Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite

Jen4948 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:d40d4da0-175b-4169-a489-fc94fb1e1c00">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : WTF is wrong with you?
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

Knock off the rudeness.

Jen4948 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:0e2cf9ba-1287-4ddf-baab-eab91d6ee22d">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : You are the one being rude and judgemental here. If I found out my H was cheating, and I made the choice to leave him, HTF is that MY fault?
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

I did not say that it was your fault-I merely said that you made the decision to leave him. I even indicated that it might well be the right decision. I merely said that the leaving was the result of actions by both of you: 1) He cheated, 2) You chose to leave. Two actions.

So, would you stop accusing, snarking, shouting, and cursing at me and actually read what I wrote? You are the one coming across as judgmental here.

crash2729 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:69b9ba7d-f7dd-4fac-a7de-45c395a79826">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : Knock off the rudeness.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
Or what....? I mean come on. <div>No one is really being rude to you but you are pretty off base.</div>

Jen4948 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:60d2c177-63cb-4d0b-8527-fa7486ec2d08">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : First of all we don't even know what happened with the ex wife. What we do know is that her husband cheated on her, therefore she made the choice to leave. If he hadn't cheated, she wouldn't have had to make the decision. I don't see how it takes two people to end a marriage in that situation. And if I'm coming across as judgemental, I'm judging you for judging without knowing all the facts.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

Edie Bee, this is a paraphrase of exactly what I was saying in each earlier post in this thread: that we don't know what happened with the ex wife. Maybe she was cheating too! Maybe she was doing something else that contributed to the divorce! We don't know, but you and RamonaFlowers keep accusing me of being judgmental with "What the F is wrong with you!" I wasn't judging! I was merely pointing out that we don't know all the facts! So stop judging me and lose the profanity!

crash2729 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:0882410d-a0d9-4347-8d41-0716dfe4c4fc">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : Or what? You'll CAPS ME TO DEATH?! And I still think you're judging the ex wife for no reason.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]
She did give you fair warning before she caps'd you. <div>
</div><div>I think you should be scared.</div>

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:cdc0f49b-1c91-4587-b19a-23d49a28204d">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : Sorry, but while there may never be any "factor" that makes it a person's fault when their spouse cheats, I still believe that just as it takes two to make a marriage, it still takes two to end it. That the other person chose to end it because of the cheating, abuse, or whatever caused them to end it still makes that decision to end it that person's decision. It is the right decision, yes. But it took the decisions of both spouses to get there.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Thanks for "blaming" me for breaking up with my ex. Because even with you saying "it's the right decision", you're still saying it's 50% MY fault that things ended with that @$$hole. Never mind the fact that I spent almost 3 years blaming myself for all of the abuse he committed towards me, you're absolutely right. Things TOTALLY could have worked out between us if only *I* decided to stick it out for the long haul.

Seriously, just do women like me a favor and go die in a fire already. We have enough to deal with and get over without having people like you doling out blame from your ivory towers.

crash2729 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:0c414df9-0fdd-44f5-b681-17a132f96162">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : I probably won't sleep tonight.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't if I were you.

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : Sorry, but while there may never be any "factor" that makes it a person's fault when their spouse cheats, I still believe that just as it takes two to make a marriage, it still takes two to end it. That the other person chose to end it because of the cheating, abuse, or whatever caused them to end it still makes that decision to end it that person's decision. It is the right decision, yes. But it took the decisions of both spouses to get there.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Thanks for "blaming" me for breaking up with my ex. Because even with you saying "it's the right decision", you're still saying it's 50% MY fault that things ended with that @$$hole. Never mind the fact that I spent almost 3 years blaming myself for all of the abuse he committed towards me, you're absolutely right. Things TOTALLY could have worked out between us if only *I* decided to stick it out for the long haul.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

Seriously, just do women like me a favor and STFU already. We have enough to deal with and get over without having people like you doling out blame from your ivory towers.

Jen4948 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:68f193c5-b712-4f97-9fd0-01f5151fb96a">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite: This is completely insensitive and incorrect. In many states, one spouse can effectively obtain a divorce without the other's "consent" after a certain amount of time. And yes, one spouse can definitely end a marriage all by him or herself admittedly, this is not often the case but it does happen. And really, when someone starts talking about rape and/or infidelity, that is just your cue to back down. If you have not not been in that situation, I don't know how you could even begin to speculate about dolling out "blame" or "responsibility" rations.
Posted by BartenderBW[/QUOTE]

Which I wasn't doing. My position is that all we know about the breakup of the marriage is that he was cheating. We don't know whether she was as well, or whether there was physical abuse, or what else on either side might have contributed to it. So I didn't assign any blame. I never at any time suggested that anyone who has been abused shouldn't leave the marriage-only that doing so is an action that ends it.

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

Jen, seriously. Life isn't black and white,. If you think it's always a joint decision to end a relationship, then your life has been so sheltered as to be beyond belief. It only takes one determined and destructive dipshit to ruin a relationship. The next time a man beats a woman to near death, moves to another state to be with his pregnant girlfriend, or gets arrested and put in jail for decades for pedephilia, i'll let his wife know it's equally her fault their marriage is in shambles. Seems totes fair.

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:c32761a3-842b-42dc-8d78-4557e5888934">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite : Which I wasn't doing. My position is that all we know about the breakup of the marriage is that he was cheating. We don't know whether she was as well, or whether there was physical abuse, or what else on either side might have contributed to it. So I didn't assign any blame. I never at any time suggested that anyone who has been abused shouldn't leave the marriage-only that doing so is an action that ends it.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Dude, seriously. Just. Shut. UP.

It is NOT, nor will it EVER BE, someone's fault if they were cheated on or abused. The person doing the cheating and abusing is more than capable of NOT doing those things.

Quit trying to say "I'm not blaming victims ... I'm just saying there might be more to the story", seriously, that IS blaming the victim. I can't think of a single problem in a marriage where the wife (or husband) is SOOOOOOOO horrible to be married to that the only possible solution is to go out and knock up a teenager (or get knocked up by a teenager).

Things aren't always he said/she said, sometimes there really isn't "more to the story". Sometimes, one person IS 100% to blame in the end of a relationship., even if the other party is the one has enough self-respect to say "No, I'm not taking this any more".

arco13 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-drama-to-invite-or-not-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8670f76-8084-4b96-81c6-ff0bc200f140Post:65150ade-9874-4c51-baf5-0bebab2082dd">Re:Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh FFS, OP has seen what was wrong with her initial idea, she's inviting the GF, and she's been nothing but calm and polite while posting. She has said NOTHING to make us think she's some self entitled brat. I get that it's slow, but the horse is dead guys.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

THANK YOU for saying this. I was reading through this thread just hoping someone had said something along these lines.

s-aries8990 · November 2012

OP- you have to invite the GF

stinks that she's annoying, but you have to.
- you are still entitiled to invide the ExWife- just inform both parties that they will be there.
- Tell FI that his friend? brother? (I forget the relation) needs to stay calm and be respectful at the wedding.

You don't need to seek friendship with this GF, don't feel the need to go out of your way to help her feel welcome, but don't go out of your way to hurt her either.

It's a poopy situation, so do your best to stay out of the crossfire.

aquari0216 · November 2012

u have no obligation to invite that broad to YOUR special day...social unit my ass..its bad enough brother and ex will be there....with liquor...however if u do invite her with bro...id suggest u dish out more to allow bro's ex a guest...

Guest Drama! To Invite, or Not To Invite

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