Update-Kind of
So remember when I posted last month about my cousin who I didn't want to invite to our wedding? Well I DD'd it so going back and finding the link won't help you. So for those of you who did read it, here is my semi update.
My mom tried to pressure me into going to counseling and I told her she should go, not me. Well she did, much to my surprise. She talked to me and told me basically how the counselor told her how badly my parents have handled the whole thing. She is all remorse now and has apologized for handling it badly and causing me so much pain. Anyways so remember before how she wanted me to go talk to my cousin? Well new plan now, my parents are going to talk to his mom (my favorite aunt) and let her know that her son is not invited, which is a huge relief off my shoulders.
So now that you are updated, to the advice part. My mom is supposed to talk to my aunt this week, Wednesday. I'm terrified. I love my aunt, her daughter is in my bridal party, and I don't want her to hate me. I know there is nothing I can do to make her feel a certain way but mostly I need help getting through this week. I am sure my mom doesn't want to do this either and I feel bad for her but I am glad that they are doing this for me. I am so afraid my aunt will hate me and turn on our side of the family. I really don't want her too, it would devastate me, but of course having him at the wedding isn't an option. So healthy thoughts? Prayers? Vibes? Things I can do to distract myself? Hugs? It's stressing me out.
Married! May 27th, 2012
Re: Update-Kind of
Thanks Ely. I appreciate the hugs
I need them.
Married! May 27th, 2012
Married! May 27th, 2012
I am praying that you find peace and resolution in this situation and that everyone is able to heal from any negativity that has resulted from it.
Your mother is doing the right thing, finally. This will be a very hard thing for your aunt to hear about her son, but I hope for everyone that she receives the information well and sees the truth.
No matter what happens though, Ray, you are NOT responsible for your aunt's reaction. I don't think she will, but if for some reason she does react badly and turns against any of you, that would be her fault and NO ONE else's - except maybe her son's for starting this entire situation in the first place. Whatever happened to you with him was not your fault, and neither is this. It will be hard to accept that you have to let go of your aunt's reaction entirely, but you do have to. It is not yours to control.
Hugs to you sweetie, and even if this does get worse before it gets better, you did the right thing in telling your mom what you did. She is doing the right thing now by finally taking the brunt of this burden you have been carrying off your shoulders. Give your worry and stress and fear to God - he knows how to take care of it way better than you do, and that's what He's there for. Love you!
But until it's all said and done :::hugs:::
As for your aunt, you have no control over what her reaction will be, which I know is scary. I hope everything goes well on Wednesday, please be sure to come back and update to let us know how it goes.
*huge hugs!*
When I said that I am glad your mom is finally doing the right thing, I meant it more in terms of accepting that this happened and believing you, and getting behind whatever you want to do to deal with this. I told you this before, but my mother was sexually abused by her cousin when she was little, and my grandmother told her to stop making up stories and to never tell anyone else, so that there was no family drama. While your mom was not as bad as my grandmother, I do have a bias against a mother ever downplaying any kind of abuse against her child.
What I meant was that I'm glad that she isn't doing that anymore, and that she is helping you now, but I agree with Desert that you need to face some of it yourself as well - for your own benefit. I don't think that having your mom talk to your aunt is a bad thing or necessarily doing your dirty work, but you should talk to your aunt about it as well. She will probably want to talk to you about it anyway, because she loves you and will want to know that you are okay.
You definitely should talk to a counselor as well. There is still more to work through with this, and you should not have to do that on your own or without professional help. You are wonderful and you deserve the best help working through this trauma that you can get.
Married! May 27th, 2012