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My SIL is exasperating.

RobotLegsRobotLegs
500 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

My sister wants to plan a baby shower for me.  I've been really anti since the beginning, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.  Anyway, she has been in touch with my SIL about it, because SIL also wanted to plan one. 

My sister told SIL that I wanted a really small, intimate shower- just close family and friends.  SIL told my sister that I should invite lots of people so I can get a lot of gifts.  SIL said "I didn't want a big shower, but i'm glad I had one because we got enough money to cover our hospital expenses, and we hardly had to buy anything!"

Ugh.  Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.  That's everything I HATE about showers.

So, I pissed my sister off and told her the baby shower is off.  I refuse to do it.

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Re: My SIL is exasperating.

  • Birdie1483Birdie1483 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    What, you don't like doing cutesy games like guesing how many squares of toilet paper it takes to wrap around your baby bump?? :)

    I'm sorry they're frustrating you. This post reminded me of the episode on SATC where Miranda insisted on having chicken wings at her shower.
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  • RobotLegsRobotLegs
    500 Comments
    Mmm... chicken wings... lol
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  • laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
    5000 Comments
    Good for you. I'm sorry they're bugging you, but kudos for not doing something you don't like. They can get the hell over it. Not having a shower is not a big deal. Particularly if you don't want to do it anyway.
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  • annakb8annakb8 member
    2500 Comments
    Yaah, I told my sister when I was about 16 that I never, ever wanted a baby shower. I hope she remembers this when it matters. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to end up having a bridal shower and I'm really ok with that.

    Anyway, I'm sorry your SIL is ruining the fun for everyone.
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  • Meg1036Meg1036
    1000 Comments
    Sorry it turned into big drama, especially when you were really trying to be accommodating.

    I want chicken wings.  NOW.
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Your SIL is ridiculous.  Baby showers are supposed to be a sweet gesture from the friends of the mom-to-be, not a cash grab.

    Kudos for sticking to your guns.  I agree with Birdie.  You need a Miranda baby shower.  Lots of fried chicken, no B.S.
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  • The Mel and Todd ShowThe Mel and Todd Show
    1000 Comments
    Dude, who is making cash at baby showers?  I am going to get knocked up right away.  I have apparently been going about this all wrong. 

    I sort of understand.  My kids were seven years apart, and my family does showers as surprises.  I tried to spread the word that I didn't think a shower for a second child was appropriate, but my mother and my SIL threw one for me, anyway, insisting that it was "okay" because they were so far apart.  I knew it was coming, because Todd told me "I know you don't want to register, but you have to, and I'm sorry that I couldn't stop the things you wanted to stop."  I found out after the shower that H's sister had sent out invites to their side of the family and the majority of my friends via facebook, and the invite said "They're registered at XX- here's their address if you can't attend."  I'm still mortified. 

    I'm sorry robotmama.  Have you talked to SIL about it?  Maybe you can make it clear that, while you're glad she was able to pay her medical bills with her shower, you'd prefer a much more intimate gathering as you aren't looking to start babybot's college savings with the proceeds? 
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  • Birdie1483Birdie1483 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I feel like I'm totally going to be Mirana and drop a baby when I have my baby shower. Actually, I'm wondering how I could do an adult's only baby shower... (save for my fetus).
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  • RobotLegsRobotLegs
    500 Comments

    One funny thing:  When SIL said she got enough money to pay for her hospital expenses, my sister replied "Well, they've got insurance."  (SIL does not)

    But yeah, she's the type that gives showers such bad names.  My sister really did just want it to be sort of a celebration of the baby.

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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sil-exasperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:97444abb-e3be-41ba-b32f-ff827e8dd2c0Post:3e68ecaf-27dd-4eaa-9c44-b73ad2c1fd6f">Re: My SIL is exasperating.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like I'm totally going to be Mirana and drop a baby when I have my baby shower. Actually, <strong>I'm wondering how I could do an adult's only baby shower...</strong> (save for my fetus).
    Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

    Good luck.  My bridal shower wasn't even adults-only.  Even though the word was spread that it was supposed to be just adults, my aunt showed up with her 5 year old granddaughter in tow.  Which pissed my cousin off to no end, because she was told not to bring her 1-year-old.  Fun times.
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  • RobotLegsRobotLegs
    500 Comments
    Mel, I've talked to SIL about it.  She just does. not. get. it.  She had the big destination wedding and all of that garbage.  She's pretty much one of the most self-centered people I've ever met.
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  • The Mel and Todd ShowThe Mel and Todd Show
    1000 Comments
    Eww.  She sounds "fun".  I'm sorry :( 
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  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
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    Good for you, Kiki.  If you don't stand your ground now, it'll only get worse once the baby actually gets here.

