Wedding Woes

Sweetrose

No, you're not stupid. But you are ignorant. I don't know if it's willfully or blindly so, but you are. Your FH is mentally and emotionally abusive. When a bunch of women who don't owe you any sort of sugar coating are telling you to run you should listen.

Several of us (maybe most) have been in abusive relationships and we know what we're talking about. My ex husband didn't become physically abusive until after we were married. I took it for a long time and I will never get that time back, or get rid of the shame of knowing I allowed someone to treat me that way.

You need therapy. I'm not saying that in a "you're a psycho" kind of way, I'm saying it because I mean it. If it's with a religious person that works too. They're qualified to give you sound advice. Talk to someone. That's all I'm saying. Don't end up a statistic.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Re: Sweetrose

  • edited December 2011
    And thank you, I talked to a trusted friend and family member. I also ended up talking to my FI again about how I feel and we worked it out. So no, I'm not going to end up a statistic. And goodness i swear to God he'd never ever hit me.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sweetrose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d4619ef9-0d3a-4542-bbb4-6c17fc4d5cd4Post:af54f27c-5809-4576-959a-f4a549eebd85">Re: Sweetrose</a>:
    [QUOTE]And thank you, I talked to a trusted friend and family member. I also ended up talking to my FI again about how I feel and we worked it out. So no, I'm not going to end up a statistic. And goodness i swear to God he'd never ever hit me.
    Posted by SweetRose2011[/QUOTE]


    Yea, mine never hit me either. There are other ways to physically abuse a person. Doesn't it occur to you that an issue of this magnitude cannot be resolved in one conversation, on your own? Whether you discussed it or not, you should still see a counselor, both separately and together.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    yeah, I 'worked it out' with my ex-assferret too.
    ANd I swore on a stack of bibles he'd never hit me.
    He hit me once (it was 'an accident')...but the number he did on me emotionally, as we 'worked it out'?  I was pretty broken before things ended.

    I'm sure he's a nice guy (TM) but that doesn't preculde one from being an abusive asshat
    http://psychjourney_blogs.typepad.com/effective_self_defense_fo/2009/01/emotional-abuse-verbal-abuse---the-very-early-warning-signs.html


    http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
  • edited December 2011
    I don't know why I'm wasting my time responding, but I'm doing it anyways.
    I just feel as though the world has lost track of what love really is. My FI is my little knight who swept this princess off of her feet and took her away from the dragon trying to eat her. Laugh all you want but at least the two of us know that we don't appreciate when thoughts of other people consume each others minds or when we, as a team, do not decide on what do to together. We've given each other too much to worry about what everyone thinks or to simply give up and walk away. Our lives have been tough and we try to stay happy through the saddest of the sad. We have each other and that's just what we need. We'll manage, but for the love of God, he's not abusing me. He doesn't ask me if "i've been good" anymore, and doesn't think I should think he's the only one in the room that's cute.
  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    okay, moving beyond the whole "he's not the only cute one in the room" -- what about the whole "i can't leave him because i have no place to go so that's why i'm staying?"  what about that?
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sweetrose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d4619ef9-0d3a-4542-bbb4-6c17fc4d5cd4Post:3eef8d25-78d1-4766-8519-984ce0a57fc7">Re: Sweetrose</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know why I'm wasting my time responding, but I'm doing it anyways. I just feel as though the world has lost track of what love really is. My FI is my little knight who swept this princess off of her feet and took her away from the dragon trying to eat her. Laugh all you want but at least the two of us know that we don't appreciate when thoughts of other people consume each others minds or when we, as a team, do not decide on what do to together. We've given each other too much to worry about what everyone thinks or to simply give up and walk away. Our lives have been tough and we try to stay happy through the saddest of the sad. We have each other and that's just what we need. We'll manage, but for the love of God, he's not abusing me. He doesn't ask me if "i've been good" anymore, and doesn't think I should think he's the only one in the room that's cute.
    Posted by SweetRose2011[/QUOTE]

    People should rescue themselves. People should complete themselves, and then find someone who compliments their already complete soul.

    But, you're young. You'll learn. I thought my ex was rescuing me from my Mom too. Turns out I walked out of the pan and into the fire.

