maid of honor trauma

Tessy87 · September 2010

So my maid of honor has known about our wedding for 14 months, also knowing for 14 months to save money for her dress. It is now time to get the dress and she says she has no money. So now everything else has to be pushed back and makes me panic bc i have dead lines. Or do i tell her she is invited but no longer in the party and find someone else?

bablingbrooke · September 2010

You do none of the above.

If your MOH has to save up for her dress, the dress is too expensive.

If you are making her buy the dress based on an arbitrary deadline, rather than when the shop says, then you are making her buy too early.

Find out the shop's drop-dead order date. Tell her what it is. Then leave her alone. It's up to her to get it and it's up to you to treat her like an adult. If she fails to get it, she's taken herself out of the WP. If she can get it elsewhere, that's up to her.

Don't boot her out. It will only make you look like a bridezilla.

Oh, and "trauma" is REALLY melodramatic.

tldh · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-trauma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3ce937e-80ec-4371-ae8a-7a88dd664b33Post:1c3b075d-7edf-4df5-8fdc-d921fa478795">maid of honor trauma</a>:
[QUOTE]So my maid of honor has known about our wedding for 14 months, also knowing for 14 months to save money for her dress. It is now time to get the dress and she says she has no money. <strong>So now everything else has to be pushed back and makes me panic bc i have dead lines</strong>. Or do i tell her she is invited but no longer in the party and find someone else?
Posted by Tessy87[/QUOTE]

What does this mean exactly?

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

Brooke is good, brooke is wise.

Robyn5298 · September 2010

I think this is one of those things you need to take a deep breath and let go of. Give her the order deadline from the dress shop and leave it alone. If she gets the dress, she's in the wedding party. If she doesn't get it in time, she's made herself a guest.

I know it sucks to have something as big as this up in the air but unless you want to buy the dress for her, there's not much you can do. Try not to stress about it.

trix1223 · September 2010

This is not a trauma. Both of my daughters, between the end of January and the end of March, were in situations that were, quite literally life and death. Blessedly, they both survived their individual traumas. THAT'S a trauma. Ordering a dress? Please.

Now, for your problem. Give her the date the dress has to be ordered by. If she gets it, she's in the WP. If she doesn't, she's not in the WP.

It's really that simple.

As for saving the money.....have you read the papers or listened to the news lately? The economy is tanking. What may have been affordable 11 months ago, might not be now. Just because she had 11 months notice DOESN'T mean she had 11 months to save. Rent, food, transportation, utilities.....all come before a dress.

Relax. You're being quite dramatic when you don't need to be. Let's get some perspective here, please.

emilyinchile · September 2010

Trauma is an injury. Trauma is a serious life issue, like losing a loved one or being fired. You do not have trauma, you have minor disappointment. No need to be a drama queen about it.

Does it suck? Yes. Was it wrong of her to wait til now to tell you? Sure. But there are solutions. What CAN she afford? Can you find a dress in that price range? She's MOH, even if the other girls are matching and have already bought their dresses, it wouldn't look weird for hers to be different. Can she find it somewhere second hand? Would you feel comfortable loaning her the money if that would help? Can you just pay for part of it yourself? Can she wear a dress she already owns?

Find a solution, don't ruin a friendship - which is what you'd be doing if you kicked her out - over a dress and financial hardship.

emilyinchile · September 2010

PS. What do you mean that you have to push back deadlines for this? The only thing that's getting pushed back is one person ordering a dress, that shouldn't affect anything else about your wedding.

duckie1905 · September 2010

Holy overreaction batman. This is not trauma. You need to chillax.

Personally I think if she had to "save" for a dress then it was too expensive to begin with. See if you can help her out. Talk to the store and find out when the last possible date to order is. Find another complimentary dress that is within her budget.

Also, her not being able to buy a dress this instant should not change/push back any single deadline of yours. It is one dress and no reason to get your panties in a bunch. If her not buying the dress causes you to miss deadlines then you were putting some unreasonable expectations on a piece of fabric.

