July 2012 Weddings

NWR: What is being a good host?

This is a half gripe half curiosity post cuz I'd love to hear what other people think on the topic.

My dad's wife drives me insane. There's lots of backstory to this where both parties (being my dad's family and her) have been at fault but I won't get into that. Point is, FI and I were at my dad's house last Dec/ Jan with several other members of family that were staying over for the weekend to celebrate New Years. It was also one of my little brother's birthday so there was all sorts of craziness going on in that house.

Now when you as a guest at someone's house who is preparing, let's say a party, see that the host is finishing up details, you politely offer to help right? Well my dad's wife is REALLY quick to accept your offer and give you a huge project to do. That annoys the sh!t out of me. For New Years and my brother's birthday, she had just about all the women in the house preparing all sorts of crap during a fairly large portion of the day. Personally, I was always taught, you don't put your guests to work. If it's someone you're extremely close to and comfortable with and the task isn't so big, it's okay to ask or accept help. Or if the guest continues to insist on helping out, you give them a small easy job to do but nothing more. They are the guest, it's not their party to set up.

What were you taught is okay as a good host? Letting guests help you set everything up? Refuse any help whatsoever? Accept small help if it's a person you feel close to or is a guest that keeps insisting? I guess this could easily be a poll, but I like reading what you guys have to say about things.

ETA: I also ask this because it seemed that I was the only person who was annoyed by this while at my dad's house. Which makes me wonder is this normal for some people??

Re: NWR: What is being a good host?

  • My mom isn't the greatest of hotesses, so she wasn't the best example growing up, but IMO that I formed:

    As a host, if a guest offered to help, I would likely decline (I'm a super perfectionist/want everything to be the way I envision it in my mind) unless it was something simple like setting a plate of food on the table or filling napkin holders.  I would never give them a large task to do. 
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  • I always do everything myself - with the exception of my mom - I'll let her help FI and I out. Otherwise  - I'll politely decline.

    Growing up, the host/hostess prepared everything - and the guests helped clean up the table (if dinner/meal was served).
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  • My mother is the ultimate host. She is always going out of her way to make sure she gets everything done alone and makes sure every guests' needs are taken care of during an event. But because she's so helpful, she also goes out of her way when her role is supposed to be the guest! But I would agree with you and get really annoyed at that. Guests are supposed to be guests, not helpers. It's nice to offer to help, but as a hostess I would turn the offer down or give a very small task away. I always feel bad, actually, when I'm hosting an event and my guests try helping me. I just want them to enjoy their time.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
  • I always do everything by myself and if a guest offers to help, I usually decline. My mom always cleans up the house and has everything cooked/set up before the guests arrive. The guests aren't expected to clean up either- but it is usually the ladies (my mom, her sister, me, my female cousins) who chime in and clean up without asking or being asked to.  

    But I also often have my best friends staying at my place- they never ask me if they should help, they just do it on their own. They wash their own dishes, they clean up after themselves. My friends usually stay over for a few days so this is probably different compared to staying for a few hours.
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  • I agree that she should not have given you large projects.

    BUT...if you offer she is allowed to put you to work. And since you are family she does not view you as "guests".

    Moral to the story....stop offering.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • Nati05Nati05 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwr-being-good-host?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:6515e948-0f99-43d0-b8eb-d0a778386808Post:e933247a-fec4-4fd4-86b3-28eda808f7ce">Re: NWR: What is being a good host?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I always feel bad, actually, when I'm hosting an event and my guests try helping me. I just want them to enjoy their time.
    Posted by Amanda1443994[/QUOTE]

    Same here! I accept from time to time but I feel bad about it.

    I see what you mean Carla. However, once her "real guests" arrived, she did the same thing. So I don't know what's going on there. Oh and no worries, I've <strong>definitely</strong> stopped offering. Also because everything I help out with she either complains about, criticizes, or destroys to do over and start again.. biotch.
  • My mom is an amazing host.  Me and her are both anal and like things to be a certain way so we just do things ourselves.  Her SIL will help her with the dishes on thanksgiving but that is it.  We can't entertain too many people because our house is small but I never put my friends to work.  And a good host leaves whatever dishes they can for the next day so you are not washing the dishes in the kitchen for 1/2 the night when you can be spending time with your family and friends.  I am OCD so as soon as they leave I usually do the dishes.  Unless I am buzzed I will do them in the morning.

    Lol this year don't offer to help her out!
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  • When I host parties and someone is offereing to help, I ususally tell them to go sit down and enjoy themselves or like others menetioned, give them simple tasks.
    However, when Im the guest at someone house I HATE just sitting there doing nothing. So when someone declines my offer of helping I feel completely useless and I'll usually just find something that needs to be done.
    . Anniversary aandt image
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