesmaids so I know how you feel. I've also been searching for answers because I felt like I was alone in this situation. I'm trying to work on the friendship but you can only do so much. Some PPs said that this is a friendship problem not a wedding problem. While this is very true, it still doesn't keep you from freaking out about it. <strong>This bridesmaid of mine will be in so many pictures of one of the best days of my life and we may not even be friends 3 years down the road. </strong>Sometimes we just need to vent. While I have no advice for you, I can show you understanding....
Posted by EJones06[/QUOTE]

<div>Unless she has done something atrocious, I don't get why this is a big deal. Sure you hope your WP will be your BFFs forever, but realistically that's not the case. No one in my family, who range in marriages lasting 10-60 years, is very close to their WP members anymore. Life happens, you move on, they move on. You will still have plenty of photos with your H, family, and all of your other BMs.</div>

SJcooper12 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:0fda76d9-493e-4b8b-9a05-f8249d510e18">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down? : Unless she has done something atrocious, I don't get why this is a big deal. Sure you hope your WP will be your BFFs forever, but realistically that's not the case. No one in my family, who range in marriages lasting 10-60 years, is very close to their WP members anymore. Life happens, you move on, they move on. You will still have plenty of photos with your H, family, and all of your other BMs.
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

Your comment actually made me feel better. Thanks :) I just didn't know it was normal to have people in your WP that you lose touch with. I was freaking out trying to maintain a one-sided friendship when I probably should just let it run its course. I'm just so used to people not having this problem because they have family in the WP. I didn't have any sisters or cousins so I chose friends. And it's so easy to lose touch with friends.

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:71120200-cfe6-4d02-a35a-e0331adce457">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down? : Your comment actually made me feel better. Thanks :)<strong> I just didn't know it was normal to have people in your WP that you lose touch with.</strong> I was freaking out trying to maintain a one-sided friendship when I probably should just let it run its course. I'm just so used to people not having this problem because they have family in the WP. I didn't have any sisters or cousins so I chose friends. <strong>And it's so easy to lose touch with friends.</strong>
Posted by SJcooper12[/QUOTE]

<div>Dude yeah, totally. I mean it's less likely if relatives/sisters are your BMs, but even then it happens. </div><div>
</div><div>And you're right, it is. You do what you can, but you can't make people be friends with you. It is definitely a 2 way street. It sucks, but friendships do fade. Some don't, don't get me wrong, but it's completely normal for people to move away, change professions, or just drift away from people they lose common interests with or see all of the time. </div>

live4luv · February 2012

I think the choice is yours to make. However, I can at least tell you that you are entitled to feel comfortable with the persons that are a part of your bridal party. If your friend is not treating you with respect she may be a person you cannot trust and thus should not be one to support your wedding, in my opinion.

Ali092011 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:4e8849a7-9ce8-42e3-9b90-ec224abe8a07">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the choice is yours to make. However, I can at least tell you that <strong>you are entitled to feel comfortable with the persons that are a part of your bridal party.</strong> If your friend is not treating you with respect she may be a person you cannot trust and thus should not be one to support your wedding, in my opinion.
Posted by live4luv[/QUOTE]

So choose people you are comfortable with. Problem solved.

SCogs18 · February 2012

OP, if you ever want to be her friend again, you cannot kick her out of your bridal party. Kicking her out is a friendship ending move. Perhaps you can talk to her about her behavior and NOT mention your wedding?

Also, you comment about her not wanting to do "bridal party stuff such as the bachelorette party, wedding dress fittings, or bridal shower" really irked me. Your bridal party is required to buy/wear the dress, show up, and smile in the pictures. Throwing you a bachelorette party or a bridal show is a gift and you are not entitled to one. As for wedding dress fittings, their presence is not require or honestly needed. Do you really need an entourage for someone to pin your dress?