And, stop being a drama queen.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

Ditto emily, trix and aerin.

She knows when the wedding is, either she will have it or she won't, plain and simple. Or you try to figure out what the money issue is and see if you can pick up some of the cost so that you retain the friendship. Yes, it sucks, but that is just life. Life will go on.

nannewmur · September 2010

My daughter experienced a situation similar to this, so I wish to respond.

She was asked to be MOH and her boyfriend of four years (soon to be FI) is BM. Wedding is May 13. Bride had not responded to numerous text, email and FB message. Couple became engaged 4-10 and set 5-13-11 date. Asked DD and BF to be attendants sometime in April 10. Couple have been given $10 grand by her parents and MIL has supplied a credit card. She is a FT sophomore English major and he is three years older and is in a six mo police academy, due to get out in three mos. This is important to know.

Although she promised to get w DD, she went ahead and picked out dress from David's, which is fine. $138 cocktail dress. Daughter lives 2 hrs away and when she was in town, I went with her to try on and was told dress does not need to be ordered until Feb. My dd is a college sr, graduating the week before wedding and applying to grad school. Bride aware of this.

Bride called my daughter and the week before Labor Day, insisted she must order dress by Labor Day. This was week after daughter paid her tuition and books (over $4000) This is So additional sash and flowers may be added, at each attendants expense by someone bride is choosing. Not willing to tell DD cost of this. Other two attendants, 15 yo cousins, don't care since parents paying for.

My DD decided she has had enough. She repeated what David's told her and bride said no, I want them ordered by Labor Day and then asked daughter if she no longer wants to be in wedding.

Daughter said she does not want to be in wedding and bride was appalled. After all, according to Bride, this will be the most awesome day in your life-Seriously?

Point is, your wedding is not as important to others as what it is to you. The economy has caused a lot of problems for a lot of people. Give her the deadline, if she can't do it, move on. Why this causes you to move back deadlines sounds like unrealistic expections or failure to communicate and makes you look bad.

mbcdefg · September 2010

Why does she have to "save up"? Did you ask her budget before you picked the dress?

AerikaAwright · September 2010

Seriously it's gonna drive you crazy but it's ok

I have 6 BM/MOH's 4 of my BM's bought their dresses in April when I ordered my dress. 1 ordered her's in July the last one ordered her dress maybe a week ago. She'll get her dress maybe Dec 4th or so if she's lucky giving her less than a month for alterations. My philosophy...she knows when the wedding is so she knows either order the dress in time or she won't be able to stand up at the wedding. She ordered it in her own sweet time and if she has to rush around to get alterations well oh well. She's my friend and I love her, but I have other things to do worry about her and so do you.

I don't necessarily think that it means the dress is too expensive though. My BM's picked their own dresses and they came to around $210 which I found pricey but didn't bother them. Dresses normally run $100-200 or so anyway right?

bablingbrooke · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-trauma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3ce937e-80ec-4371-ae8a-7a88dd664b33Post:f0cf4eb5-3eaa-454b-bc5e-1ef94699e9f0">Re: maid of honor trauma</a>:
[QUOTE]My BM's picked their own dresses and they came to around $210 which I found pricey but didn't bother them. Dresses normally run $100-200 or so anyway right?
Posted by AerikaAwright[/QUOTE]
All that matters is that the BMs are okay with the price. It's one thing if they pick a $210 dress. It's quite another if the bride picks a $210 dress without consulting the BMs on their budget.

jenn.daniel · September 2010

I was expecting a question about what do do about a MOH in a cast b/c she suffered trauma. Unless she beats you because you're being ridiculous, there's no trauma here.

Sounds like the dress is too expensive for her. People save for a house, tuition, wedding, car - big things. No one should have to save to buy a dress. Pick a different dress.

lalap69 · September 2010

Did you ask her her budget first?? Because if not, this situation is your own fault.

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