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Do you have to have a wedding party?

jencollierjencollier
in Wedding Party
I am having an Iranian ceremony, which doesn't traditionally have bridesmaids or groomsmen.  I am leaning towards going with the custom and not having them, but I don't want my girlfriends to get offended.  I'm afraid if they are doing the work of a bachelorette, shower, etc. then they will want to be recognized at the wedding. 

Any advice on this?  My fiance doesn't care either way and he doesn't feel his friends/brother will mind either way.  If I do have them I'll have to alter the Iranian ceremony in some way to include them.

Any help on this would be appreciated!
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Re: Do you have to have a wedding party?

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In a word, no, you don't.  You're just as married without one as you are with one.
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  • gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    You're not obligated to have a wedding party, and your friends aren't obligated to throw pre-wedding parties whether or not they are in the wedding party.  So those things are really up to you, your FI and your friends entirely.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    If you're friends don't understand that in Iranian culture there isn't a wedding party and, more over, they want recognition for throwing you pre-wedding parties by being in the wedding party... then they kinda suck.  :)

    You definitely don't have to have one.  Do what you and your fiance think is best!

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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    My sister and BIL didn't have a WP.  I thought it was beautiful and romantic with just the two of them together in front of the church.  If I hadn't already been married, I would have seriously considered it.

    And FWIW:  If your friends are only throwing a shower or b-party because they get to spend way too much money on a dress they'll only wear once, then I've got nothing.......

    I'd assume they'd give the parties because they love you, and not because they think they'll somehow be "recognized" during the ceremony.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If your friends are generous enough to throw you pre-wedding parties, you could always thank them by taking them out for a nice dinner, buying them each a gift, and/or at the very least writing them each a heartfelt thank you note.

    Who knows, they may appreciate that even more than having to buy a one-time-use-only dress, pay to get hair and makeup done, etc. And some people get nervous in front of crowds, so maybe they're happy not to have to stand up during the ceremony. I'm sure they understand your culture and would not be offended by it, if they are reasonable people. You could also ask some people to do readings or sing during the ceremony, or participate in a religious/culture ritual, if this is appropriate in your culture.

    Bottom line is, you don't need to make someone a bridesmaid/groomsman to show your appreciation for their generosity. And if someone is throwing you a party ONLY so she can be recognized publicly for it, then it's not your problem that her intentions are skewed.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You can still invite them to get ready with you on the day of the wedding, that's usually the best part of being a bridesmaid anyway.  They should really just understand that it's a cultural thing and not an insult to them.
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  • HisCBHisCB
    500 Comments
    ditto everyone.

    the only thing you need is you him and officiant and a witness.
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