loch ness bride · February 2012

look i under stand that this quesion has been on this web page alot BUT just like she doesnt have to take your advice ...!!! YOU DONT HAVE TO POST !!!... if you think this question is a wast of your time then save your self and everyone else the effort and DONT POST
now to your question!!!
if you """genuinely don't have much regard for her any more""" then you already know what you need to do you just want someone to tell you its ok
sooooo here... i think it is FINE if she wont make your day better... DONT LET HER GO!!
i might not invite my MOM because i'm afraid she will object at my wedding so she might not go
_______________THE END_______________

vvlcek21 · February 2012

I am in the same boat. I asked a soon to be family member to be my maid of honor because at the time my BFF was not getting along with me and I the same with her. But now that things have resolved I feel terrible, especially since my BFF will be around me more and my soon to be new family member is going on an extended trip during the main part of the wedding planning period. I want to ask my soon to be family member to just step down to a bridsmaid and have my BFF to be my maid of honor. So hard doing this but with about 10months left to go I would rather do it now than later.
So pretty much my point is I would have done it a long time ago because now your pushing it with how close you are to your wedding. I would say that if it is really that bad on you and the rest of you wedding party get rid of her because you want your wedding day to be filled with love and happiness not the memories of a debby downer.

zwescott · February 2012

This is by far the cattiest thread I have read on theknot.com! They are usually so sweet and supportive! Who cares if this topic is "common"! It's not common for Jenna! She is reaching out for help and support, and even the littlest bit of snark is hurtful.

I think life is too short to waste of people who make you miserable. This does not mean jump ship at the first sign of difficulty in a relationship, but you know in your heart whether or not you still want to be friends with this girl. The best advice I have gotten while planning my wedding is "Be selfish with this day." It is one of a kind and will be over before you know it, do it your way! This girl clearly isn't concerned with how other people feel, and isn't being a good friend to you. Would you want someone who isn't your friend at your wedding? Would your fiance?

I also agree that it does seem she has a substance abuse problem. Anyone who works with addicts will tell you you need to let them know there are consequences for their behavior, i.e. not being invited places where they will act out!

Good luck, and enjoy your wedding!

zitiqueen · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-i-ask-this-bridesmaid-to-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6a2f7874-2fa1-4210-9bd1-5297d2240f2fPost:8e26b6fd-f7f0-4731-9c2d-84771af0d8e9">Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is by far the cattiest thread I have read on theknot.com! They are usually so sweet and supportive! Who cares if this topic is "common"! It's not common for Jenna! She is reaching out for help and support, and even the littlest bit of snark is hurtful. I think life is too short to waste of people who make you miserable. This does not mean jump ship at the first sign of difficulty in a relationship, but you know in your heart whether or not you still want to be friends with this girl. The best advice I have gotten while planning my wedding is "Be selfish with this day." It is one of a kind and will be over before you know it, do it your way! This girl clearly isn't concerned with how other people feel, and isn't being a good friend to you. Would you want someone who isn't your friend at your wedding? Would your fiance? I also agree that it does seem she has a substance abuse problem. Anyone who works with addicts will tell you you need to let them know there are consequences for their behavior, i.e. not being invited places where they will act out! Good luck, and enjoy your wedding!
Posted by zwescott[/QUOTE]

Maybe you and Jenna should head over to the Wedding Bee where they validate poor behavior and crappy treatment of people, expecially those in need who don't list your wedding on their top five or even ten priorities in their life.

abeissel · February 2012

I have the same problem Jenna so I understand where you are coming from. It is an added stress that you don't need as well as the upcoming problem of her behavior at the most important day of your life. I would ask her to step down as a bridesmaid and tell her how you feel. It may end the friendship but what real friends acts like that. You shouldn't have to keep taking all the negative she puts out, she has issues that she needs to deal with and you can be there for her as a friend but you don't have to deal with her being a bridesmaid as well. Bridesmaids should be a support system of those who care for you and will be there for you. She is not doing that. No bridesmaid don't have to do everything or go everywhere but they should be nice to you as all people deserve especially your friends. So I would sit her down tell her that you love her as a friend but you can't handle all the negative from her as a bridesmaid. Good luck!

cynthial411 · February 2012

Jenna - ignore the negative responses that come with a nasty attitude. I'm all for an honest response but some of the ladies on here are just rude. You asked a question, and I agree with the responses that advise on looking past the wedding and into the friendship. Seeing your friend's dramatics, I'd say kicking her out of the wedding is a friendship-ender BUT - you may need an end to the friendship. If your wedding focus is becoming all about her (which is what she seems to want) then it's a problem. You shouldn't stress about the antics of someone who is supposed to support you, emotionally, at this time.

cynthial411 · February 2012

zwescott - I agree! So disappointed by the attacks on the poor girl who just wanted to ask a question!

Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?

Re: Should I ask this bridesmaid to step down?

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