Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette Party Vent :-(

Originally my bachelorette party was supposed to be in Vegas, but I changed it to go wine tasting instead because most people I invited said they couldn't afford to go to Vegas (due to flights, hotel, etc). I had 9 people confirm for wine tasting, so my bridesmaid who is planning booked a hotel and limo for wine tasting, using her credit card for a deposit. Now, about a month before the party, no one has sent her money and people are dropping like flies. We are down to me and three BM. One BM said she is a maybe...she is a teacher so I chose the date based on when she would be done with school for the summer...not sure why she won't commit. My sister (BM) and one other BM are now saying it's all too expensive and we should do something else (but they were all for Vegas which would have been at least twice as much). I'm so frustrated, and I feel bad for my BM who is planning the whole thing (FI's sister). I am to the point where I just want to say forget the whole thing and just not have one. I don't understand why my "friends" are all flaking...

Re: Bachelorette Party Vent :-(

  • Was this planned by them or you?

    If it's planned by you then they may be flaking because this just isn't their cup of tea and it's not how they want to spend their money.  Expensive bachelorettes just aren't in the funds for a lot of people.

    Why not go back to your BM who paid and see if she can get a full refund?  Then tell her you're happy to do what the majority wants to do and then let THEM plan it.
  • oh, that sucks.  I'm sorry about all this.  Honestly, if someone said to me "Let's do a wine tasting!" I'd probably say I was on-board, too... until the idea of limos and hotels came into play.  They didn't want Vegas because it was too expensive and while this is less expensive, it is still a lot.  I'd be happy to spend an afternoon wine-tasting and then go home - not get in a limo and go to a hotel.  I don't know the specifics of the situation, though.

    There is nothing wrong with just going out to a great dinner with your friends or spending a night just hanging out.  Bachelorette parties don't need to be like The Hangover and involve expensive extras.  The point is spend time with your friends - wherever that may be.

    I agree with banana - see if your friend can get a refund then replan with budgets and a toned-down idea in mind.
  • The wine tasting/limo tour was planned by my BMs. One BM got a package deal through her work that would have been a little less than $100 per person for a cabin, limo, tasting fees, and dinner. The only extra cost would be any spa treatments if anyone wanted any. Since no one wants to commit, I decided today that the party is cancelled. The party isn't important enough for me to spend my time and energy worrying and stressing over why no one wants to join me.
  • casymecasyme member
    That sucks, I'm sorry.  $100 a head sounds pretty reasonable for a bachelorette party, but I guess it depends on the financial wherewithal of your group; for someone scraping by, that might have been too rich.  Or maybe it's just that some women aren't in to those sorts of things (me included, to be honest) because they tend to be overblown.  So try not to interpret this as a sign that you don't have real friends -- I'm sure you do.  This just wasn't their cup of tea.  Just look forward to your wedding!
  • RunDogRunDog member
    edited May 2012
    I remember when bachelor/bachelorette parties used to be one night ordeals, and the only reason people booked hotels was because they were going to a different city. I have gone/am going to five bachelorette parties this year (including my own), and every single one of them is a two-nighter. We did one night in Austin for a friend four years ago, but I guess everyone wants to turn these into weekend long affairs now, which is fine if the bridesmaids want to plan it that way. It's just weird that it's almost abnormal to have a one-night bachelorette party.
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  • I think the cancelling was the best way to go.  You can probably re-group and have a different kind of party but $100 pp plus spa treatments (that are often close to $100 for each) is probably to steep.  At this point, I'd bow out of expensive parties if I can help it. 
  • Bachhelorette parties are tricky.  I don't know about your experiences but it seems that guys are always doing the looong bachelore party scene- where girls just wont commit.  My friends husband did a week  long trip in NH, another friends husband went to New Orleans for the weekend...but when you get a group of girls together they get very cheap.  I'm sorry you had to cancel it-- I agree with PP I hope that you end up doing something else! And remember it's all what you make of it.
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  • What a bummer!  I agree that bachelorette parties can be expensive but I wouldn't have been too upset about $100 per person!  Here in florida, it's becoming a popular trend to do a 3 day bahamas cruise because you can get deals for about $175 per person which includes food and lodging (but not alcohol or excursions).  I just went to a "toned down" bachelorette party that was supposed to be a casual dinner, drinks at a few bars and then sleeping at one of the girls' houses - it still ended up being around $100 per person.  Hope you can find something fun that everyone agrees upon!
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