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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    The last few baby showers I attended were adults only.  Of course, all the moms spent the whole time talking about their kids, so it felt like they were there.  I was enjoying being one of the few people able to drink the champagne.
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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    Awww, that sucks.  Are you sure you don't want to drop your SIL and just let your sister plan something small for you?  They can be nice when they are small, just your closest family and friends.  And those closest to you will *want* to get you something to help out anyway!

    Either way, congrats!
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  • RobotLegsRobotLegs
    500 Comments
    Noodle, I don't think there's any way we could have it without SIL.  She lives close by. 

    But yeah, I figure if people were going to get me a gift anyway, they'll get it regardless of whether there is a shower or not.  And if someone was going to get me a gift ONLY because of the shower invitation, I don't want it.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Is this the SIL who was pissy at your wedding for no good reason?
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  • mandapanda78mandapanda78
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    I so wish the proper answer to this was, "Show up to the gaudy shower drunk off your ass. That'd show 'em."

    But no, don't do that either. :-D
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  • RobotLegsRobotLegs
    500 Comments
    Mer, that was my SMIL that was pissy at the wedding.  But, she's kinda always like that.  (Where have you been anyway??)

    Manda, I think getting drunk at my baby shower is a fantastic idea.  Tequila shots for everyone!  WOOT!
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  • mandapanda78mandapanda78
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    Agree, Mery WTF have you beeeeeeeen?

    Robot do you think they'd throw the shower anyway and "surprise" you with it? Urgh. And the best baby showers I've ever been to, pretty much everyone (except the mom) has been tipsy.
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    Yeah Mery, WTF where have you been? 

    I think a surprise shower sounds like hell on earth.  I would want to know about the impending doom. 
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  • RobotLegsRobotLegs
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    I don't think my sister (or mom) could possibly keep quiet enough to have a surprise shower.  Plus, they know I'd kill them.
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  • The Mel and Todd ShowThe Mel and Todd Show
    1000 Comments
    Every shower I have ever been to has been a suprise.  So for like 3 months before any life event, you have to dress really nicely and arrive on time when going to planned events at the homes of others.  For my last shower, my mom made me bring food to throw me off the scent, saying it was for my father's birthday.  I seriously thought this was just how showers were done before TK. 
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
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    It must be a Jersey thing because I remember lots of surprise bridal & baby showers when I was younger. 
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
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    I can't imagine if my showers had been surprises.  I probably would have shown up looking totally scrubby (jeans and a t-shirt), and those would have been some memorable pictures.
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  • mandapanda78mandapanda78
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    I hate surprises of any kind
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  • RobotLegsRobotLegs
    500 Comments
    Yeah, I'm not a fan of surprises.  I've never heard of a surprise shower.  That just seems... awkward.
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  • annakb8annakb8 member
    2500 Comments
    I hate surprises too. If someone tried to throw me a surprise shower I'd probably end up punching them in the face.

    My date to Jr. prom threw me a surprise party for my 17th birthday. It was a nice gesture but I was too stressed out by the surpise element to enjoy myself at all.
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  • shelby_louis_2011shelby_louis_2011 member
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    Robot I like you, you seem like you'll make a great mom and know that your child is what is really important through these nine months. I'm sorry your sister is the one who is upset, she seems to know that you wanted something small and intimate; it's that pesky sister-in-law. Ugh! Is there any way you can talk to your sister-in-law and say that you really appreciate her wanting to throw it for you but that your sister (and mom maybe?) want to have it for you as something special for your family...or something to that extent?

    If not, you could always take your sister out for hot wings as a form of apology ^_^
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  • RobotLegsRobotLegs
    500 Comments
    Ha, thanks shelby. :)  I do indeed owe my sister some wings or something next time I see her (she lives out of state). 
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