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Don't Want to Invite Cousin's Boyfriend...

xinafrizxinafriz
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance's cousin has been dating this guy on and off for a couple of years now. They do not (nor have they ever) lived together and they don't have kids together either.

The problem is: her boyfriend's a pompous a-hole and no one in the family likes him.

Neither my fiance or I want him at our wedding. We were hoping to NOT invite him and if questioned, explain that we can't afford for people to bring "dates". (the other significant others are either married or are common-law with kids).

Do you think this is okay for us to do??
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Re: Don't Want to Invite Cousin's Boyfriend...

  • btrflykate1230btrflykate1230 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    If they're "on" you have to invite him. If they're "off", no, you don't have to.

    Simple, really.
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  • jasmineh7777jasmineh7777
    5000 Comments
    If they're dating, I think you need to invite him. You don't have to spend time with him, and if he's an ass, he's the one that will look bad.
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  • mandybear7mandybear7
    1000 Comments
    edited May 2010
    Wait until you send out invites in August. If they're together, he should be invited. You will have plenty of people around you on your wedding day that you love. Your cousin's boyfriend will not wreck the day.
    7/10/10 imageDandy
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Yep you have to invite him.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Sorry, if they're together, she wouldn't be bringing a "date," she'd be bringing her BOYFRIEND. Big difference.
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  • larsjoylarsjoy member
    First Comment

    If you are inviting other members of her family, you don't have to invite the boyfriend.  You only have to say "and guest" if they don't know anyone else at the wedding.

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  • KentuckyKateKentuckyKate member
    1000 Comments
    edited May 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-invite-cousins-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4e02245-364b-4a2b-9fc6-dd40d536d551Post:d364a33a-b518-46c5-a30b-628aa6f0ad90">Re: Don't Want to Invite Cousin's Boyfriend...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you are inviting other members of her family, you don't have to invite the boyfriend.  You only have to say "and guest" if they don't know anyone else at the wedding.
    Posted by larsjoy[/QUOTE]
    WRONG.  If they are a couple, they are a social unit and are invited together.  How would you feel if your FI was invited to one of his family member's weddings, and was told you were not welcome to come?
    Abigail Rose, EDD 6/8/13 BabyFetus Ticker

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  • penad5penad5 member
    10 Comments

    You are not required to give every guest a plus 1- if they're just dating you don't have to invite - i had to cut number so only people who were living together/engaged/married got to bring their SO's - everyone else was invited as a single.

    the only catch is if you draw a line you have to keep it the same for everyone - you can't give one cousin a plus one and not the other - but you said she was the only one in that situation so it shouldn't be an issue :)

    TTC Since Feb 2011 - HSG Aug 2012 opened 1 tube - Lap TBD
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Whether you like him or not, he's her significant other and has been for a couple of years. If he were a known child abuser, drug dealer, or something like that, you might be able to make a case, but "pompous asses" still need to be invited.
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  • SparrowSongSparrowSong member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I don't think being a bride means you get to pass judgement on everyone else's relationships. I'm sure he's an ass, but he's her boyfriend of two years. Leave it up to her if she would like him to accompany her that night or not.
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  • *BeachBride0410**BeachBride0410* member
    1000 Comments
    just wondering how old is the cousin....no it doesn't matter really, just curious.
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  • frenchy730frenchy730 member
    500 Comments
    edited May 2010
    No way around inviting him unless they break up.  Well you could just not invitie him, but then your cousin might hate you forever for being so rude, and that would be worse, right?

    There will be a lot of people at your wedding and you won't have to spend the whole night with him.  Just say "hello, thank you for coming" and get on to spending time with all the other people who showed up.
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-invite-cousins-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4e02245-364b-4a2b-9fc6-dd40d536d551Post:f81ffefb-3d8b-43d3-b66c-844e769dfb89">Re: Don't Want to Invite Cousin's Boyfriend...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yep you have to invite him.
    Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]

    I have to say, I find it a bit odd that you care about <strong>this </strong>etiquette rule.  If being a good hostess doesn't require providing all the elements of your party, why does it require inviting people you don't like?
    Married 10/2/10
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  • sariesuesariesue member
    10 Comments
    I don't think you need to invite him as long as you aren't allowing other guests who are only dating or single to bring a date.  However, if you are allowing others who are dating or single to bring a date then you would need to extend that to your cousin as well. I see it like inviting kids to a wedding, if you invite one you have to invite them all, but if none of them are invited then it's ok to not have them at the wedding. 
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  • ScissortailFlycatcherScissortailFlycatcher
    100 Comments

    I agree with sariesue, if you aren't inviting other cousin's bfs/gfs, I don't think you should have to invite hers.
    I am limiting my plus ones to fiances. I have two cousins that have fiances, they live together. I have one cousin who everytime I see her has a different boyfriend. And I see her about 8 times a year...yeah 8 different bfs a year.
    I will not invite her flavor of the month to our wedding, sorry if this offends anyone.
    As long as you treat all guests plus ones the same, I don't see a problem with not inviting her bf.

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