MOH issue

starryangelz72 · February 2012

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place right now with my MOH. I am paying for her dress due to her money situation and because I really want her part of our wedding. She is a bigger girl like me so I asked her what she wanted in a dress, went with what she wanted - something below the knee and has straps - and now she isn't happy about the fabric. I am a girl for uniformity and really like satin. I am torn if I just give in and let her get whatever fabric she wants or just put my foot down and take charge. I've tried that once by asking her to go with me to DB and see the dress in person and by trying to put my foot down she called me a bridezilla. I am trying to be reasonable but I really want uniformity with the dress. Two out of the four of my bridesmaids have already ordered and recieved the dress so no changing the dress.

Any advice will be helpful right now. I am really trying NOT to be a bridezilla.

I am honestly starting to think I took too much on my plate this year with school and the wedding that I just want to break down from the stress of everything lately.

lmskowronski · February 2012

Since she is the MOH you can let her have a different dress. It looks fine in pictures. And she will feel special being different from the other BM. You want her to be comfortable and confident on your wedding day.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

You are paying for it, I don't know how a different fabric will make her feel better. I would just let her know that this is the fabric that is being used. She is lucky you are paying for the dress and you did ask her opinion about length ect. Just let her know that is the fabric that everyone is wearing.

libby2483 · February 2012

I think you should stick to your guns for several reasons: 1) While the MOH does sometimes dress in a different style than the other bridesmaids, if you would like her to wear the same fabric, this is your decision to make. And it is perfectly reasonable to decide this. I agree a different fabric may look out of place. 2) She picked out the dress in the first place, and now that the other girls have ordered, it is too late to change it. 3) You are being kind enough to pay for the dress!! This is extremely generous of you, so rather than calling you a bridezilla, she should be thanking you for being so accomodating.

My advice is to tell her kindly, but firmly, that it won't work for her to change fabrics.

starryangelz72 · February 2012

I basically want to put my foot down because of something she said to me after finally agreeing to going to DB to see the dress. She told me she refuses to wear anything too tight, too hot or uncomfortable. I just honestly have no idea what to do and at the start of the wedding planning I told my FI I don't want to be a bridezilla, I don't think I can be that crazy nor that mean.

And I agree Libby, sometimes different fabrics don't mesh well with others. And that is what I am afraid of since she wants chiffon now.

starryangelz72 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_moh-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:21f9b8ea-1420-4f95-885b-b7886477c6a9Post:06dbf07c-3546-4821-91e7-3e6d7d00ce30">Re: MOH issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you're being a bridezilla at all. To be a BM thats the ONE thing, as a bride, that is pretty non negotiable. I mean they can put in input but the dress is ultimate your decision. I get the whole, you want your besties to be comfortable, but you've already given her so much as far as choices go. It's obvious you guys are close friends and she should have known that you like uniformity. She shouldn't have expected anything less. Like others have said, stick with what was chosen initially. Personally, fabrics need to match for me. Has she always been "difficult" in this sence? I'm wondering if she's giving you a hard because she may have the, "I'm jealous of my friend getting married," bug?
Posted by mtishawt[/QUOTE]

That is exactly what I was going for, the whole comfortable thing. From what i have heard of the dress from my two OOT bridesmaids is the dress is comfortable. And she wasn't this bad before now, she kept saying she didn't care when we were discussing it except for those few things.

mercy4 · February 2012

This is so unfair. Like you don't have enough wedding expenses that you have to pay for her dress. And on top of it she's being picky and in my opinion thankless. Sorry.

starryangelz72 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_moh-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:21f9b8ea-1420-4f95-885b-b7886477c6a9Post:711bdb16-48eb-498c-86cf-e90b0b53363f">Re: MOH issue</a>:
[QUOTE]This is so unfair. Like you don't have enough wedding expenses that you have to pay for her dress. And on top of it she's being picky and in my opinion thankless. Sorry.
Posted by mercy4[/QUOTE]

She was just in another wedding where the dress was a floor length satin ballgown, so I feel like she is just basing her opinion on that towards this dress. I am frustrated beyond belief with this and school, this was just the cherry on top of everything. The entire time we were talking about this all I could think about was '27 Dresses' I am not sure why but that was in my mind the entire time.

bmetz34 · February 2012

I don't care if you're asking her to wear a little bo peep costume, she gave her requirements, you met them and went above and beyond by paying for the dress!!! She is being the brat, not you. She is lucky to have someone as considerate as you to offer to pay so she can even participate instead of having to bow out because of costs! All the bridesmaids has to do is buy the dress and show up sober the day of, and you're already doing half her job! She needs a reality check and to be a little less entitled. If there's one thing that gets me, it's someone acting entitled when they have no right! I've been a bridesmaid plenty of times and always just supported what the bride wanted. It's your vision, she needs to suck it up.

Sorry if I came off a little heated on this post, but you have enough on your plate without her whining to stress you out.

bridejl · February 2012

I agree with the PPs and don't want to just repeat everything they have said, because it was great advice, but I just want to lend my support and thoughts to you, starryangelz! I'm sorry that you're feeling stressed about everything and that your MOH isn't making it any better.

You've already been very considerate toward her feelings and level of comfort, not to mention paying for her dress. She should be thanking you profusely for being so considerate, not creating more problems. I think this saying sums it up well: "beggars can't be choosers." Good luck! Keep us updated on the situation if you don't mind to!

Ajoyd · February 2012

I am just chiming in to say that I agree with PPs.

And she is being a mohzilla, which I just made up but I feel is appropriate to this situation. She should be MUCH more gracious toward her best friend who is getting married. You should be focusing on other aspects of the wedding and not stressing out over her antics.

I hope she comes around!

Neileo27 · February 2012

Your the bride so ultimately it is about what you want. As Lori on SYTTD: Atlanta said "You agreed to be a bridesmaid, pay up and shut up." Sometimes blunt is best.

You have alread gone above and beyond for her. You asked for her input, took her feelings into consideration and are paying for her dress.

One caveat: Satin is a very unforgiving fabric so as you put it "a bigger girl" might not feel as comfortable as a different fabric.

If you want uniformity and your girls already ordered the dress in satin, then she should also wear the satin. If you are willing to let her wear a different fabric but the same color then you still have uniformity in the color but a fabric that she will feel more comfortable in.

saraschilling88 · February 2012

I agree with PPs that you are NOT being a bridezilla and that your MOH is being a MOHzilla!!

You do have a lot on your plate, and I am so sorry that your MOH is doing this.. My MOH did a similar thing (complained after I picked out the dress that it wasn't the one she wanted even though she said she'd wear anything I chose), I stood firm and she hasn't complained about it since (especially since I tried it on and verified it was comfortable)!

Good luck with this, I know it can be hard to stand firm to people you love (My MOH is my sister), but in this case you are in the right especially since you are paying for her dress!!

starryangelz72 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_moh-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:21f9b8ea-1420-4f95-885b-b7886477c6a9Post:b3c31c0c-875f-4b0b-9fc2-44f29cfbfded">Re: MOH issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with PPs that you are NOT being a bridezilla and that your MOH is being a MOHzilla!! You do have a lot on your plate, and I am so sorry that your MOH is doing this.. My MOH did a similar thing (complained after I picked out the dress that it wasn't the one she wanted even though she said she'd wear anything I chose), I stood firm and she hasn't complained about it since (especially since I tried it on and verified it was comfortable)! Good luck with this, I know it can be hard to stand firm to people you love (My MOH is my sister), but in this case you are in the right especially since you are paying for her dress!!
Posted by saraschilling88[/QUOTE]

I plan on doing that next month when we go to DB together. I just really want this issue done, when it should have been months ago.

And Neileo - We discussed other fabrics when my mom decided 'lets get you a dress from this store and not DB' without really talking to me about it first. She likes Chiffon, so I looked for other dresses that I would like. They are out of my price range or too long for what I'd like for an outdoor wedding.

I think the reason she called me a bridezilla is because I told her, and what most of what you ladies have told me, is that it is ultimately my choice and she didn't like it.

starryangelz72 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_moh-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:21f9b8ea-1420-4f95-885b-b7886477c6a9Post:79fd3712-6c8b-4938-8589-6d0a92a09a9c">Re: MOH issue</a>:
[QUOTE]She's really being unreasonable. There is still *some* time. Perhaps you should ease off the dress and change to focus to things she can actually choose herself, like hair or shoes?
Posted by mtishawt[/QUOTE]

I am letting all the girls choose their own shoes, as long as they are silver. Sadly, we haven't talked since this issue happened last week and with my stress level being the way it is (wedding and a ten page paper do not mix), not sure how that conversation will go. And, we do talk about other things then just the wedding.

starryangelz72 · February 2012

I just wanted to say thank you ladies for all your advice. I am hoping this gets resolved in the next few weeks when we go to DB over my Spring Break. And I will keep you all updated on the situation.

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