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IMPOSSIBLE bridesmaid!

After spending months surfing the web looking for dresses, I finally decided to stick with the same designer as my dress for the bridesmaids dresses. I picked a strapless chiffon empire waist dress that flows away from the body,wanting a simple, casual, springy dress but also keeping in mind that one of my bridesmaids would have just had a baby and one is SERIOUSLY insecure about her body Two of my three BMs said that they were fine with whatever I wanted them to wear, but that they would prefer a floor length dress....The other girl told me that if she didn't like the dress and didn't feel comfortable she just wouldn't walk.....in the middle of Alfred Angelo....oookkkkaayyy!! SOO, I let her try on a few other dresses until she found one that she liked and while its a pretty dress its not at all the feel that I want for the BMs dresses. Ive tried to find another dress that would be closer to what I want but still similar to what she felt comfortable in, but I can't really find anything. I even sent her pictures of a few dresses that I was ok with (including the dress she liked in a tee length) and she told me that she didn't care which one I picked but would prefer the cheapest one since she probably wont look good in them anyway....I don't really know what to do! Several of my friends, incluing both the other BMs, my FI and my mother all told me to tell her that she can either wear the dress i chose and walk or not, but I can't really see me doing that...I don't want to end up getting in an all out fight with her, but at this point we aren't even talking anyway....I quess my question is, Do I keep looking for dresses or pick one and tell her to wear it or not?

PS...my wedding is in April!!

Re: IMPOSSIBLE bridesmaid!

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    I would warn you to decide on Alfred Angelo dresses quickly.  Some of my BMs' Alfred Angelo dresses took a full four months to come in.  Apparently they got behind and had a big backlog.  They may have worked through the backlog by now (the last dress arrived right before Thanksgiving), but I would recommend ordering soon.
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    She sounds like a pain even though you seem to be pretty accomodating to her needs. She's probably going to be a brat no matter what you do. I say just pick a few dresses you like and tell her to order her favorite one by X date.
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    What's more important, the look you have in mind for your day, or still being friends with this person after your one day has passed?  Because I'm pretty sure that if you put two yards of fabric over her clearly significant body image issues, she's not really going to want to hang out with you anymore.  It's her money and her body, she should absolutely be comfortable in the dress.

    Just give them some basic guidelines and let them choose their own.  Your pictures will look far better with happy and comfortable bridesmaids in dresses that aren't quite what you envisioned than with bridesmaids who are clearly uncomfortable wearing the "perfect" dress.  And I say this as someone who sacrificed several elements of her vision on attire because it wasn't worth fighting for, and was ultimately very happy with the way things turned out.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    So why not let each girl pick out her own style from the same designer, and in the same color/fabric/skirt length? That way, you still have a cohesive look, but everyone is happy because she can pick something that flatters her.

    It's a fact of life that the same dress will probably not look great on several different women. And considering that your bridesmaids are the ones who need to pay for the dresses and wear the dresses, you absolutely need to take their opinion into account. It's not worth putting them in an outfit they hate, or having them drop out of the wedding party over a stupid piece of clothing, just so you can achieve your "vision" for what you want your bridesmaids to look like.

    She's your friend, I assume. And most good friends will not just flat-out refuse to wear a dress just for shiits and giggles. Unless she is a constant complainer in every other facet of life, then she's probably REALLY unhappy with these dresses, and if you want to be a good friend then I would find a way to make her happy. And I think that the "Pick your own styles from the following guidelines" is the best way to achieve that.

    If you give her some guidelines to choose her own dress, and she STILL won't budge (assuming you've chosen a dress in her price range, and not a disgusting-looking color), then by all means say, "I'm trying to be accommodating, but this is as far as I can go without completely changing the game plan yet again. If you'd rather wear whatever you want and attend as a guest, I will understand and there will be no hard feelings."

    It's not worth ruining a friendship over a DRESS that'll be worn for a few hours of one day of your lives.
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    I would choose the one you like best and tell all your BP that this is the dress and a timeline for them to order it.  If the rogue BM throws a fit and does not want to be in the WP, smile sweetly and tell her that is her choice to make.
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    This is why I am letting my BMs pick their own dress from a particular designer in the same color. Not everyone is made the same and not everyone is going to agree 100% ont he dress YOU pick even thought YOU are NOT THE ONE wearing it.
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