WHAT TO DO??

mzrios11 · May 2011

So, my wedding is 4 months away and my moh tells me she's 3 months pg!! I am so upset. Dressed have already been ordered and we cant change them. She will be 7 months at the time of my wedding and I just dont know how this is going to work. She has already missed cakes testings and appointments due to "being tired" and having her own appts. Im pulling my hair out. I have another friend who I didnt ask to be in the wedding due to the fact that she is pregnant. I dont know what to do. Any advice will help thanks.

6fsn · May 2011

First you congratulate her.

If you want her in the wedding, find a new dress. You can find something in 4 months. If you don't want a pg bridesmaid then tell her that. Don't be surprised if she is hurt.

There is no reason she needs to taste the cake or do anything else.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

I am sort of going through the same thing, thankfully my bridesmaid will have had the baby by my wedding but it still puts her dress in the maybe but maybe not zone. And I would recommend talking to her as some do not wish to be pregnant and infront of everyone and if she does talk to a seamstress about letting the dress out and they have maternity spanx to smooth the lines if she is nervous about how much she will be showing or anything like that. But first of all I would talk to her, and just realize that she isn't going to be able to do everything she once did because she is growing a baby.

mzrios11 · May 2011

We are waiting for the dresses to come in but we arent sure how much weight she will gain and if there will be enough fabric to be let out. Another problem with the dress is that it was a tadbit pricey and she has already said she doesnt want to pay for another and lose her money on the first.

Queen Jane · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_what-to-do-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7dbbdb8a-f8d6-44b8-a033-a49bec7780cfPost:3e427101-1625-4935-b7db-a58254e2ff7e">Re: WHAT TO DO??</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sort of going through the same thing, thankfully my bridesmaid will have had the baby by my wedding but it still puts her dress in the maybe but maybe not zone. And I would recommend talking to her as<strong> some do not wish to be pregnant and infront of everyone</strong> and if she does talk to a seamstress about letting the dress out and they have maternity spanx to smooth the lines if she is nervous about how much she will be showing or anything like that. But first of all I would talk to her, and just realize that she isn't going to be able to do everything she once did because she is growing a baby.
Posted by GeeksWithSqueaks[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but I laughed at that. Hard. Pregnant ladies don't want to be pregnant in front of people? What does that even mean? Should they just hide away inside for almost 10 months? Are people going to point, laugh and poke fun at the pregnant lady? No, I don't think they will. If she really is that uncomfortable then she will bring it up, I would imagine. I would be insulted if I was asked something like that.

OP - Pregnant women are completely capable of functioning as bridesmaids. Unless, and hopefully this is not the case, there are unforeseen complications and bedrest, I'm sure your BM will be alright. She can still walk down the aisle and be there to support you. You may want to consider offering her a chair, but at 7 months she may not even need one depending on ceremony length.

As for her dress, let her pick a new one, or let her get something off the rack in the same color when the wedding is closer. No big deal, right?

As for "being tired". That is legit. It is inconceivably exhausting. It just is. I promise you it's not an excuse, and really, why does she need to be at cake tastings and all that? I think that's a bit much to expect of a BM, pregnant or not.

Hope you are able to feel better about it.

MeaganR12 · May 2011

I'm sorry, but you kinda sound like a b.

This is your MOH, who I'm assuming is your best friend, and you're mad that she can't make it to your precious cake tasting? Or that she might have to wear a different dress than the others? This is your FRIEND. I'm really not trying to be rude here but you need to put things in perspective.

Amitzah · May 2011

Support her. Be there for her as you would hope she would be there for you. Be her friend. If she is a close friend you will probably miss her if she isn't there with you. She will definitely miss being there for you. Her hormones are already going to be going haywire, don't add to it by kicking her out of your bridal party. As to her being tired. That's not an excuse. She is probably exhausted. Pregnancy can really mess with you.You don't need her to go cake tasting with you, if you really need company ask a family member or another member of your bridal party to join you for tasks like that. Don't assume that because her "duties" include these things that it is anything other than a suggestion. As for the dress? Talk to the people you purchased it from, explain your situation and ask what your options are. Has the dress made yet? If not, maybe you can cancel that order and ask for order something in the same color and fabric that will be a better fit or more comfortable for her. If they've already started production ask if they can allow for it to be taken out a bit or how much it will be able to be altered. If necessary get a dress off the rack. There are lots of things you can do.

mzrios11 · May 2011

Sorry you think I seem like a B but thats just how I feel. I didnt tell her she couldnt be apart of the wedding but if its gna be too much then she can. When I said she missed the cake tasting because she was "tired" its not like I tld her she had to go and she said that. I actually planned on going with my mother and she wanted to go. I told my mom not to worry about going (she doesnt live in the same city) because my moh was going. Up until the day she kept askn me what day and where at. 15 minutes before we were to go to the bakery she stop responding to my txt and phone calls. 30 minutes after she txt me and says "hey sorry, I was tired and took a nap" and other kinds of excuses. I am a very picky person when it comes to anything in my life and my wedding. I like things my way regardless of someone's opinion and if she didnt want to go thats all she had to say. As far as the dress. There is nothing we can do. It has been ordered and it cant be changed. We actually tlked about her getting a different dress but she doesnt want tp pay for another because the price of the first one.

