Fiance says this must happen... no exceptions....

cscheela · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fiance-says-this-must-happen-no-exceptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:6501c12e-3e90-46f1-a9d8-ce77517c97eePost:6ef3acd7-7d1c-41f4-a896-2176b0aa2760">Re: Fiance says this must happen... no exceptions....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance says this must happen... no exceptions.... : 1. we can only go by what the person posts. so why would anyone assume she meant something other than what she wrote? 2. what if she doesn't have a neice? or what if this is already going to happen? 3. she specifically said that he is adamant about this decision or else he wants to call off the wedding altogether. how can that be misinterpretted?
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

1. Yes but repliers have been inferring a whole lot of potential future abusive behaviour, which is blowing things out of proportion and and taking things out of scope of her question. I could make similar inferences about many people on this forum based off of single comments..."OMG that b#### will totally bite your head off blah blah blah like she won't agree with ANYTHING you say ever...run for the hills or you will explode"

2. Didn't she say in her post she had a niece that she wanted to be a flower girl? If not, subsitute niece for some other compromise

3. she didn't say he was adamant, she sounded upset and offered a one-sided argument using poor grammar and spelling, so I choose to take it with a grain of salt

I don't think every wedding issue can be solved simply by having a bunch of strangers telling someone to leave her fiancee, which seems to be the default reaction to alot of posts

My2cents4u · May 2012

Kylee do you know what a red flag is and how to avoid one? If I had a crystal ball it would predict DOOM. btw his family does not like you, the hint is they do not include you.

willywally5 · May 2012

Sorry, cscheela, I don't see her birthing of future children/spending holidays post as 'a series of compromises' AT ALL. She never says her FMIL wanted to be there for the birth of this hypothetical grandchild and they compromised in any fashion about that. Nor did she say they worked anything out about the holidays ... it seems it just worked out that way, which was lucky for her because I'm sure if it didn't, she'd be spending holidays wherever the Mr. wanted.

I'll let the others handle your rebuttals to their posts on their own.

I guess in answer to OP question from the get-go is NO, don't 'make a compromise to make him and me happy' ... because 1) It's not a compromise if he gets what he wants but you don't. That is HIM getting HIS way. That is pretty evident by his ultimatum that it's either his way or service at the JP. In my opinion, that is no compromise at all.

BarbourWales04 · May 2012

I agree with willywally. This isn't a compromise- this is the OP getting her butt handed to her on a platter. We're inferring a pattern of abusive behavior because this is exactly how abusive behavior starts- a "my way or the highway" attitude. In my case, OP, my parents are coming cross-continentally to be with me after the birth of my first child in July. FI isn't thrilled about it, and neither is his family necessarily- but they're working with me, because 1) just because I'm marrying into his family doesn't mean my family disappears; 2) I emigrated to a different country to be with him; 3) our son and his grandparents deserve to meet; 4) Most importantly, he knows how important this is to me.

No conditions, no threats, no "if you don't do what I want we'll have this kind of wedding". None of that garbage. My parents don't like him, and I have made it very clear to them that FI and our son are my family, and they can get in line or get left behind. I love my parents dearly, but if I have to choose between ANYONE and FI and our son, they're the two I choose. And everyone is very clear on that score. If they aren't, they haven't been paying attention.

Your FI is entirely too concerned about his family's feelings. And the fact that he's even making the distinction between "my family", "your family", "me", and "you" is a big problem. YOU should be the only family he's concerned with. And if he can get his boxers in a knot over something so trivial, then I have to wonder how things are going to end up when you guys hit some real road blocks in your married life. For example- a homebirth is all well and good, but if you don't get the chance to do that and you have to have an emergency C- section (because a LOT can go wrong with a childbirth, unfortunately), do you honestly believe that your MIL isn't going to be right there in the delivery room the entire time, even if you told her you didn't want her to be? Where does it end?

It starts now, and it will only progress. Trust me on that.

Fiance says this must happen... no exceptions....

Re: Fiance says this must happen... no exceptions....

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