    I have scars to prove it.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011

    Maybe "flare up" wasn't the right wording. He doesn't hit things or smack things or throw things. He usually talks things out with me. Just to clarify things.

  • edited December 2011
    As far as people rescuing others, maybe you don't see it that way but that's what I needed. I was whole, I knew what I wanted as far as school and who I am....I've always been that confident radiant person (not a bitch).
  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sweetrose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d4619ef9-0d3a-4542-bbb4-6c17fc4d5cd4Post:3eef8d25-78d1-4766-8519-984ce0a57fc7">Re: Sweetrose</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know why I'm wasting my time responding, but I'm doing it anyways. I just feel as though the world has lost track of what love really is. My FI is my little knight who swept this princess off of her feet and took her away from the dragon trying to eat her. Laugh all you want but at least the two of us know that we don't appreciate when thoughts of other people consume each others minds or when we, as a team, do not decide on what do to together. <strong>We've given each other too much to worry about what everyone thinks or to simply give up and walk away.</strong> Our lives have been tough and we try to stay happy through the saddest of the sad. We have each other and that's just what we need. We'll manage, but for the love of God, he's not abusing me. He doesn't ask me if "i've been good" anymore, and doesn't think I should think he's the only one in the room that's cute.
    Posted by SweetRose2011[/QUOTE]

    I replied in the post below about my abusive relationship.   I gave that guy 5 years of my life.  5!!!!   And I ended up giving him my self-respect, confidence, and feeling that I deserved to be treated better.  The only reason I got away when I did was because I went away to college and was able to see how much better life was without him there.  It took over a year away (he latched back on during the summer) to completely be done with him.  You went from one bad situation to another.  You need to get away from it all in order to gain perspective.
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers


    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sweetrose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d4619ef9-0d3a-4542-bbb4-6c17fc4d5cd4Post:60050176-b357-42d6-8fb2-34dc9ab79460">Re: Sweetrose</a>:
    [QUOTE]As far as people rescuing others, maybe you don't see it that way but that's what I needed. I was whole, I knew what I wanted as far as school and who I am....I've always been that confident radiant person (not a bitch).
    Posted by SweetRose2011[/QUOTE]

    If it's what you 'needed'...you need therapy more.
    Yes, a spouse can 'rescue' you...but they can't make you hole, they can't fix you.  And thinking they can never ever ever ends well.
    If you were 'whole', you didn't NEED rescuing.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sweetrose?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d4619ef9-0d3a-4542-bbb4-6c17fc4d5cd4Post:60050176-b357-42d6-8fb2-34dc9ab79460">Re: Sweetrose</a>:
    [QUOTE]As far as people rescuing others, maybe you don't see it that way but that's what I needed. I was whole, I knew what I wanted as far as school and who I am....I've always been that confident radiant person (not a bitch).
    Posted by SweetRose2011[/QUOTE]


    And yet you have no idea what to do when someone tries to make you feel like scum for looking at another man.

    It's not like you got up and did the guy right there in the room, yes? You didn't tell your fiance that you'd rather be boinking Bobby over there, correct?

    Also: I haven't been a bitch to you. I'm just trying to warn you. If you were a confident person you'd realize it and not throw out nasty insults in defense.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011

    I'm sorry I wasn't calling YOU a bitch, not at all, I was just trying to say that I was confident without being a bitch myself. I wouldn't call you that. I don't even know you.

  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Sweetrose, did your parents hit you? Because you said yourself that they were very abusive.

    None of us has told you that he's physically abusing you. I don't think he is. That doesn't mean I don't think he will.

    Can you please tell me you understand what emotional abuse is?


  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Something tells me her FI is the one who told her that reading text messages was abusive.

    Something also tells me that "we've given each other too much" means she gave up her V card and now thinks she has to marry him.
  • edited December 2011
    We can only go off of the information you give us.
    imageAnniversary
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    something tells me her "abusive" parents may just have been trying to protect her from her man... 

    reading text messages is not abuse. 
  • edited December 2011
    I just feel as though the world has lost track of what love really is.

    Honey, if that's what you think love is you're doing it wrong.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
    Photobucket
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards