Hello, seeking anonymous advice here, I don't feel comfortable talking to people in real life about this and I honestly wonder if I'm just being crazy. Sorry, this is long. Please tell me honestly if I'm being crazy. I'm serious. It will help.
Basically, there's a lot of bad feeling from my in-laws about our wedding 3 months ago. We have different religions and cultures so when we decided as a couple that the wedding would reflected BOTH of our family heritages instead of just theirs, we knew there would be backlash. Nobody ever goes outside their religion or culture and they look down on people who are different from them (aka, me and my family). We tried to involve them in planning, but we had a hard time getting input when it wasn't 100% what they wanted. We tried to be thoughtful and plan as carefully as we could, I'm sure we could have done many things better, but this is our first wedding and we really tried our best.
Honestly, even if we had done things "perfectly", I feel like they would have been unhappy. They're just unhappy people and their home is abusive. My father in law boycotted our rehearsal dinner b/c he didn't like the restaurant (he never showed interest in it or offered to host it.) He yelled at us in front of everyone at the reception b/c he thought the dinner service was going too slow. The aunts were telling people not to attend our wedding b/c it wasn't Catholic and it was all a sham (my dad is a 3rd. generation Lutheran pastor and we had a Lutheran wedding.) Etc etc.
I know we're not perfect, and we could have done some things better. And for the love, it's just a wedding. It is not the end all be all of anybody's existence. Whatever miscommunication or drama happened on the actual day, I could shrug off, look at the pretty pictures, and forget about it. What's stumping me is how to deal with the negativity that keeps coming about the wedding, after the wedding. My sister in law screamed at my husband for an hour as we were on our way to the airport to leave on our honeymoon. The gist was, we deeply offended the family, I've changed him, their mama would be disappointed, etc. He was almost in tears. We lost several nights on our honeymoon talking through all of that. His dad has said some pretty nasty things, mocking or making fun of us. And now that my brother in law is planning his Catholic wedding, we keep hearing gems like, "Finally, a REAL wedding in the family." Eyeroll.
I don't expect trumpet voluntaries and a shower of rose petals when we talk about the wedding. We don't have to talk about the wedding at all! It was 3 months ago. There are plenty of other things to talk about. I just don't want to be insulted and I just don't know how to deal with it when they make crappy comments about the wedding. It's still a soft spot for me b/c they actually did cause some stress and hurt feelings on the actual day, and I'm afraid at some point I will open my mouth and my thought bubbles will turn into words I can't take back.
My husband would never let anyone directly attack or insult me, but somehow they get away with it under the radar when it's directed to us as a couple. We're actually seeing a therapist to deal with his family in general, as the abusiveness has really come to a head and is affecting us even though we're in our 30s. They're used to him being this dutiful son, he's a very easygoing guy who doesn't make waves, but now that he's married there are bound to be differences - like, we can't go to their home for every holiday b/c I have a family too, and we're our own family. It's just all really overwhelming.
Am I being too sensitive? It makes me feel crazy.