Wedding Etiquette Forum

Sometimes I Want to Strangle my BIL - (Vent)

So last July, my BIL and sister were in an accident becaues he decided that he wanted to pass a semi while entering the turnpike from a toll booth. Instead he ran his truck into the wall, overcorrected, and rolled it, resulting in this:




Now, sis and BIL were (thankfully) ok. They were both wearing their seatbelts. My sister had a cut on her forehead, so she had to go to the hospital, but that was the only injury. Do you think he learned his lesson?

Fast forward to yesterday. They're driving to MD to visit my dad and go to the race in Dover on Sunday. He does the SAME EXACT THING is his car. He tries to pass a semi while entering the turnpike after a toll booth. He ends up on the shoulder this time, hits a rock, which tears a hole in his muffler, and somehow damages the starter. Again, everyone was ok, but why why why does he continue to do this?
 
My dad told me about it this morning and already plans to have the "I don't care how you drive when it's just you in the car, but when you have MY daughter in there, you will be more careful." This would be the second one of these conversations. If dad has to have a third one of these conversations he's already told me he's going to make BILs life hell (not sure how, but if my sister is injured, or even worse, killed because of his stupidty, I'm sure my dad would figure it out).
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Re: Sometimes I Want to Strangle my BIL - (Vent)

  • Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I'd wanna strangle him too. That's utterly ridiculous. How does your sister feel? I'd be scared to death to get in the car with him if I were her.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • I would NOT ever get in a car with this guy, what would happen if God forbid they have children together? I hope this second accident had forced him to re-evaluate his driving ability and maybe take some classes.
  • Yeah, this wouldn't fly with me. I wouldn't need Dad to say anything--I'd ream the shiit out of DH if he did that.
  • We had thought the first accident would make him re-evaluate his driving skills, but apparently not. I won't ever get in a car with him. I have always refused because he drives like a lunatic. FI suggested my dad breaking his hands because then sis would have to drive, but that's only temporary.

    My sister drives, but she doesn't like to. She didn't get her license until she was 22 and that was only because a job she was taking required it. She doesn't like driving long distances, which is why he ALWAYS drives.
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  • Wow.  I'm so glad she's alright!  If I were her I'd have a very hard time driving in a car with him after that.  I know how hard it was for just me to drive after being rear ended.  I couldn't imagine driving with someone who actually caused an accident. 

    Your dad is right to say something because if something serious were to happen he'd kick himself every day for not speaking up. 
  • I also would boycott riding in a car he was driving.  What an idiot!
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  • What an idiot...
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  • He drives me bananas. He actually punched through his windshield in another car he had because he was upset. I just don't understand the appeal. My sister is so passive she never says anything! I'm the "crazy" driver between FI and I, but that usually amounts to driving 5-10 over the speed limit. FI never speeds, EVER. Which is great. Dad doesn't have to worry everytime I get into a car with him, but he does with my sister.

    We also can't figure out why he drove his car on this road trip, and not my sisters. His is 15 years old (this was the replacement car after he did the above to the truck) and her's is a 2007 Yaris. Much more reliable. Dad thinks he did it so he could "hot rod" in it.
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  • What does your sister say about all this?  Isn't she concerned at all?  I'm not crazy about driving, I got mine late, too, but.. yeesh.  I would be demanding the keys every time we got in the car if this happened once, not to mention TWICE.

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  • What an ass.  Not only is he putting many lives at risk (not just his own, the selfish jackass), he and your sister must be paying a bloody fortune for car insurance now.  I feel bad for her. 
  • I also have to question the relationship your sister has with this man if her welfare is obviously no concern to him. I got rear-ended 4yrs ago and my than BF (now FI) left work and came rushing over even after I said its was only a minor fender bender. I don't think dad needs to talk to BIL he needs to talk to your sister and figure out why she's ok with his lack of care for her well being as well as those of other drivers.

  • I can't blame your dad for being upset.  But he should also be upset with your sister as well if she's not standing up for herself.
  • Yeah, I haven't had a chance to talk with my sister about it. No one in the family is particularly happy she married this guy. If FI ever did that, not once, but TWICE, I wouldn't drive with him either, and I think vice-versa. I think he needs to go back and spend some time in driver's ed. I shudder when I think about the fact that she's mentioned they're TTC. I would never let my child ride in a car with him.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-want-strangle-bil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2053f4ee-501e-4815-b266-21212931ac22Post:bbe424c9-2be5-4b75-8984-8b6bcae1de7c">Re: Sometimes I Want to Strangle my BIL - (Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't blame your dad for being upset.  But he should also be upset with your sister as well if she's not standing up for herself.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    I totally agree with you. They've had this conversation many many times, it just doesn't go through. I honestly think she settled and is worried she could never find anyone else.
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  • This makes me very sad. It sounds like your sister feels overpowered by this guy. I would definitely have a long talk with her about how this man makes her feel. Sometimes its very hard to open to family about issues they are having in their marriage, but she needs to talk to someone. That is just NUTS. You couldn't pay me enough money to ride with that guy.

    My now ex-stepdad always drove so wrecklessly, and it always really made it very clear about who he cared about the most (himself).
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  • This situation sounds borderline/potentially like domestic abuse. I'd be on the lookout.
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