actually, she's been crying a lot lately.
i've know FMIL longer than i've actually known FI, we've always gotten along but never been like super-close, she knows my mom pretty well and that's about all the relationship i had with her before FI and I got engaged. FI and I are both firstborns and while my parents have no problem letting me go (i'm 21, have spent about a year on my own in the past, i'm just living with them now until the wedding cause we're old-fashioned like that lol) but his mom is really having a hard time letting her firstborn go.
I posted this in the indiana board, hoping maybe someone could relate. His family is actually mennonite, his mom was raised mennonite (a branch off the amish) but all her sisters except one left it for the most part as they grew up. that being said, FMIL still wears skirts, a headcovering and she has three daughters who wear skirts all the time (except for the oldest who is 17 and likes to sneak out the house and actually cut her hair which was a huge deal). They are very close knit, live in the country, don't have hardly any interaction with other people and modern society in general.
my family is in no way, shape or form mennonite at all! we moved here from texas in 1998. i wear pants and makeup and my hair is cut and time and time again she has told me that they accept me for who i am which i am thankful for, because that did worry me for a while. but, his two oldest sisters are bridesmaids and we had picked out dresses (all my BMs are wearing different styles, but the same material) that we thought would meet their standards of modesty, but they didn't apparently and now they are having their dresses made! which has been awkward and stressful and has caused some fighting between the sisters and their mom but they have made it clear that it isn't because of me.
that being said, FI moved out into our future apartmen back in december. and that crushed his mom. i think she took it as a personal insult that he wanted to be on his own. i can understand being a little sad to see your firstborn go, but she was upset to an extreme and literally felt insulted. FI had to convince her that he still loves her (which she said she knew in her head but not in her heart!!!!) because he didn't go over there for dinner one night while i was at work because he had some stuff to do. we go over there for dinner at least 3 times a month (which is more than we eat with my family!) and they have always had a good relationship, and this is why it's blindsiding me so much. i think she always had this idea that as her kids grew up they'd just build little houses next to hers and she could still be as involved (read in control of) their lives as she was before. also, my family lives in town and i think she thinks that since FI lives in town too now that we spend all this time with my family and not them. which is not true. and she is always texting to check on his finances, telling him where he should shop and it was fine at first but now it's just getting annoying. she jumps to conclusions, she actually told him she didn't think i didn't like going over there because we don't spend all this time over there and he had to, sweetly and nicely, remind her that we are adults, we have our own lives and his life no longer revolves around them.
anyway. my MOH is amazing, and had these plans for an amazing shower. FMIL i think was getting offended that she wasn't super involved in the planning for it, she kept texting my mom about it and mom kept telling her to text my MOH, she's in charge. FMIL lives in a world where "kids" (my MOH is 19) aren't in charge of anything, that's what parents do, so she was taken aback and kept texting and calling and bugging my MOH about every little thing. MOH included her in a lot of little things, but FMIL would grill her about stupid little details that MOH clearly had under control.
my shower was wonderful, everything went well and smoothly. until the end, i noticed FMIL talking to another friend, crying about how hard it is to let FI go. And I'm trying to be understanding, but it always makes me feel guilty and defensive. after that little episode, she was fine and we were talking like normal and we ate dinner out there this past week and that was fine, too, but i'm just waiting as the days get closer she's going to have another breakdown..
so if you read all that, have a gold star! i don't know what i'm asking for, advice maybe? it's almost like she keeps trying to mother me in a lot of ways, but i don't need a mom, i have a mom that i love dearly!! how can i make her feel loved and included without giving in to her controlling and mothering ways?