Queen Jane · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_what-to-do-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7dbbdb8a-f8d6-44b8-a033-a49bec7780cfPost:15ea4809-4958-4606-965a-189434dcde17">Re: WHAT TO DO??</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry you think I seem like a B but thats just how I feel. I didnt tell her she couldnt be apart of the wedding but if its gna be too much then she can. When I said she missed the cake tasting because she was "tired" its not like I tld her she had to go and she said that. I actually planned on going with my mother and she wanted to go. I told my mom not to worry about going (she doesnt live in the same city) because my moh was going. Up until the day she kept askn me what day and where at. 15 minutes before we were to go to the bakery she stop responding to my txt and phone calls. 30 minutes after she txt me and says "hey sorry, I was tired and took a nap" <strong>and other kinds of excuses</strong>. I am a very picky person when it comes to anything in my life and my wedding. I like things my way regardless of someone's opinion and if she didnt want to go thats all she had to say. As far as the dress. There is nothing we can do. It has been ordered and it cant be changed. We actually tlked about her getting a different dress but she doesnt want tp pay for another because the price of the first one.
Posted by mzrios11[/QUOTE]

It's not an excuse. As we have already pointed out, PREGNANCY IS TIRING. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Stuff like that happened to me all the time, I missed tons of birthday parties and other things. And TRUST ME, she may already feel badly enough about it and doesn't need you rubbing it in her face that she wasn't there. To her, your wedding does not trump her health or her pregnancy. Chill out. Have you even congratulated your friend or did you immediately worry about how this will affect you?

As for the dress, can they order some extra material in the same color and fabric for a seamstress to work with? I have heard of that being done before.

sparklesf611 · May 2011

Maybe she could just wear a different dress that she owns that is in your color scheme? One of my best friends had a brown and pink themed wedding and all of us bm's wore brown except for the MOH who wore pink...I know this might not be in your vision/plan for the wedding but I thought I'd suggest it in case there is a way that it could help.

mzrios11 · May 2011

No, I havent but its because when I first found out she was pg it was from her knocking on my front door crying and saying "what am I gna do" The situation is really complicated. How can you be happy for someone in a situation like that when they aren't happy themselves? I am not trying to be mean and I am not trying to be rude but if she was happy I would be happy for her. I know I seem like a totally B but just like her health and baby are important to her my wedding is important to me. I think I am being nice about the situation since Im already having to adjust a few things in order to accomadate her. (willing to let her get a different dress) Its just something I didnt plan on dealing with. Its a mixture of stress and frustration because I am dealing with other things also.

Queen Jane · May 2011

I really implore you to change your attitude a little bit here. Idk your friends situation, but I also had an unplanned pregnancy and the worst thing you can donis make her feel like it's a bad thing (whether intentional or not). The best thing you can do is support her and be positive. You both have major life events going on right now and are both going to be a little self absorbed, just keep that in mind. It will work out, you've gotten some great suggestions on how to deal with the dress situation, hope one of them works out for you.

tawillers · May 2011

::gasp:: How dare she catch the pregnants and have her own appointments during your wedding season?!

She told you she doesn't want to buy another dress. Sounds to me like she doesn't really care if she's in your glorious wedding or not.

You said it best when you said "I know I seem like a totally B but just like her health and baby are important to her my wedding is important to me."

You guys are Besties FOREVAR. I can feel it.

arbolita · May 2011

Queen Jane, I like the cut of your jib. You should come around more.

NOLABridesmaid · May 2011

I want to know why she needed to go to the cake tasting.

AuntFlo · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_what-to-do-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7dbbdb8a-f8d6-44b8-a033-a49bec7780cfPost:ce9781c7-952e-4901-8998-3be0f486d115">Re: WHAT TO DO??</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to know why she needed to go to the cake tasting.
Posted by NOLABridesmaid[/QUOTE]

If I ever agree to be a bridesmaid again, I think I'll write "must be invited to cake tasting" in my contract. That would be one wedding related event I would not miss!

hmonkey · May 2011

i don't know why anyone needs to go to a cake tasting, unless they have never had cake before.

i only went for free cake, but i can get that at costco any day of the week and weekends at the grocery store.

tcjames · May 2011

Msrios11....I understand your frustration and your not being a B... If she volunteered to go the cake tasting which alleviated your mother having to travel and then doesn't have the manners to call & tell you she can't make because she's tired...I would be pissed too.Being pregnant is not an excuse for not using common courtesy!!! I don't agree that because she doesn't want to buy another dress she doesn't want to be in your wedding. Both of you ladies are going through a very stressful time and if she's not happy about being pregnant that's only going to be displaced elsewhere and right now it's your wedding. You do need to be there for your friend, so put your needs and wedding aside and just talk to her. Wouldn't you want her to do that for you? Be sincere in finding out what is going on with her. She may be feeling lonely, confused amongst other things and may just need someone to care and talk too. I'm quite sure once you 2 talk , you'll get the answers you need and can take it from there.

MinM · May 2011

baconsmom · May 2011

Min, I love you.

arbolita · May 2011

DED.

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